Oksana Lavrentieva: “Compromise is when both don’t get what they want”

Oksana, you recently asked your followers what they associate you with in the first place. And many wrote: awareness. It’s generally a fairly fashionable word today, but what do you personally put into it, how do you understand this state?

For me, it is above all an analysis of myself, an understanding of what is happening to you at the moment. When you don’t go with the flow, you don’t act based on your momentary emotions and state, but based on your goals and priorities. Imagine this situation: you are queuing for check-in at the airport, then someone pushes you, trying to pass, usually behaving indecently. I think 99% of people will start to get involved in a scandal, or at least get very angry and their mood will deteriorate. And how does a person in a state of consciousness act? He knows that there is no point in swearing and taking it personally, because this person himself does not understand that he is behaving badly. The situation has nothing to do with you – only with this person. So you remain an absolutely calm observer. And that applies to everything. When someone writes nasty things to you on social media or responds rudely to you. In a state of consciousness, you do not succumb to provocations. You have time to stop and think. And you end up not reacting like 99% of people do. But I myself am still doing it, I am infinitely far from full consciousness.

Is it necessary to go against generally accepted rules and establish your own to achieve real success?

This is the only way to achieve this. After all, what are the generally accepted rules? Don’t stand out, join the crowd, be normal, be like everyone else, do everything the known way, follow the beaten path. In my opinion, there are several main things you need to follow to be successful. You must be in touch with your values, know what they are, follow them at all times and follow your priorities. You must be flexible and adaptive. But at the same time, very disciplined. Be a leader in everything you do, except in situations where you need to be able to obey. However, in what you do yourself, you should always be a leader, even if it is small things. You have to do everything in the best possible way, that is, involve yourself in every situation and behave in it as if your whole life depended on it. In addition, you need to choose the right environment and the right team, be creative – not focus on one solution to the problem. You cannot despair and give up, you must always move forward. These may be banal and general words, but they seem to me to answer the question “how to succeed?” “. Because unsuccessful people know all these things, but for some reason they don’t. And it is important not only to know, but also to act constantly – not to wait for the weather by the sea, not to blame others, not to justify yourself, but to be proactive.

You admitted that you always make decisions quickly. Has this skill always been with you or has it come with experience?

Fortunately, this is my innate quality. And now I’m just learning, when time and the situation allows, to give myself time to reflect and slow down a bit. Because sometimes I make decisions very quickly and then have to change them along the way.

You already have a lot of coaching experience. What are the most frequent requests you receive? What is a modern Russian woman missing?

You won’t believe it, but women come to me for coaching with such requests: how to learn to relax, how to find a man, how to meet his love, how to grow in business and overcome the limits that exist, but the more fundamental is not to drag everything on myself. Because Russian women are distinguished by the fact that they do not allow men to express themselves. And they do not let themselves rest, because, as we know from our Soviet childhood, this is shameful and wrong. I know how to relax and be a woman, so people come to me for that energy. I embody a lot of things that are very difficult to combine, so people look to me for that energy.

How do you come up with topics for new courses? Do you draw ideas from outside or inside yourself?

Naturally in the requests of my customers and subscribers. I see what they need. I think I should only teach what I’m good at. And, like I said, I’m good at keeping a balance in life. Between work, studies, spiritual practices, family, children, beloved husband, success, creativity, money. Indeed, very often people view life as an endless series of compromises: either you have love – or money, or children – or work, or spiritual practice – or you succeed. It’s like you can’t have it all. I think I am a good example in this sense. I don’t try to have everything a hundred percent, it suits me even when it’s four plus, so I don’t have distortions, I’m in balance. The energy that is very close to me is the energy of success, business, prosperity, money, so all my classes are about that. I know how to build the right communication with others, how to build a personal brand, how to act, how to change the way of thinking to become that of a successful person.

Is there a therapeutic effect for you in coaching when helping others is also helping yourself?

Of course, it’s still very therapeutic for me. Above I have described general customer requests, but there is always a context and, as a rule, it is close to me. So it’s always interesting for me to work, to find answers with the client, a new point of view. I grow up with them. In psychology, there is even such a formulation that a psychologist can take you only to where he himself is. Despite our training and experience, we always work with our personality and can only give the client what we ourselves are. Therefore, I always recommend paying attention not only to a specialist’s background, but also to his personal values. For example, very often women write to me that a psychologist advises them to have a lover, but they are shocked and do not understand how this can happen and begin to doubt themselves. And this, first of all, is a signal that you need to run away from such a psychologist if betrayal is impossible in your value system. Well, in my opinion, of course, in any value system, if there is betrayal is impossible, but all people are different.

Do you have fears about your career, your personal achievement?

I can’t say they ever were. I have doubts, like all normal people. Sometimes I wonder if I can do what I’m doing. But I try not to enter into these thoughts and look for ways to overcome all situations. Now I am in the best condition to realize my abilities, because I have absolute confidence that I am following my mission, doing what I was born to do. It’s by working with people that I realize myself fully – it’s essential, not even my brand ololol, because there is this aspect there too. My brand is not only clothes, but also my values ​​that I convey through it. And in coaching or classes, it shows even more.

What is the main difficulty in establishing interpersonal relationships and how to deal with it?

The difficulty is that, as a rule, we don’t see another person – we see our own projections. We are offended, we condemn, we consider him stupid or arrogant, not noticing what is behind a momentary behavior of a person. Maybe he was tired or something had happened to him, maybe he was confused or shy. Usually, when you are not too lazy to get to know another person better, you see that it is another person who is behind the first negative impression – with his pain, his problems, with his difficult fate, and I don’t know person who would have a simple destiny. Then you begin to justify a person, to sympathize with him, to better understand. I always strive to be patient and considerate with others in order to see them as real.

When building a team, what do you pay attention to first? Is it important to you that you and the person have common interests and values ​​outside of directly work-related issues?

Yes, because when a person is not fully professional, he can learn, but it is almost impossible to change a person’s values ​​- they are fixed in childhood by parents, well, or they change because of some kind of life shocks. The priorities that people have in life are also important. It happens that beautiful girls come and say that they want a career, but in reality, as soon as they meet a man, they lose interest in work. And the best employees are pretty, ordinary girls who are determined to achieve themselves. And you cannot teach this value to a person. It will not turn out that now he will work and love it so much that priorities will change.

What has been the most valuable lesson of your life?

Mistakes were the most valuable. I always say that you shouldn’t be afraid of making mistakes, but that you should even be happy about them. Luck does not give development, on the contrary, you begin to believe in yourself too much, to be lazy, to think that everything is fine anyway. And only when failures occur, you begin to think about what you did wrong, change your strategy, and thanks to this, you go to the next level if you don’t decide to give up. I am good at making mistakes and difficult situations. I understand that they develop, make a person more resilient, intelligent, calm. They bring you back to your values ​​and priorities.

Should we still be disappointed by people?

No, I’d rather see now where my people are and where mine aren’t, but I treat those who don’t share my views with understanding. Because they are quite tough, strict, uncompromising. In general, I think a compromise occurs when the two don’t get what they want. Of course, there are situations where I go for it, but not where my values ​​are affected.

Should we forgive ourselves for our weaknesses?

You should always forgive yourself, but you need to work on your weaknesses. No need to feel guilty, no need to spread the rot, you just have to admit it: here I am not up to the task and I am correcting that. You certainly don’t need to blame yourself.

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