“Golden crooks”: traditions of marriage in Iran and how girls earn money from them

Kristina Boschcheh has been blogging “Mom, I’m in Iran” for several years now. The blogger promotes this country to tourists and tells how she herself learns the intricacies of the local mentality. Especially for VOICE, Christina told the most interesting facts.

It all started with the fact that our heroine met an Iranian named Mamat, who, although with an accent, was fluent in Russian. The meeting of a girl from Khabarovsk and a resident of Tehran took place in a bar in Japan, where Boschekh flew away for the holidays.

By the way, the Land of the Rising Sun disappointed Christina, and this despite the fact that she and Mamat, already in a relationship, had lived there for several years. But Iran sank into the heart and continues to amaze, because in a closed country there are always a lot of creative people, in whose work there is both a spirit of rebellion and respect for traditions old.

At first, everything was not so simple. Arriving in Tehran, the Iranian capital, Christina sobbed repeatedly, not understanding what her new parents and society as a whole expected of her. Unlike Mamat, who almost immediately became “Russian”, giving her father a bottle of cognac and her mother a Persian rug, Kristina did not understand Iranian traditions for a long time, she goes out into the public square. It seemed that with a headscarf one could only look like an old woman, and eating in a restaurant was uncomfortable and unusual.

However, in the beginning, public places were not only frightened by the compulsory wearing of the headscarf. First, everyone is careful about foreigners, because the country was already closed before the pandemic, and you can rarely meet tourists on the streets. Iranians can come to be photographed, easily ask questions about the brand of perfume or jeans. And such curiosity is in no way intended to offend…

Secondly, Iranians talk very loudly – both with their interlocutor at the next table and on the phone when they pass. After quiet Japan, where it is not customary to announce their feelings, but to communicate in a low voice so as not to disturb the peace of others in any way, such behavior seemed very strange and defiant.

But that turned out to be just one of the signs of the breadth of the soul of Iranians, who are very hospitable and cordial. So much so that this national feature first plunged into amazement.

Relatives of Mamat Kristina received very sincerely. The future mother-in-law immediately said that if the daughter-in-law loves her son as much as she does, then everything else does not matter to her – neither nationality, nor religion, nor appearance, well that she herself is a very religious person and wears closed clothes. The future father-in-law also fell in love with his son’s wife with all his heart and now every time he specially goes to the market to buy fresh fruits for her.

Mamat has three sisters and one brother, as well as many cousins ​​and first cousins. All of them communicate, go to visit, help with money in a difficult moment in life and defend themselves with a mountain. Kristina had to get to know everyone, even despite the fact that once, when he saw another distant relative enter the house, Mamat nodded at the guest and quietly admitted to the bride that he didn’t remember his name…

Of course, for the Russian bride in each house they arranged a feast with a mountain, trying to surprise and feed. Kebabs, crumbly rice flavored with saffron, gormeh sabzi, shirazi salad – these are just a small list of dishes from traditional Persian cuisine. It’s not for everyone to run a marathon. Christina eats very little, and Iranian hospitality has become a real test for her. If relatives saw that she had not tried a dish, the hostess went to the kitchen and prepared a new one for her. At the same time, she closely watched Christina’s plate and constantly put food on it. Mamat tried to explain that his fiancée liked everything very much and only ate, but the owners were offended and did not understand.

The most serious discord occurred among the relatives of the village. To meet Mamat’s wife, they fried a lamb. But Christina could not eat and even burst into tears in the room reserved for her and her fiancé – she did not want to come down at all. I had to patiently explain to everyone that the guest cannot eat 24 hours a day and just drink tea with everyone.

Another strange tradition in Iran is taarof, a local form of politeness (roughly translated as “ceremonial sincerity”). If you admire a piece of furniture or a cabinet of a local resident, he will immediately give you this object as a gift.

When Kristina praised Sister Mamata’s earrings, she took them off without hesitation and put them in her hand with the words: “Take them!” The jewelry was gold and obviously very expensive, so such a sudden gift seemed strange. Mamat immediately whispered in the ear of the Russian bride to return the earrings.

The next time, the groom’s aunt similarly “gave” Christine an expensive vase standing in the hallway, which she rented in passing. Aunt even packed the inner object in a bag, and it was not clear how to react to such an offer, because Mamat had already descended in the parking lot to the car. As a result, the mother-in-law lightly tapped Christina on the arm and told her in Farsi, “Never mind!”

If the bride took it to herself, she just wouldn’t be understood. Bad rumors would spread there. An acquaintance of Christina, also a Russian-speaking girl who married an Iranian, once received a rug from her relatives, which she took with her. Then her husband returned the thing to relatives and apologized to them for a long time.

The form of taarof label is so common in Iran that even in a store, the seller will tell you what the price of this or that product is: “It costs you nothing.” Local taxi drivers can for the first time refuse the money you hold for the ride. It’s all part of a kind of polite game, and you usually get used to it and eventually stop paying attention. Although taxi drivers no longer play this game with foreigners, as there are frequent cases where they left without paying.

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Mamat and Kristina have yet to have a magnificent wedding, which has caused a new wave of bewilderment among local parents. But at the conclusion of marriage (called nikah) in Iran, it turned out that the bride is protected by mehriya – gold coins that the husband is obliged to pay his wife in the event of a divorce. At the same time, even the cost of such a part is quite high – about $500.

A different number of coins are recorded as mehriya, but the number equal to the year of birth of the bride is particularly common. Of course, there were also selfless girls who, like Mehriya, asked to copy the Quran by hand 20 times. But more often men, drunk with love, insisted on entering a huge amount of coins into the contract.

So, over the past 10-15 years, mehriye has become a way for some women to earn money. The girl could register documents by date of birth, for example, 1980, and file for divorce a month later. If the unlucky spouse could not pay the mehriya, he was sent to prison.

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At one point, Iranian prisons were overflowing with victims of “gold swindlers”, and a law was passed at the state level that limited the mehriya to 110 pieces. However, this amount is also important for the local people, as it can be used to buy an apartment in southern Tehran. This is why there is now talk of limiting the mehriya to 14 pieces.

Of course, if you don’t take the example of “golden crooks”, a woman in Iran is protected by society and the law. For example, a man cannot get married if he does not have an apartment. But even just renting a house in Tehran is a very unprofitable story. To qualify for rent, you need to pay $8-10,000. With a monthly salary of $250, this accumulation turns into a task with an asterisk.

In Iran, it is not customary to sign on the sly, therefore, after arranging accommodation, which already belongs to the bride’s family, you will have to save for the celebration itself, where all relatives are summoned. Of course, wedding guests will give young people a lot of gifts – massive bracelets, chains and other jewelry made of yellow gold without stones. This precious metal is very popular in Iran, even if you do not take coins into account, so a married woman will always have her own capital in gold, which will help her in difficult times.

Read also: The most expensive, scandalous and secret weddings of 2021