Tosya Chaikina: “Before, I did not understand that my “shortcomings” and dissimilarity are my advantage”

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Family

All my family members are musicians. My mother and grandmother often took me with them to vocal competitions: sometimes I went as a participant, and sometimes I was as furniture when adults performed on stage. I will never forget how we went to a music competition in the city of Kohtla-Järve in Estonia by bus from St. Petersburg. I was 11 years old – at this age it seems that time moves very slowly: we drove, and all the way I listened to my CD-player. The bus, the sun beating in the face through the glass, and music in the ears. Feeling of travel and happiness.

During my school years, while all my classmates were walking, I went to a music school twice a week. And even if I didn’t have extra classes, I came home, did my homework and sat down at the instrument. At the time, it was torture for me. After all, I wanted to live easy and do only what I like. But now, thanks to those “torments”, I can afford to live for my own pleasure: get up when I want and do what I love. In general, I live the way I dreamed of as a child.

I studied at the Rimsky-Korsakov School, where my mother taught. In my third year, I met Andrey Zaporozhets, whom I listened to from the age of 13 as part of a group of 5‘nizza. I was in love with his solo project SunSay and knew every song by heart. Andrei was fascinated by my vocals and offered to go on tour with him. For me, it was a sign that I needed to leave college. By that time, a lot of debts had already accumulated and there was a terrible rejection of the educational process: many teachers tried to extinguish the individuality in musicians, feeling their power.

It seems to me that if you are a teacher, your mission is to interest and make the student fall in love with the subject. But there were few such teachers in the college. I had to lie to my mother and say that I was taking an academic, but I would definitely return and finish my studies. On this condition, she agreed to let me go, and when she found out that I was not going to return, she was very upset. Only three years later, when my mother saw how people sing my songs with me, she was able to accept my choice. Then I felt from her only boundless love and support.

Music

At 18, I wrote music for a ballet adults, which could be seen on the New Stage of the Alexandrinsky Theatre. It was shown only twice, but in both cases I was in the hall and received incredible pleasure. Another of my works, which I am very proud of, is the soundtrack for the TV series “Unprincipled”. This is one of my favorite songs. I easily wrote it for the task at hand.

The show is three years old and I still get feedback from people who say they don’t miss the credits because they really like the song. Cinema, ballet, performance – this is the framework in which you need to make the visual component brighter. And I get incredible pleasure from the process of writing songs not for myself. I’m interested in moving in this direction, so I’m always open to new suggestions.

I really want to publish on the platforms all my music written between 2013 and 2018. Then I had solo projects Tosyachai, Berry TrailInner Tones, but I was embarrassed to release tracks from one name, I was afraid that they would not understand me. Now I know that, on the contrary, one should rejoice at one’s creative diversity, because it is so wonderful when different music sounds in you.

I used to be addicted to being in love. Now I have calmed down, removed the mindset “only write songs when butterflies are in my stomach” and found many other tools for inspiration. Love is everywhere and in everything, it is not easy to see and sometimes it is difficult to manifest, but it is love in all manifestations that drives us.

I am inspired by kind, open people, nature, travelling, cinema, books, photographs, paintings, music… Once I got the idea to write a song about friends, I was sitting in the backyard of a cafe in the company and wrote the track “Friends” in an hour.

Sometimes, when I’m trying to fall asleep, a ready-made song may come to my mind, and then I have to make a choice in favor of sleep or creative energy that is rushing out. When I choose a dream, I fall asleep with the hope that in the morning I will remember what came to mind. And every time I get very upset if the idea disappears without a trace. Therefore, I try to immediately fix everything that I hear in my head.

Personal

During the pandemic, I saw the news that cases of domestic violence had increased. This prompted me to share my experience of abusive relationships in order to somehow help those who find themselves in a similar situation. My story received a huge response, and I wanted to go further and do broadcasts with a psychologist to discuss abuse and how to get out of such a relationship.

I received many letters with such revelations that, while reading them, I could not hold back my tears. I was shocked by what secrets and traumas sometimes hide behind a perfect picture. Unfortunately, I did not emotionally take out further participation in this project (live broadcasts with psychologists), but I know that several people have come out of abusive relationships, including guys. So, everything was not in vain.

I think that in the modern world every inhabitant of a metropolis needs a psychologist. We are such fragile beings! And it is very difficult to live in such a stream of information that endlessly flows and unconsciously settles in our minds. So having a psychologist is useful, even not on a permanent basis. I was in therapy for a couple of years, then there was a break for a year. I would like to return to the sessions soon, as many questions have accumulated. A good psychologist will listen and help you find answers by building new neural connections.

Style

At school, I was different from everyone else, and I didn’t like it. I had to adapt to the society so that you were accepted, and not expelled. Then I did not understand that my “shortcomings” and dissimilarity were my advantage and strengths in the future. Yes, I’m eccentric, somewhere funny, a little punk, at some moments a tomboy, but people (not all) like me because I’m honest and don’t try to portray myself as something.

Until 2021, I experimented a lot with hair: there were both extremely short and pink, but now I settled on long white hair. I think I finally found myself. I don’t know what will happen next, I don’t exclude that I will shave my head.

It’s hard for me to describe my style, I’m either a diva of incredible beauty, or a bum. (Laughs)But if I had to leave only two things in my wardrobe, I would opt for black leggings and a huge sweatshirt.

PHOTO: EKATERINA KOROSTEI

STYLE: MAXIM SINDEEV

MAKEUP: ALEXEY MAKSIMOV

HAIRSTYLE: IVAN IVANOV

PRODUCER: OLGA ZAKATOVA

ASSISTANT PRODUCER: ELIZAVETA KONDAKOV