Psychologist and father teaches practices that help in the quality of relationships with children
Before my daughter was born, a friend with two children told me that being a father would bring me a joy I didn’t think was possible.
Some say they have children it is to obtain an extension of the heart outside the body. All of this is true. Having children is joyful and rewarding. And it’s also difficult.
We want to support our children’s well-being and we also want to be happy, but everyday experiences sometimes get in the way. It could be the difficulty of leaving the house in the morning or taking a trip to the supermarket without having a nervous breakdown. It could be the urge to decompress after a long day where every step of the bedtime routine seems to provoke an argument.
These are common experiences for mothers and fathers. Most days, we just want things to be a little easier.
My research, my coauthors, and other scholars document what needs to be done to make everyday family experiences a little easier. And when we use these practices consistently, they can help reduce the risk of small problems turning into big pains and help propel our children to develop positive social and emotional skills they’ll use throughout their lives.
As a psychologist and parent, I have seen how using these practices can also improve the quality of our lives and help us reconnect with the joy of having children. See some tips below.
Pay attention to the positive
All our children want is us. They want our attention. They want to tell us what they learned in school. They want to show us that drawing they made. And they want to get our attention in any way they can.
If we miss an opportunity to pay attention to something positive, children may not follow our instructions because when they do, more often than not, they get a reaction from us. Our children show us more things that we pay attention to, both positive and negative.
Pay attention to positive things and children will exhibit more positive behaviors. Next time your child brushes his teeth, puts toys away, or says something nice to a friend, pay attention, comment, let him know you noticed and how happy you are.
Sometimes it’s hard to find the right words. Try searching online for “100 Ways to Praise a Child.” Put the list on your refrigerator or kitchen counter and refer to it when you need it. Few things are more rewarding than the way children react when we praise them.
Trust your strengths
When the challenges of parenting start piling up, we feel like failures. But you are not failing. You are strong and capable. Parenting is personal and we all have strengths.
Take some time each week to write down what having children means to you and what your strengths are as a parent. If you’re having trouble making a list, ask a friend or your kids for help.
Perhaps you know how to take the time to listen when your child has a story to tell. Maybe you know how to say encouraging words when the kids are having a hard day. Perhaps you can establish a routine so that getting ready in the morning is a little easier for everyone.
Writing down and remembering these strengths helps us notice when we’re doing well. When we are struggling, we can use these strengths as a starting point. Use encouraging words to get you through a tough morning. Go for a walk with your child when you are away. Take advantage of the structured morning routine to help you go to sleep.
Praise your child when he meets expectations.
Expectations are everywhere. At school, children are taught to behave, take care of objects, and follow instructions. At the supermarket, we are expected to put things away when we haven’t bought them and pay for them before leaving. We also have to wait for the traffic light to change to go through an intersection.
Expectations can help clarify what we want. Write down some family expectations that everyone can agree on, such as putting things away when we’re done using them or treating others the way you would like to be treated.
After everyone agrees on three or five expectations, see if your child follows them: Praise, encourage, take a celebratory walk. Sometimes it’s enough to agree on how we want to live under one roof.
Connect with your child’s school
Work as a team with your child’s teachers. Talking to teachers can help children at home and at school. Ask how things are at school. Share successes from home. When your child has had a rough weekend, tell the teacher. And when you need support, ask for a meeting with the teacher or school psychologist.
Our children benefit from consistency, and when the adults in their lives work together, there’s more consistency at home and at school. We can share what works at home so teachers can incorporate these ideas into the classroom. And we can learn about the strategies employed by teachers to use at home.
Having children can be difficult, but it’s also rewarding.
TRANSLATION BY RENATO PRELORENTZOU
Source: Terra
Ben Stock is a lifestyle journalist and author at Gossipify. He writes about topics such as health, wellness, travel, food and home decor. He provides practical advice and inspiration to improve well-being, keeps readers up to date with latest lifestyle news and trends, known for his engaging writing style, in-depth analysis and unique perspectives.
