How to keep your relationship healthy after having a baby

Psychologist Monique Stony explains that married life is often shaken up in the early years, but it’s possible to keep the flame of love burning

When a couple has a child, it is quite common for married life to be shaken up in the first few years after the birth. Some studies even point out that one in five couples end their relationship within a year of the baby’s arrival. Generally this happens because there is a great inconsistency of interests and expectations between the partners in the first months after the arrival of the children.

While the woman is trying to survive the chaos in the postpartum and postpartum period, trying to cope with the hormonal, physical and emotional changes of the period and focusing on ensuring the survival of the child, the impacts on the life of the partners tend to be significantly smaller.

According to Monique Stony, psychologist and HR manager, author of the book “Break the Syndrome of the Broken Step”, recently published by Editora Gente, it is more difficult for men to measure everything women are going through. Their commitment routines tend to revert to what they were before kids, and with that comes the expectation of regaining relationship focus with their partners.

“The man generally feels abandoned, trying to find his space in this relationship, now with new members. The responsibility for raising and caring for children usually falls to women. The overload of household activities increases, especially for them, as does exhaustion. The differences between the partners become more evident and the noise in the relationship, which already existed before the children, becomes unbearable,” he explains.

The difficulty of keeping the flame burning

But how to act to keep the flame of the relationship burning with all these changes? According to Monique, it is important to save the concept of Maslow’s Pyramid.

“There is a hierarchy of human needs. While the woman suffers from sleep deprivation, she is exhausted without being able to eat or shower properly, she will hardly have desire for her partner. So the needs at the bottom of the pyramid need to be addressed first. With a lot of communication, empathy and alliance in the relationship, agreements can be made about the division of tasks and responsibilities in the home, as well as asking for help from others to lighten the family’s load,” she suggests.

The psychologist believes that the flame is maintained when there is a feeling of collaboration and complicity between the couple.

“As long as the woman feels that she is not supported, that she is overloaded, that she cannot rely on her partner, this will naturally have an impact on her interest in him,” she says.

The moment when the differences become more evident

Explain that it is also common to see differences become apparent when challenges arise with children, such as in the way they are brought up, in the way they eat, in their lifestyle habits, in thinking about religion, politics or ways of life to relate.

“The best way to address this is to have this kind of conversation even before the kids arrive, understanding that everyone has their own perspective, but looking for a common point of understanding. After the children are born, then it is important to be open to listening and respecting each other’s perspective, having clear which points are negotiable for you and which are not, to try to reach an agreement ”, she reveals.

Furthermore, the expert underlines the importance of dedicating time only to the couple, to keep the ties close.

“It is also important that the couple know how to prioritize themselves, looking for moments without children. For this reason, establishing a routine for the children becomes a fundamental factor in opening up the space. For example, after the kids fall asleep, the couple can have a few hours at the end of the day to hang out or watch a movie together, at home,” she says.

It’s also worth planning for occasions, such as a weekend dinner out when the kids will be at their grandparents’ house, or playing sports together once a week. “Complicity, intentionality and creativity make the difference in keeping the flame burning in the relationship after the arrival of children,” she concludes.

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Source: Terra

Ben

Ben Stock is a lifestyle journalist and author at Gossipify. He writes about topics such as health, wellness, travel, food and home decor. He provides practical advice and inspiration to improve well-being, keeps readers up to date with latest lifestyle news and trends, known for his engaging writing style, in-depth analysis and unique perspectives.