Is there sex after fifty? Of course ! The psychologist says

A sexy woman is a young woman. Young, beautiful, without wrinkles and with a perfect body. It’s true? No, it’s not true, but this idea has been taught to us over many years – fashion magazines, movies and TV shows. This image has taken hold so well that the girls continue to assert seriously that “at thirty, I am already an old woman!” Well, yes, in the 19th century, when the average life expectancy was thirty years, you would have been an old woman (perhaps dead, by the way), but in the 21st?

Recently, the first images from the filming of the sequel to the popular Sex and the City series have appeared on the Web. The heroines, of course, have noticeably changed, but now they are not “a little over thirty”, but “a little over fifty” – everything is logical, time is inexorable. But the reaction on social media to these changes has been incredible, they’ve been called old women, asked what kind of sex it is and sent crawling to the graveyard, and the media has exercised their minds when formulating headlines.
We decided to figure out what was going on with sex after 50 on conditional and interviewed a real sex therapist about it.

Once before the New Year, I was talking with a friend about gifts for loved ones. My friend is 47 years old. She is an active woman with a good job, an interesting hobby, three adult daughters, an ex-husband and a great lover. She talked about what she was going to give her 78-year-old mother. Mom has been living alone for a long time after her divorce from dad, but she is quite happy with life: she swims, skis or bikes, goes to the museum with her friends, etc. My friend prepared a vibrator for my mother for New Years. Not just a vibrator, but a satisfire or a womanizer, but scientifically – a vacuum clitoris stimulator. And no, my friend didn’t ask me if it would shock my mother. She was delighted with her idea and with burning eyes said how she had made it all up.

The age limits at which “you can have sex” are gradually changing. But they don’t change like that, but as a result of changes in attitudes towards age in general. These changes have taken place over the past 50 years. Watch classic Soviet films, 50-year-old women are already grandmothers there, the category “over 30” – you are welcome to the special club “Who is over 30”. Today’s men and women in their thirties look younger than mid-twentieth-century teenagers and are just beginning to make plans for a family and a career (if they have any plans at all) , 40-year-olds start a new career, 50 Under-2s fall in love, and 70-year-olds seem ready to finally experience all the joys of sex.

The role of sex itself is changing. American anthropologist Helen Fisher identifies three “traditional” reasons for sex:
1) lust (desire for sexual pleasure, biological arousal);
2) romantic love (obsession with a specific partner);
3) attachment (a calm and reliable union with a long-term partner, including the formation of a permanent couple, monogamy, parenthood and interbreeding).

All these reasons are familiar to us. And if the first two simply cease to be of special interest with age, then the third – attachment – in modern society is less and less resistant to the test of time and, therefore, disappears also. What’s left? There is still a fourth reason to have sex! It was formulated by the American sexologist David Schnarch, it is “to feel: a root part of your sexual desire.” And when, if not in adulthood, is the best time to study feeling through sexual desire? To understand your body, you have to feel it. And when you feel, you want the body to know what love, affection, tenderness is.

Previously, sex toys were produced mainly in the form of dildos, that is, if it was a toy, then something in the form of a penis and vibrated. However, most women experience orgasms from direct clitoral stimulation, and only a small percentage of the female population experience orgasms from clitoral stimulation through the vaginal walls (surprise, all female orgasms are clitoral). It turns out that as soon as a woman, because of her age, no longer “needs” to be interested in male members, why should she be interested in vibrators?
Plus the notorious ban on masturbation, which women of previous generations successfully passed down from mother to daughter. However, thanks to the available information, more and more women now understand that female masturbation is not a sin, nothing superfluous will come out of it, and nothing necessary will fall out. And for a relationship with a man, masturbation is just a plus, because the more orgasms a woman has, the more she enjoys sex. So, clitoral stimulators combined with sex with a partner or with a traditional dildo are a good thing for an older woman.

Many women over 50 and even 60 now position themselves as sexually active, but they also have a number of objections. First, physiology. The main complaint is vaginal dryness. Yes, the onset of menopause and hormonal changes affect the condition of the mucous membrane. But there are ways to solve this problem.
The first is the medicine, you need to visit a gynecologist and he will select the medicine.
The second is even simpler – lubrication. There’s nothing to be ashamed of, lubricants are available not only in sex shops (and sex shops are delivered, including the “modest” – in closed boxes without labels), but also in ordinary pharmacies.
The third, classic, is the training of the muscles of the pelvic floor. Now there are a lot of formations, some of them are questionable, but that does not mean that you should completely abandon this idea. First, don’t forget the good old Kegel exercises. Secondly, there are special simulators, jade eggs, online and offline courses and lectures. Training activates the blood supply to the pelvic organs, which contributes to longevity and health. It is important to find an instructor that is right for you. If the trainer focuses on “pumping” muscle strength, you should be wary. The fact is that the conscious relaxation of the muscles of the pelvic floor is no less important than their strength, so I advise you to opt for those methods that harmoniously combine training and relaxation.
Well, the fourth, which I advise all women to try, is an intimate massage. And to prevent dryness and other inconveniences during sexual intercourse, massage is an excellent practice. There are massage therapists who offer yoni massage service. There are self-massage techniques, but self-massage will be more effective if you consult a sex therapist first.

Everyone matures at their own pace, even though we are in a very close relationship. Intimacy is not about adjusting to each other. Intimacy is giving the other the freedom to evolve at their own pace. Sexuality is not just copulation. Sexuality is intimacy. It’s important to be honest about your own needs. With the recognition of the right of the other to the fact that he cannot temporarily satisfy these needs. What kind of compromise can there be? There is no universal solution. Someone gives another the right to masturbate, someone begins to be interested in new opportunities (the same satisfers or yoni massage). Someone agrees to personal space and separate bedrooms, if possible. And someone begins to explore a new world, where sexuality is not only copulation, but also caress, tenderness, the opportunity to be with another. Well, it doesn’t hurt for a man to learn clitoral orgasm from a woman at any age. Yes, according to research, even a paralyzed woman can have an orgasm! Man, alas, no. What can it bring to a man? From the perspective of a dildo-oriented culture, not much. And from the point of view of closeness – the abyss of possibilities.

But besides Viagra, physical activity, a healthy diet, as well as oriental practices that stimulate the male libido, such as qigong, are recommended.

It is important to start with yourself. Clumsiness arises from the fact that a woman or a man gets used to evaluating himself through the eyes of another. And this is the path to mutual alienation, regardless of age. When, if not now, is it worth focusing on yourself and asking yourself the questions “What do I want?” What I feel? “And if the answer is still awkwardness, then you still have to spend a lot of time with yourself, studying yourself, in order to overcome that awkwardness.

This is not a reason to forget about sex! On the contrary, it is an opportunity to remember him! Here and satisfy, and intimate massage, and fantasies!

A beautiful, self-confident 56-year-old woman starts working with a yoni egg and for the first time in her life experiences a multiple orgasm that lasts over an hour. And not just once.
A 62-year-old married woman has sex but complains of vaginal dryness and pain during penetration. After starting to practice intimate self-massage, all discomfort disappears, pleasant relaxation occurs during intercourse, and libido increases
In a relationship, 60 and 68 years old, he is sexually active. She never really liked sex, but they decided to deal with it. And they figured it out pretty quickly! It was because of some limiting beliefs that she had inherited from her mother (can you imagine how long ago?), but during her work on body practices and beliefs, those beliefs clearly seemed to her. exceeded, and the couple entered a new honeymoon period.

I really like the definition: “A woman of age is a wise woman.” A wise woman is one who knows what love is. And above all, self-love. And a woman who knows what self-love is is a very sexy woman. No matter his age.