Whether cheating is forgivable or not depends on some factors and some decisions you have to make. Figure out which one
Few things are as painful in a relationship as betrayal by one of the parties. But the experience brings with it an incredible opportunity to grow as you reflect on the opportunity betrayal is forgivable or not.
That’s because this extremely painful situation can be a place to learn more about yourself, the other person, and ultimately the problems in the relationship. It just depends on how you deal with it.
Whether discovered or revealed, betrayal always brings out many contradictory feelings. It hurts a lot because we put our trust in the other person and they disappoint us.
We also swore mutual exclusivity and a third person was involved in the relationship without the consent of all parties. Just as we alone honored the commitment we made and were forced to share our loved one with another person.
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When did exclusivity appear in relationships?
Despite being emblematic in current culture, monogamy is not something innate in human beings. It is relatively recent in our history.
Monogamy emerged as a necessary tool for the preservation of private property. Without this requirement, men would have no way of knowing whether children conceived within marriage were truly theirs.
This would have a direct impact on family wealth, which would no longer belong to the family if illegitimate children inherited it.
Nowadays, the reasons for demanding monogamy are not the same, and the feelings that betrayal provokes in us are extreme. Many consider it the final point of a relationship.
But more important than the fate of the couple is evaluating the causes that allowed a third person to enter the relationship. It will be during the examination of these reasons that we will understand how we got there and how to move forward.
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Identify the cause of the betrayal
Two things need to be clear from the start. First, no one cheats alone. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, but it is not common for there to be no problems between the couple and one party cheats.
We are all socially and culturally programmed to be faithful, so cheating is a transgression even for the cheater. I therefore believe that there is a strong motivation behind this act. It is generally fueled (consciously or not) by both parties in the relationship.
The second important point to keep in mind is that, even if both parties have an interest in the real reason for the betrayal, betrayal is always a personal choice.
Therefore the responsibility is always unique and exclusive to the person who cheats. Even if motivating factors are built with the participation of both parties, we cannot blame the other person for cheating.
No matter how many problems we have with our significant other, we can always choose a thousand different paths towards infidelity. And if we choose to cheat, the responsibility is solely ours.
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Once cheated, what to do?
Many people decide to tell their partner in the name of presumed sincerity, which in reality can hide a profound selfishness. We cannot bear the burden of our conscience and must share it with the other person.
We feel terrible about ourselves and need others to alleviate this feeling by “forgiving” our actions. Then, if the other person forgives us, we can rest our head on the pillow and sleep in peace, having enjoyed the betrayal and now enjoying the forgiveness for having committed it.
But what about the other, what does this process look like? If our sincerity comes from the love we feel, we should keep our partner’s well-being in mind above all else.
What to do?
We do not share the decision or the pleasure of betrayal with the other, but we want him to help us carry the weight of the mistake.
Others don’t even have the chance to decide whether to tell or not: they are discovered before they can reveal themselves. The best thing to do is to let the dust settle, then sit back and evaluate:
- the reasons why the relationship has come this far
- what the cheater lacked to look for something outside of the relationship
- where everyone went wrong
- what they could have done better
- what that betrayal meant for the person who committed it. Was it just a moment? Was there feeling involved?
From there you will be able to clearly see whether it is possible to forgive and continue the relationship on other bases, or whether it is better to move on to something else, especially if the betrayed partner cannot or does not want to forgive.
However, even though cheating is a violation of a mutual exclusivity agreement, when we date someone else we don’t always cheat on them.
Often the desire is simply to exercise our right to freedom, to satisfy a momentary desire, without the aim of hurting the other or making up for some absence in the relationship.
In this case, the most important thing is to be ethical in any case, which means acting while preserving our partner, his public and social image, his health and everything that our attitude can achieve.
Is betrayal forgivable or not?
When we publicly make a commitment to another person, we decide to give up our freedom to become partially “possessed by.” However, we remain our own masters.
And we have the right, at some point, to decide to do something with what belongs to us without necessarily asking the other person’s permission. In this case, our obligation is to protect our partner from any pain and continue to be faithful on many other levels of the relationship, which go beyond the physical and sexual.
We can continue to be present fathers, present husbands, lifelong friends and partners in difficult situations, without exposing ourselves, ridiculing, betraying within the circle of friends, or with our partner’s best friend.
Yes, we can respond to a momentary desire while preserving all other instances of the relationship.
Does betrayal mean the end?
Contrary to what many people think, betrayal does not necessarily happen when the relationship has exhausted all its possibilities.
It can happen out of anger, revenge, lack, self-sabotage (there are people who don’t know how to accept their own happiness and look for a way to destroy it), and it can also work as a “crutch” for the relationship.
Since we can’t find a way to get what we lack with our partner – but we also can’t conceive of life without that person – we look outside for a remedy.
Even if temporary or failed, this momentary solution allows us to continue living in the relationship we have chosen, despite the problem we cannot solve.
In many ways, betrayal is an opportunity for growth for a couple. It does not necessarily have to be the end, nor does it represent the failure of the relationship.
Like everything in life, it will only depend on how the couple uses the experience and how mature they are in dealing with their problems. The result of this experience could be a more mature and consolidated relationship.
Or the end, where everyone follows their own path with greater awareness of their own needs and limits.
The mail Can betrayal be forgiven? Understand what comes after this situation appeared first Personalize.
Marcia Fervienza (info@marciafervienza.com)
– Astrologer and therapist for over 20 years. He combines his experience with analytical consultancy with working with astrology to facilitate self-knowledge, empowerment and personal transformation.
Source: Terra

Ben Stock is a lifestyle journalist and author at Gossipify. He writes about topics such as health, wellness, travel, food and home decor. He provides practical advice and inspiration to improve well-being, keeps readers up to date with latest lifestyle news and trends, known for his engaging writing style, in-depth analysis and unique perspectives.