Couples who met on a dating app say they are constantly subjected to prejudice when they are in public places.
One idle morning, graphic design student Marina Melo, 20, decided to install a dating app to pass the time.
After swiping countless times to reject profiles, a guy appeared who said he was studying philosophy and was wearing a Spider-Man costume.
“I love Spider-Man and I’m also a little philosophical, so I said yes and the meeting happened. Since then, June 29, 2023, I haven’t gone a day without talking to Victor,” she said. he says passionately in an interview with BBC News Brasil.
Marina uses a wheelchair and was diagnosed with spinal muscular atrophy (SMA) type 2 at the age of 8 months, which is why she was unable to walk. She clarified this condition on the app’s profile, where she also posted two photos of her in her motorized chair.
Ten days after their first conversation on the app, Marina and Victor Martins Rodrigues, 23, had their first date in a shopping mall in Rio de Janeiro. The first kiss, however, only happened the second time they saw each other.
“I was also criticized by my mother for not kissing him on the first date. She said that statistics say kissing is good for your health,” Marina says laughing.
She says she had two brief relationships, at the ages of 14 and 16, but only with Victor did she feel comfortable being authentic and having more autonomy. She says that with her boyfriend she has more autonomy and independence, she has stopped self-sabotaging and is much happier.
“He made me understand that my disability is just a characteristic. He made me understand that, if I have support, I can do anything. It was with him that I took the subway for the first time. I had never walked so far on the road after meeting him. He taught me that without it the world is not accessible, that people are not.
Victor, who is studying philosophy in his ninth semester at the Federal University of Rio de Janeiro (UFRJ), says he liked Marina’s Tinder profile because he was struck by her beauty and didn’t mind the fact that she was in a wheelchair. wheels.
“I was bored, and I opened the app and started scrolling. The first thing I thought when I looked at it was: This woman is a Greek goddess! I had never seen myself as a woman with a disability,” she says.
Chantelle Otten, a relationship expert at the dating app Bumble, says that having a disability doesn’t mean a person should shy away from the dating world. And she underlines that attitudes like Marina’s, of making one’s condition understood, are ideal.
Being honest from the start shows that while having a disability is part of who a person is, it is not the only characteristic that defines them as a person. We recommend that you talk about all the interesting hobbies and passions that are part of your life experiences,” she says.
She says the person can also talk about the unique perspectives that come with their disability, such as a deep understanding of empathy and compassion or a creative approach to problem solving.
“This allows potential partners to understand that having a disability doesn’t limit your life, it expands it,” Otten says.
A new routine
Spinal muscular atrophy type 2 is a degenerative disease that causes severe limitations in mobility.
People with SMA 2 can sit without needing support, but may lose this ability as the disease progresses. Some patients can stand but cannot walk independently. Many have contractures and joint deformities, including severe scoliosis.
Patients like Marina also have breathing difficulties and may need support to breathe during sleep and maneuvers to remove secretions.
Victor has also had previous relationships and says that the experience with Marina brings several changes in the routine of a person used to living with typical people.
“Many things have changed. I used to stay out until the early hours of the morning. Nowadays going to the bar is difficult because it can’t be very far from his house, the road is not accessible and it has changed my perspective on what a relationship is. I have I really understood what it means to love someone,” he says.
Victor says that, in his previous relationships, he had a less deep relationship.
This is because, when he is with Marina, Victor helps her with all the basic daily tasks, such as taking a shower, changing clothes and drinking water. He says he uses humor to make these activities fun.
“As I wash her face, I act like a clown to make her laugh. So these natural, everyday things become fun,” he says.
Kisses against prejudice
Marina and Victor say they are constantly looked at critically when they go out on the street. These are people who don’t actually talk, but show discomfort that a typical person would date a woman in a wheelchair.
After living with the situation, the couple developed a technique to embarrass these people: giving a kiss.
“Everyone looks at a person with a disability. When this happens, Victor looks at these people very badly and gets irritated. He asks me to give me a kiss to make the person very uncomfortable and we have fun,” he says.
He said reactions when this happens range from finding the scene “cute” to making a new expression of surprise and discomfort.
But on some occasions, prejudicial reactions overcome the barrier of appearance and become verbal. Victor says that once, a man stopped to ask her if she was his sister. Another asked Marina if he could pray for her.
“I am possessed by anger. I look at the faces of these people and ask them to touch each other. Marina always asks me to calm down and not do anything. Sometimes I still swear, but I leave,” says Victor.
“A political report”
When asked how much this prejudicial behavior bothers her, Marina replies that it is not enough to stop making public displays of affection.
Additionally, she has become a content creator and posts videos mostly on TikTok and Instagram about her daily life, makeup tips, and of course, her relationship. For her, these events aim to help other people with disabilities accept themselves.
“I told Victor that from the moment we made our relationship public, it would become a political relationship. It’s a political movement because it shows that people with disabilities can love and be loved,” Marina says.
Victor says he’s even heard from people close to him that “he’s a warrior” for dating a wheelchair user. He reports that he replies that he is not a warrior and is with her because he loves her without worrying about her condition.
Victor agrees that their relationship is political and says he hopes other people see them as an example of true, no-holds-barred love.
“I want others to look at us and see the possibility of loving. Don’t be ashamed to love, don’t be ashamed to love the person you love even against what society thinks,” he says.
Nearly a year after meeting, the couple says they meet often, go on trips together and also do a lot of traveling and planning for the future.
Marina dreams of living in Sao Paulo. “I have an inner love for Vila Olímpia (neighborhood south of São Paulo)”, she tells the journalist. Victor is still not very used to the idea and says that he will suggest a middle ground that he hasn’t thought of yet.
He dreams of becoming a father. Marina is fertile and could become pregnant, but at this point she is the one who puts up the most resistance.
“I don’t think it’s right for me. Or maybe I still have the mind of a little girl. I already have a lot of restrictions, but at the same time I would like to have the process of creating someone for the world,” she says, acknowledging that she has doubts about motherhood.
But for both questions the two say they don’t feel rushed to answer. Marina today says that she will focus her content on networks to give voice to minorities and that she will worry about moving to another city and having children in a few years.
“None of this is for now. Who knows, maybe in 2030.”
Source: Terra
Ben Stock is a lifestyle journalist and author at Gossipify. He writes about topics such as health, wellness, travel, food and home decor. He provides practical advice and inspiration to improve well-being, keeps readers up to date with latest lifestyle news and trends, known for his engaging writing style, in-depth analysis and unique perspectives.
