“I think you are an emotional vampire”: 5 tips to face exhaustive relationships

The expression “emotional vampire” indicates people around us who can somehow drain all their energy every time you are with them.

Do you have an “emotional vampire” in your life?

We are not talking about vampires like Dracula, who sleep in coffins and feed on blood.

The expression “emotional vampire” refers to the people around you who can somehow drain all your energy every time you are with them. They are friendships who know only how to complain, who require you to always feel like them and listen to their problems, never asking your life.

An emotional vampire manifests several specific characteristics, according to the psychologist and writer Suzy Reading, to the program The woman of the woman (“The Hour of the Woman”, in free translation), from BBC Radio 4.

“They have an excessive need to attract attention, validation, reconfirmation,” he explained. “But also the feeling that nothing that happened in life is their fault.”

While they are concentrated in the self, in the ego, they are also aware of their behavioral models and impacts that cause others, according to the psychologist. But they have little compassion for others without being aware of the lack of empathy.

In addition to being exhausted, these relationships can gradually weaken your self -esteem and make you doubt if you are not the problem.

The journalist Radhika Sanghani has undergone a similar experience. The program The woman of the woman He also invited her to say how the problem faced.

“When I was a teenager and after turning 20, I think I can’t identify [os vampiros emocionais]”Remember.

“I wondered if it was my fault:” Why doesn’t this conversation work? Maybe it’s me? “”

Over time, it has been able to realize that its emotional fatigue was due to these people and it was necessary to establish limits.

Here are five tips of Reading and Sanghani to find out how to deal with emotional vampires in life.

1. Talk directly about behavior

Reading underlines that when we face a person to communicate our opinion on their behavior, “we must have the ability to express our criticisms, be simple and say:” When you do such a thing, I feel so “.

Otherwise, the person can spend the rest of his life to look at their friendships disappearing, without having the idea of why.

“It’s an opportunity for growth,” says the psychologist.

“There are many examples of people who receive critical comments and are perplexed. They had no idea of the impact of their behavior on others.”

Therefore, we have to tell them what we think, but with skill. And if there are no changes, you will first have to think about our needs.

2. Insert how you feel

“What I try to do, and I feel that it gives me a lot, is to find the courage to give my opinion,” says Sanghani.

“I’m not saying: ‘I think you’re an emotional vampire.’ I am saying: “See, I feel that, lately, when we get together, there is not really much room for me. I feel I don’t feel. You really don’t ask me questions. ‘”

The important thing is that everything that is communicated to the person is said aloud, recommends Sanghani.

“For me, a true friendship that deserves to be maintained, investing in it, is the one in which the person can listen to me and have a conversation about it.”

“They deny or pushes the defensive immediately, it shows me that he is not a person I want in my life.”

3. Establish limits

Reading suggests that when the “emotional vampire” has no desire or desire to make changes, we must protect ourselves, clearly communicating what we need, to know that the relationship with it is safe and healthy.

“It is a matter of dedicating time to identify these warning signals and observe: where are we? What energy levels are they? We must allow us to take everything calmly.”

On the other hand, you can express it directly: “I’m sorry, but I have to end this relationship”.

But in the case of a report from which neither parts can be issued, the solution would be to establish limits on the form of communication. Simple things like “we will not send an infinite sequence of mutual messages” or “we are not talking about our emotional life”.

“The nature of this communication should also be very well oriented, making it clear what is good and what is not”, says Reading.

4. Consider how much you expose yourself

As far as possible, reduce the time you spend exposed to these relationships and take the freedom to decide whoever you want to spend your time.

You can also opt for the meeting place, the activity you will do, how much time and frequency, indicates reading.

If you have identified someone in your life that drains all your emotional energy, but with which you want to maintain friendship, think of other activities you can do.

“Instead of sitting for coffee and face this noise wall, why don’t you go out to walk?” Suggests the psychologist.

“Why don’t they train together to satisfy their mutual needs? This reduces the tendency for the other person to master everything. Better: they will play tennis!”

5. Examine what you are getting from the report

Sanghani and his friends have created a useful system to face these situations. They call it +2, -2 and zero.

“If you have a social encounter, do you think: was it +2, did you go euphoric? Was it a zero, do you feel neutral? Or was it -2, how after having had an” emotional vampire “that we wear you?”

The journalist guarantees that he makes this calculation with family, friends and colleagues, which helps in his routine.

“How am I intended to plan my week? Will I have a lot of zeros there? Will I be able to put a little +2? If you have a -2, can I compensate with a +2?” Example.

The important thing is to consider that what can be exhausted for you is not the same for others. But if the situation is irreparable, you shouldn’t be afraid to end the relationship, says Sanghani.

“In some situations, if it is easy, I’m going to escape, especially if it is someone I just met,” he explains. “If it’s a first appointment, I don’t go out with an” emotional vampire “.”

“Obviously, it is much more complicated if it is someone with a closer relationship with.”

* This relationship has been adapted by a conversation between psychologist and writer Suzy Reading and journalist Radhika Sanghani with Anita Rani, conductor of the program The woman of the womanfrom the BBC Radio 4.

Listen to the episode that gave rise to this relationship (in English) on the site BBC Audio.

Source: Terra

Ben

Ben Stock is a lifestyle journalist and author at Gossipify. He writes about topics such as health, wellness, travel, food and home decor. He provides practical advice and inspiration to improve well-being, keeps readers up to date with latest lifestyle news and trends, known for his engaging writing style, in-depth analysis and unique perspectives.