Find out how to manage expectations and reduce frustrations

In the last week of October, one of my best friends got fired. He had a good position, more than 18 months in the company, plans for the future and, although there were also common dissatisfactions, he was happy to do what he did. He hadn’t noticed any mention of the sacking in the previous days. So, there was no time to suffer or feel any anguish beforehand. However, already faced with uncertainty and surprise, a new universe has also arrived, full of ideas, possibilities and expectations for tomorrow.

expectations motivatemy search for results

There is no avoiding them: expectations accompany us in almost every moment of our life and our relationships. At this moment, as I write, I keep in me a hope, a yearning that you, reading, will like it and find yourself in at least one line of this text. And that ends up motivating me even more. It’s normal to feel this way. Alright then. In fact, my therapist always tells me that expectations are important and necessary, because they move us, they push us forward, and without them, our lives would be very monotonous.

“Waiting doesn’t just mean waiting for something unlikely, but the hope that something desired will happen. In other words: it can also be linked to faith,” psychologist Naara Amim points out. This hope drives us in a balanced way towards the realization of our desires and acts as a force, encouraging us to pursue what our heart dreams of. “Waiting must be associated with hope with protagonism, when the person believes that desire can be realized and then works seriously to achieve it”, completes Naara.

Importance of managing expectations

The problem, really, is when that feeling starts consuming us to the point where it paralyzes our actions, taking over all our thoughts, bringing that constant angst and nagging squeeze to our chest, you know? Caught up in these sensations, we tend to anticipate what hasn’t happened yet and, as a result, we suffer and punish ourselves in the face of uncertainty. But is it possible to live all this harmoniously and live with expectations in a healthy way?

It does. And an important point is to become aware of our limits and learn to differentiate reality from illusion so as not to get carried away by anxiety and frustration. What can be accomplished now? Do I really want it? What is in my reality and what is too utopian? Or: what can I do today to fuel my long-term dreams?

Answering these questions can be a way to better understand where we are depositing our energies and which of our wills are really ours or just a projection created by our ego. Also because the “front” may not even happen. Therefore, it does not justify so much suffering and wear out for him. “The biggest challenge around expectations is this healthy dose, balancing wishes and real longings, so that you don’t develop frustrations or trauma from releasing too much energy waiting for something far beyond your possibilities at the moment,” reflects Naara.

Weighing expectations doesn’t mean giving up on dreams

It doesn’t mean we’re going to give up on our wildest dreams. On the contrary: feeding them prepares us and pushes us to take small daily steps towards ours. But focusing all of our energy and expectations only on the distant future can keep us from experiencing even more beautiful things in the present. This is also where we plant the seeds of our future crops. And every little plant needs time, patience and care to finally bloom.

“Balance lies in not ceasing to dream, in not losing faith in our desires. Waiting shouldn’t be linked to waiting for our desires to magically come true, with arms crossed”, explains Naara. Therefore, we can consider that waiting that leads us to action to be healthy. And, instead of causing us anxiety and suffering, it shows us the countless possibilities to continue to exist and have hope in our path.

“Anxiety is strongly linked to the difficulty of facing what is happening in the present moment and projecting its consequences or outcomes into the future, awakening fear. It is at this point that expectations must be taken care of,” completes Naara.

The daily practice of self-knowledge avoids frustrations

This care with expectations also passes through different points of attention to our mind. That little ant job of withdrawing into oneself every time an anguish facing tomorrow threatens to overwhelm us. Around here, when thoughts start to fly too much, generating a certain discomfort, I’ve done the exercise of stopping, breathing and bringing them back to their place.

It doesn’t always work and it’s harder than it looks. But I’ve noticed a big change in the way I live my relationships from the moment I come to myself and stop blaming or expecting too much from the other. This helps me to understand that some projections are only mine and without any foundation.

You you risk creating expectations in others

These expectations that seek a home in the other are also quite dangerous, because they lead us to expect people to act in a certain way, always in relation to our beliefs. That’s when we get angry when someone doesn’t match our idealization simply because he has his own ideals and will.

Naara told me that, many times, this happens because the desire to relate to a certain person is so great that we override some signs of non-reciprocity. Then comes the frustration, when we focus on reality and see the other as they are, far from our expectations.

Trusting in life’s surprises changes your gaze on the world

“In recent years, I have trusted more in life, in surprises, in what I have no control over. I have tried to keep an open mind to not knowing and I have done the exercise of cultivating my aspirations: what I offer instead than I hope,” suggests Priscilla Almeida. She specializes in mental health in primary care and facilitates conversation circles.

He told me that this trust exercise helps him see the world for all that it already offers, without making too many demands or creating great idealizations. “Letting go of expectations about outcomes helps me live the journey and accept the experiences that come along,” he exemplifies.

Sharing expectations allows for new paths

Another exercise suggested by Priscilla is sharing expectations. She said she encourages her children Miguel, 9, and Bia, 6, to share their concerns, as we often have difficulty seeing for ourselves alternatives or situations that could impact our expectations.

According to her, sharing helps broaden our vision and understanding. “Every time they talk about some expectation, I ask: besides this possibility, what others can happen? Let’s see how many new things we can imagine together? This helps to see a universe of paths”.

Experiences help to understand the fickleness of life

Revisiting experiences also has the role of helping to perceive and welcome impermanence. Looking at what has already happened, meditating on what happened as expected and what surprised beyond measure are actions that help us understand that nothing in our life is permanent and facilitate detachment from results.

“Dedicating time to making aspirations that contemplate myself and other people supports me to live the path and accept the experiences that arise. It takes me away from waiting for external and internal rewards for what I have done,” observes Priscilla.

Diversity and vulnerability are related to expectations

For all this self-knowledge to be a part of our daily lives, bringing us closer to this field of healthy expectations, psychologist Naara Amim says it is also essential to accept diversity, as well as our vulnerabilities. In this way we manage to distance ourselves from the idea of ​​perfection, both in relation to others and to ourselves, and we continue with more concreteness and lightness.

“This helps us focus on the present moment, starting with an acceptance that what is real may not always be what we want, but it also doesn’t mean that there is no potential for beauty, learning and happiness in it,” he concludes.

Opening up to the new and to life’s adventures won’t lower our expectations. And that’s not even our goal. But, from the moment we give them a place, we also find the balance between our desires and our actions, becoming lighter and more pleasant to follow. One expectation at a time.

Published by Vida Simples magazine.

By Deborah Gomes

He is a journalist and has understood that, in order to be in tune with expectations, it is also necessary to accept fears and anxieties.