From infancy, they learn to interpret nonverbal cues, promote harmony, and deepen connections through silent observation.
Have you ever slipped up by saying something so inappropriate that it echoed in the awkward silence that followed, when you immediately wanted to dig a hole to hide?
This has happened to many people.
Often the comment wasn’t even wrong, but it was made inappropriately.
And what was missing was nunchiwhich means something like “visual measurement”.
This is a traditional Korean concept that requires observation and subsequent evaluation of not only individuals, but also the overall context and atmosphere in any social setting.
“If we think about the things we said that seemed strange, inappropriate, or offensive, most of the time we could have avoided them if we had just slowed down,” explains Korean-American journalist and writer Euny Hong to the BBC.
This is exactly what it’s about: taking a moment to understand the dynamics of situations in order to manage social interactions correctly.
“It’s a kind of sensitivity to the environment you’re in,” says Jin Park, professor and chair of the Department of Philosophy and Religion at the American University in Washington.
“When you walk into a room, you quickly assess the situation – what people think, what they feel – and then decide how to behave. This is the beginning of nunchi in the real world.”
In the real world, he adds, there are different situations in which you encounter people in need of help.
“When this happens, you can use the nunchi and do something. So, the nunchi It has a here and now quality.”
For Park, the nunchi It’s not exactly a skill.
“If we just called it a skill, it would become too functional. I think it started as a way of living together.”
“South Korea is a very densely populated country, and if you need to coexist with people in a small space, you have to find a way to coexist.”
In more “spacious” countries, he explains, if you don’t like someone, you can go home and move on with your life.
“In Korea it’s very difficult to do that. It’s kind of a communal, collectivist society. You have to find a way to treat people. That’s why I think nunchi started to develop,” Park says.
In his words, it’s about discerning “what is the best way to relate to other people without hurting yourself, but at the same time without hurting other people’s feelings.”
Since childhood
THE nunchitherefore, it not only helps to know how to behave well, but also to be attentive to the needs of others… often without the need for words.
It’s passing a handkerchief to someone without them asking; or discreetly greet others when arriving at an event so as not to interrupt an ongoing conversation; listen and observe before speaking.
When it comes to silences, instead of fearing them and filling them with words, it is often worth valorizing them.
“THE nunchi It also has to do with the role of language,” says Hong, the book’s author The Power of Nunchi: The Korean Secret to Happiness and Success.
“East Asian culture values silence, they say silence is golden.”
“You have to be able to understand the other by looking into his eyes, without having to verbalize ‘I love you’ or ‘I like you’ or ‘you’re right’ or ‘you’re wrong’, because people don’t always express clearly what they have need, how you feel.”
“THE nunchi plays a very important role in this.”
Hong warns, however, that the nunchi It’s not just about interpreting the environment around you or understanding other people.
“It’s something constant, you have to be trained. It’s essential to be a sort of silent observer,” he explains.
And it is deeply rooted in Korean society.
“Children learn from the moment they can communicate.”
“When parents tell their children, ‘Look both ways before you cross the street,’ Korean parents do it, and they say the way to know how to behave in any situation, no matter how strange, is to watch what happens around you.”
“THE nunchi It’s central to Korean society, and one of the ways it manifests itself in school, for example, is that teachers don’t tell students everything they need to know.”
“They tell you there’s a project, but they’re vague on the details and the kids have to figure out what they should bring to the project.”
“Or they’re told there will be a test, but they don’t get any further information, and it’s all part of your education. You have to figure it out on your own. Koreans believe that from the beginning.”
Tools
According to Hong’s book, nunchi it is “the art of understanding what people think and feel,” a quality of being sensitive to the dynamics within a group.
In practice, the nunchi It consists in observing, when you are in company, aspects such as who speaks, who listens, who interrupts, who apologizes and who makes gestures of desperation or complacency.
From there you can make assessments about the nature of relationships and hierarchies within a group and the general mood, and know how to behave accordingly.
Koreans say that those who are truly skilled have a “nunchi fast” – that is, the ability to rapidly process changing social information.
Their chances of succeeding in any social context are high: they are more likely to socialize and network, and they are less likely to appear clueless or incompetent, or to commit embarrassing gaffes like the ones we talked about at the beginning.
But can someone who has not been trained since childhood learn to discern all these signs to develop the? nunchi?
Hong, who has suffered from social anxiety her entire life, notes that the tools recommended for dealing with the condition are similar to those for nunchi.
“Simply put, there’s one thing people with anxiety are taught: If you’re feeling very agitated or about to have a panic attack, ask yourself if you’re hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.”
“You have to analyze yourself. Knowing yourself is too nunchiit’s not just about observing others.”
“And another thing they teach you is to stop and name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can smell.”
“It’s about, firstly, slowing down and, secondly, engaging directly with the environment, and these are tools of nunchi that you can use whether you experience anxiety or not.”
THE nunchi It can therefore be a self-protection tool to avoid embarrassing moments.
But it can also be a way to develop closer relationships, to understand between the lines what others are saying, perhaps not out loud.
For Park this means looking beyond ourselves.
In her opinion, the most valuable thing people could learn to add value to their lives is to “try to see yourself as a member of a community, rather than just an individual, and try to understand others and fit into that context “.
“We are increasingly talking about the global community and, in this context, about nunchi It can be seen as a way to understand others and find a way to live together.”
*This report is based on the episode “How to Read Beyond the Room” of the BBC series “Something to Declare”. Listen here the episode (in English).
Source: Terra
Rose James is a Gossipify movie and series reviewer known for her in-depth analysis and unique perspective on the latest releases. With a background in film studies, she provides engaging and informative reviews, and keeps readers up to date with industry trends and emerging talents.
