“Why did he say that?!” : translation from masculine to human

Analytical ability is certainly a wonderful thing, and the success of Sherlock Holmes is always amazing. It’s cool to look at a man like that and bring him a pile of old newspapers and an alarm clock: “Why?” Here you have pink blonde hair over the shoulder, your ex just today on Instagram (a social network recognized as extremist and banned in the Russian Federation) hung a photo in a half-naked look and with a cool hairstyle . You obviously filmed, so you have nowhere to spend the night today, so the newspapers will come in handy on the bench to sleep, the cell phone will be discharged, but you have to get up to work.

But in practice, our in-depth observations and far-reaching conclusions often don’t work. It is assumed that there is some sort of male language that needs to be explored in order to understand everything about your man. But our attempts remind me of the story of the pet: when a sick cat leaves its masters and hides under the bed, we prefer to think that it does not want to upset us and hurt us with its suffering. In fact, in wildlife it is customary to kill the old and weak, so the cat hides so that you do not devour it. It’s the same story with men. All of our forecasts and assumptions may have nothing to do with reality. The truth could be anything: he’s not calling because… he fell in love, died, lost his phone, stuck his tongue on the swing, very busy, shy. It’s impossible to guess.

One day, my friend, who wrote daily, disappeared from the radar. On the third day, I looked at our last correspondence – I didn’t seem to say anything superfluous. I figured out his work schedule, the schedule for dates with a girl (yes, such a close acquaintance), I found some kind of explanation. On the fifth day, he said he had had an unpleasant story and was in the hospital. That is, it was not necessary to analyze, but to call him, his parents or a girlfriend.

To facilitate communication with a man, there is a simple way. Imagine that this is not a mysterious bright object full of mysteries with which you have a complicated relationship based on omissions, but your colleague Elena Sergeevna. And build the dialogue accordingly. You are not afraid to ask her if she will go to dinner with you, do not hesitate to recall the promised report or meeting, ask to clarify the incomprehensible.

A typical situation: on Monday, we have agreed to go to the cinema on Saturday. From Monday, the woman begins to wait for him to write to her and make an appointment. As of Thursday, he is already completely mad and is about to refuse. But on Saturday, just in case he doesn’t plan anything, in the evening he gets dressed and looks at his watch. At nightfall, he becomes furious, then cries and writes mysterious and bitter posts on social networks. And if Elena Sergeevna was in the place of the scoundrel, she would have asked him on Tuesday, Friday she was not too lazy to confirm the details, no drama.

Another honorable cause of suffering is a forgotten birthday or holiday. Remembering means disrespecting each other, so we’re going to suffer with anticipation, sulk all day, sob at the window, then fuss. And the dear EU would have sent a reminder, or even a link to the wishlist, not to receive the tenth decorative candle as a gift.

And, of course, it is impossible to ask a man about the plans, to clarify the meaning of what was said or to invite him to visit. Just like you cannot directly tell him your thoughts, desires and expectations. It turns out that your most important person is in a worse position than this uninteresting EU – it is much easier for him to communicate with you, he does not fall into hidden traps due to forgetfulness, always stays in touch , does not become a victim of manipulation. Because to want, to wait, to remember – and to be silent, then to be offended – is precisely manipulation.

If you think about a man a lot and overestimate his importance, he becomes a source of anxiety for you, unintentionally. Therefore, it is easier, more honest and safer not to guess – just ask, save a lot of time, energy and at the same time better understand this mysterious creature.