Why do we have ‘controversial’ sexual fantasies and what to do about them

Elena is a sex educator, author of the book More Than Sex, and a blogger with an audience of 113,000. During the show, we touched on many important issues, but sex is an inexhaustible topic. The theme of sexual fantasies has remained behind the scenes, and so many questions are attached to it! In the book, Elena analyzes the most discussed female fantasies and tells what is really behind them. We think this will interest you!

Work colleague, Benedict Cumberbatch or that fitness guy – sometimes in fantasies there is someone other than a permanent partner. Does this mean that we have embarked on the slippery slope of betrayal? Is it necessary to get rid of such fantasies?

Cheating is a boundary violation in a relationship. It is impossible to impose limits on what does not happen in reality – and therefore, it is impossible to break them. Trying to get rid of fantasy is always fraught with pitfalls.

“To view fantasy as betrayal is to put restrictions on someone else’s sexuality, maybe stigmatize it, and maybe make it more attractive, like anything forbidden,” says Elena Galetskaya.

About 62% of women have fantasized about sexual violence. But imagination is good because we always control what happens. This does not mean that we want to repeat the plot in reality.

Power and strength are attractive, so patterns of violence can appear in our fantasies. Here we can safely obtain those sensations which, in reality, would be associated with too much risk.

“Do you know why some women watch rape porn? says Elena in the book. “Because they have a TV remote control in their hands, which tells them: everything is fine, you can turn it off at any time.”

Sometimes women have the fantasy of a threesome. “Such a practice is not for everyone, not to mention the fact that emotionally and psychologically a threesome does not suit anyone. From a purely technical point of view, it is difficult to implement it in such a way that all participants are satisfied, and the woman is not hurt, ”says Elena Galetskaya, the difference between reality and fantasy.

What matters here is not so much the sex of the “additional” partner, but what you expect. More tenderness? Attention? Forces? Or just extra stimulation? If you’re missing something in sex, you won’t get what you want by adding a third person. A reasonable alternative is to talk to your partner and discuss how to add the necessary ingredients for real sex in a relationship.

Do you want to know more? Then read Elena’s book “More Than Sex”! In it, for example, she explains how fantasies are excellent fuel for the libido. Just make sure they don’t become intrusive, pop into your head against your will, and interfere with enjoying the current moment – and you’ll be fine.