Gave birth and lost the desire: a story about how to return to sex after the birth of a child

“I had no idea what having a baby would do to me. I thought everything would be easy and natural. But no one can predict how things will turn out.

My first birth was not so scary, but it lasted a long time. Soon after, we moved to another city to live closer to his family. I got away from all my friends and I felt lonely, I was sad, but I thought everything was fine.

When the son was one and a half months old, the husband began to talk about sex. I wasn’t mentally ready yet, but he wanted it so badly that I gave in. I was very nervous, worried, so the first time was painful.

He was very upset that he hurt me. We tried several times, then I went to the doctor who said everything was fine. He said the pain could be caused by new stitches, but would pass soon.

As time passed, the pain wouldn’t go away, I looked for more and more ways to avoid sex: I went to bed early, left the house, did the housework or the child. It was terrible! I loved my husband, I wanted to be a good wife, but the constant pain and his confidence kept me from feeling normal. I was upset that the marriage was going to hell, I was worried about my son growing up with divorced parents, I was afraid my husband would leave me. I was completely crushed and in a constant struggle with myself.

My husband tried to be patient, but at one point we almost stopped talking. I felt guilty for this and for constantly ruining his mood. She became very touchy and locked herself in her shell.

I was getting worse and worse, the panic attacks started. When my son was three, I went to the doctor and burst into tears at the office. I said that I did not know who I was, that I could not cope as a wife and as a mother … I was prescribed antidepressants, referred to a psychotherapist (separately and with my husband) – and we realized that this was severe postpartum depression with physical consequences associated with the rejection of sex.

Part of the therapy was spent letting me know that my husband not only wanted to have sex with me, he missed our familiar intimacy. And we decided to go on dates – no sex, just time together. Talk, laugh, feel yourself, and don’t pressure yourself.

A year later, I realized that in many ways I already felt like before. My husband and I often discussed the situation, the dose of antidepressants was reduced, we were preparing to have a second child. Sex life flourishes!

The brain and physical health are closely linked, unpleasant circumstances can affect the state of the body in such a way that it can be difficult to get to the bottom of the real cause. After the second birth, we were both afraid of the first sexual intercourse. But everything went well! And the sex was better than before, even before the first child, when we had more time and energy. He has become one of the important components of our relationship again, and that’s great!