How to survive a breakup with a loved one? 7 tips for healing trauma

Agree with your friends that for several weeks you will tell them how bad you feel, how angry and indignant you are. Ask them not to give advice, just to listen and empathize. Noah from the bottom of your heart, don’t tell bad stories about your ex. Suddenly, ten years from now, you accidentally bump into him in a supermarket, past feelings will resurface with renewed vigor – and it will be uncomfortable in front of him and his friends. If you really want to vent your anger, write down how you feel (surprising fact, but scientifically proven: it’s better to write by hand than on a computer).

A very important step, after which it will be much easier. The worst thing you can do during this time is to numb the pain of loss with alcohol or a new relationship. All of this gives quick temporary relief and only delays the transition to the reboot stage. “Those who rush to skip all the stages of debriefing and mourn the loss get stuck in rage and grief,” warns psychologist Peter Dmitrievsky. “If you honestly cry tears, pain and bitterness will gradually turn into mild sadness.”

Helen Fisher, in Why We Love, explains that when the brain returns dopamine flow to normal, it goes into defensive mode, which weakens the immune system. “To avoid catching cold, include in your menu a maximum of fresh vegetables and fruits, especially those containing vitamin C”, advises Alla Stepanova, therapist. If you suffer from insomnia, instead of nervously checking your page on the social network, start an evening ritual: calm relaxing music, tea with a decoction of chamomile or lemon balm and a bath with lavender oil.

“Emotional trauma stops the flow of love within us, destroying women’s health and beauty,” says yoga trainer Elena Shitova. “The fear of loss shrinks our body, it becomes rigid, the mind begins to control, the heart stops trusting, life is filled with discouragement.” “Deep breathing signals to the brain that there is no danger,” explains hypnotherapist Jake Tobey. “To calm down, while inhaling, count to eight, hold your breath for four counts and exhale slowly, then listen to your body.”

Researchers at Ohio University have found that a breakup, like any other stress, stimulates the body to overproduce adrenaline. We inherited this reaction from our ancestors in case we needed to escape a predator. But you don’t run anywhere, you just sit at home and suffer quietly. Energy does not find a way out, hence headaches, insomnia, anxiety. Victoria Yakusheva, master of karate sports, advises getting into martial arts: “The technique of punching is one of the most harmless ways to release aggression and resentment, get rid of unnecessary thoughts. “

Stress hormones also affect your appetite: either you don’t feel like eating at all, or on the contrary you seize the grief with shock doses of fast carbohydrates. Neither will provide health benefits. The best strategy is to eat with friends. We adopt the behavior of people close to us, so it makes sense to have lunch and dinner with those who prefer healthy eating and won’t tempt you into fast food and cakes.

Little by little, step by step, meaning comes back to life. After surviving the first pain of separation, you suddenly begin to see the situation as a blessing. No more sacrificing one’s desires and adapting to the interests of others. Breaking up is a great opportunity to reunite, to change habits, to reunite with old friends, to discover strengths and resources in yourself that you didn’t even suspect existed before. Breathe deeply and live just for yourself!