Loose Women star Charlene White has reflected on losing her father to suicide in an emotional social media post marking one year since his death.
The 46-year-old ITV News presenter originally announced his death in October 2025, revealing that he had tragically died by suicide after living with a dark cloud he could not lift.
Writing in a raw and heartfelt post on Instagram, Charlene opened up about her personal grieving journey over the past 12 months, admitting that she felt she had failed her father by not knowing what he was going through. She captioned her post: "My world now, a year on. In many ways I feel like I failed him, by not knowing what he was going through. I can wish for things to be different a million times, but wishing can't turn back time."
She explained to her followers that she had not posted much over the past year and described the last 12 months as quite frankly the worst of her life, while adding that the period had also taught her the power of love in darkness.
Charlene White is a prominent British journalist and television presenter best known as a regular anchor on ITV's daytime talk show Loose Women and a newsreader for ITV News. Having joined ITN in 2008, she made broadcasting history in 2014 as the first Black woman to present ITV News at Ten. In addition to her news reporting, she has appeared on major reality series, including I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here! in 2022, and is a well-known public figure across UK television.
Tragic news after a night out
In her post, Charlene recalled the exact moment she received the devastating phone call about her father's death. She revealed that she was out partying for a friend's birthday just hours before the news reached her.
"On my way home, tipsy and laughing with the girls, I voice-noted a friend happy birthday, right before midnight," she wrote. "The phone was still in my hand when the call came. Char, dad's gone. I jumped out of the car onto the main road, unable to breathe, gasping for air, and fell onto the floor. What do you mean he's gone?"
Loose Women is a flagship ITV daytime panel show that has been broadcast in the UK since 1999. The program features a rotating panel of female journalists, presenters, and celebrities discussing current affairs, personal experiences, and sensitive social issues. Panelists on the show frequently discuss mental health, bereavement, and personal struggles in order to spark public conversation and reduce social stigmas surrounding difficult topics.
The ongoing weight of grief
Charlene described how grief has remained a constant presence in her daily life, writing that it sits almost ever-present in the pit of her stomach. She shared that seeing moments her father is missing in his grandchildren's lives can break her in a second unexpectedly.
"I can't tell you the assemblies, plays and sports matches I've sat in an shed a tear," she stated. "He should be here. Why would you leave this... us... them? Anger, grief, confusion and sadness constantly swirl around in my head."
She added: "Sometimes it's overpowering, other times I can throw my energy into pretending it's not there, but eventually the swirl taps me on the shoulder reminding me it's the houseguest that's not leaving, for now."
The news anchor admitted waking up one night crying with tears down her face and a damp pillow. She reflected on how cruel it feels that life has to continue when all you want to do is punch stuff and scream, writing that instead she goes to work and desperately tries to keep it together, sometimes pulling it off and sometimes not.
Workplace panic attack and seeking help
Charlene disclosed that the worst moment of the past year occurred when she suffered a severe panic attack outside her workplace. A colleague managed to stop her from falling to the pavement and held her up while she struggled to breathe, before her boss ran out to hold her and help regulate her breathing.
She remembered repeating "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry" over and over again during the incident. "For a woman who likes to be in control, having no control over my body's reaction to grief in unexpected moments has been hard to accept," she wrote.
Sudden bereavement and traumatic loss often manifest in physical symptoms such as panic attacks, acute anxiety, and sudden respiratory distress. Mental health experts emphasize that grief is not purely an emotional process but one that places heavy physiological stress on the body, particularly when individuals attempt to maintain demanding professional routines while coping with severe loss.
Charlene praised her counselling team at the charity Suicide and Co for holding her hand since her father's death. She explained that she chose to speak openly and honestly because she is good at planting a smile on her face, which can hide 365 days of feeling like her heart is so heavy she cannot get out of bed.
Encouraging others to reach out
Expressing solidarity with others living with grief, Charlene urged anyone reading her post who needs help to talk rather than act, and to reach out for support rather than making a decision that cannot be reversed. She highlighted organizations such as Suicide and Co and Samaritans, reminding readers that darkness will make a person believe they are alone, but urging them not to listen to it.
Suicide and Co is a UK charity specifically established to support individuals bereaved by suicide, providing free professional counselling, peer support, and digital resources to help people navigate the complex trauma of suicide loss. Samaritans is a long-established mental health charity operating across the UK and Ireland, providing confidential 24-hour emotional support for anyone in distress, struggling to cope, or experiencing suicidal thoughts.
Charlene has a 10-year-old son, Alfie, and an eight-year-old daughter, Florence, with her partner Andy, a television executive.
Anyone affected by this story can seek free, confidential support from the Samaritans by calling 116 123 or emailing [email protected].
