“Taking care of everything” is impossible, but there are ways to relieve loneliness and take care of yourself
Zo, Juliana and Vanessa. Three women aged between 30 and 40, from different social classes and regions. They don’t know each other, but they live – each in their own corner – motherhood alone.
When asked “how to handle it,” they all answer the same thing: “He can’t handle it.” And understanding that you can’t handle it (and that it’s okay) is the basis for trying to create spaces for relaxation within a truly unique context.
There is no time for romance
He believes that trying to avoid the blame for his father’s daily absence is an important strategy, given that “some argument will always be missing”. “Like me, many mothers don’t have time to dedicate themselves to a new love relationship, which requires dedication, time and energy. Since there are no moments in which the child is with the father, the mother dedicates herself exclusively to work and to the child. Deepening a relationship means less time with the baby, which is very painful.”
The importance of the support network
Zô says she has sought support from single mothers’ groups on social networks and that it has made a very positive difference for her. Befriending nearby children was also a good strategy: one helped the other and meetings could also happen more easily. “The children played in the house and we drank wine and talked”.
Today, with her eldest son, she tries to enjoy samba and daytime events with her baby nearby. “I take him with me and he likes it. I’ve also taken him to work many times and he thought it was great.
But Zô points out that without a support network it would be impossible to live. His family consists of his mother, his sister-in-law and his sister. “Three women who have been fundamental to me in being able to reconcile motherhood to a minimum with my professional life. Also, I’m doing a master whose theme is solo motherhood. The bills have to be paid, and she, talking to the child, understands this ”.
How to relieve loneliness
Juliana and Vanessa use the same term: support network. Juliana, 30, are her parents, grandparents of her three children, aged 12, 8 and 6. She decided to go freelance to focus on the kids – while they’re at school, she goes out selling products. When they return, she pledges to be home. When the holidays come, the kids go to work with her.
“We leave many things aside to adapt them to our children’s lives and routines. A single mother fits into her children’s lives, it’s not the children who fit into her routine. Everything changes,” she says.
Encourage independent children
“One piece of advice is to raise independent children, to facilitate the support network. If the mother doesn’t encourage this independence, the children will have a hard time staying away when necessary. And this separation is sometimes necessary for this mother to exercise the feminine side of her a little bit. Go out for a walk and a date,” she says.
Little pleasures
Zô tries, at least periodically, to watch a series and have a glass of wine to relax. Juliana goes for a walk down the street and watches the movies she likes. She also likes to read books and she takes advantage of when the children are with their grandparents to put all this into practice.
Vanessa Menegatti, 33, says the secret is not trying too hard and understanding that it is necessary to “do what you can”. She creates a routine to anticipate the next day’s activities as much as possible, like leaving her child’s backpack ready the day before and cooking for the week.
“For a single mother, free time is often limited. Therefore, having a support network is very important. To relax, I listen to music while taking a shower, which is a very relaxing moment for me. When my son is with his grandparents, I try to visit places I enjoy – go to concerts or rock clubs – as well as exercise at home too. They help create the disposition for daily activities.”
Source: Terra
Ben Stock is a lifestyle journalist and author at Gossipify. He writes about topics such as health, wellness, travel, food and home decor. He provides practical advice and inspiration to improve well-being, keeps readers up to date with latest lifestyle news and trends, known for his engaging writing style, in-depth analysis and unique perspectives.
