People with ‘bad speaking etiquette’ always use these 7 ‘rude’ phrases, says public speaking expert
We all need to communicate with people on a daily basis, so it’s inevitable that we will occasionally be annoyed, if not offended, by what we hear. But consider the possibility that you may sometimes be guilty of pushing people away.
John BoweAward-winning American journalist, author of the book “I Have Something to Say: Mastering the Art of Public Speaking in an Age of Disconnection,” warns that you may be arrogant without even realizing it.
“As a public speaking teacher, I always urge people to think carefully about their listeners before speaking. It’s impossible to evaluate every word in advance, but it’s helpful to be aware of phrases or attitudes that prevent us from communicating effectively. But there are seven rude phrases that people with bad speaking etiquette always use,” he says.
1. “Do you want…?”
This phrase is great when you offer someone a choice (“Will you have lunch with me?”). But as a way of giving orders (“Do you want to take out the trash?”), his false indirect courtesy seems to diminish.
What to say instead: Send your request directly. It’s polite to approach a request by asking, “Would you do me a favor?” After all, people generally like to collaborate. But they don’t like feeling manipulated.
2. “The question is…”
“This phrase insists that what follows will be the final, authoritative view of the matter at hand. Even if used inadvertently, it can seem a bit self-important. Truly authoritative people don’t tend to waste time with prefatory statements,” Bowe says.
What to say instead: If you are offering an opinion, consider starting your remarks with “I think…”. These two words eliminate any suggestion that you are making a pompous statement.
3. “Right?”
In recent years, this insistent rhetorical push has become normalized in following questions, especially in interviews with athletes and politicians. (“This is the most important part of the season, right?” or “We’ve never seen something like this, have we?”).
At best, it’s useless filler. But it can also feel like a manipulative insistence on agreeing.
What to say instead: If you want someone’s opinion, ask neutrally rather than demanding confirmation: “I can’t think of a more critical moment for the team. Do you agree?”
4. “Give it your way” (or “Turn it back”)
This sentence concludes the conversation. It’s cruel! While it’s important to delegate, leadership requires that if an employee needs help or tries to communicate a block, your job is to help them overcome it, not insult them.
What to say instead: Warmer language and an open approach always encourage better exploration of solutions. A simple change might be to say, “Well, let’s talk about this and find a way.”
5. “That’s the way things are”
“In my experience, this phrase is often used as shorthand for ‘stop complaining’. If someone asks for sympathy or assistance, you may or may not want (or have the time) to help them, but at least be polite when you end the conversation.” , says Bowe.
What to say instead: Try offering a little curiosity and empathy. You don’t need to be fake or overly demonstrative. But saying something simple like “It’s hard. I’m sorry you’re going through this” can make a difference, allowing the other person to feel heard.
6. “Obviously…”
“This word, more or less subtly, indicates that anyone who disagrees with the speaker is wrong. Even if you don’t realize it, using it can make you seem arrogant,” says the expert.
What to say instead: Skip it completely and remember that silence can be a beautiful thing. The most effective speakers know that demonstrating their superiority or correctness is a waste of time and does not win friends.
7. “If you want my honest opinion…”
Or “I was just kidding.” First, did anyone ask your opinion? If so, they probably don’t expect or need a rude response disguised as honesty.
What to say instead: People want help, support and solutions. Saying “maybe” instead of offering your “honest opinion” is a perfectly acceptable introduction. Apologizing if a rude comment wasn’t well received is much more productive than a feigned diplomatic justification for malice.
Source: CNBC Make It
Source: Terra
Ben Stock is a lifestyle journalist and author at Gossipify. He writes about topics such as health, wellness, travel, food and home decor. He provides practical advice and inspiration to improve well-being, keeps readers up to date with latest lifestyle news and trends, known for his engaging writing style, in-depth analysis and unique perspectives.
