Looking for something so particular in others creates expectations and generates frustrations.
What do you expect from a love relationship? What are you looking for and what expectations do you create? What is this research based on? What do you expect to receive? Often, Let’s make happiness depend on loving relationships.
But do you realize how unrealistic it is to look for something so yours in someone else? Your happiness is yours and, therefore, it is in you. Only you can find it there and make the most of it.
Next, we will understand the root of the problem, why your happiness depends on love relationships, and most importantly, how to change this situation.
Maturity is knowing how to satisfy your own needs
Since we are children, we are taught, especially as women, to look for a perfect prince charming or princess who will bring the life we dream of and “happily ever after” in the end.
Ours too parents project it onto us. Sometimes we spend years searching for this scenario where we assume happiness lies, hoping that once we find the partner of our dreams, happiness won’t abandon us.
There is a tendency to look to others for what we feel we need. A childish hope that the other will provide us.
As children, we need comprehensive care for our survival. We need an adult to guess what we need and meet our needs without clear communication to do so.
OR The path to maturity follows the direction of learning to satisfy our needs and, when necessary, clearly communicate what we need to receive.
But how many times do we remain in the infantile place of wait to receive without communicating, waiting for all needs to be fully satisfied?
Even as children our needs cannot be fully satisfied. We experience countless frustrations and feel that our parents’ love has been denied to us on many occasions. That’s part of the problem, because they’re not perfect.
Because of this, We go through life looking for someone who can make up for the lack and frustration we felt during childhood. Someone who realizes what was not possible to receive, in the unconscious hope that this time it will be different.
This search for repair will inevitably cause more frustration and suffering, since no one will be able to do it meet these expectations (understand better here).
However, despite the frustration, we continue to think that happiness depends on loving relationships, on seeking other partners to satisfy our emotional needs.
Why does your happiness depend on loving relationships?
We look for many shock absorbers to anesthetize the internal lack: food, excess work, television, internet and even emotional-sexual relationshipsamong others.
Often the partner becomes a stick, a support to give vent to what we are unable to feel for ourselves.
Until one day you find yourself having to face your own difficulties, emptiness and pain, and the relationship no longer takes the place of enchanted happiness. Challenges appear, everyone’s difficulties emerge and life invites you to look at yourself.
Initially, you may even get a taste of the illusion of being filled by someone else. However, at some point, life proves that this is not the case, because the other person does not have that power.
We have so much difficulty dealing with this fact that we see everything life offers as a problem in order to look inside ourselves.
This is where the endless blaming game comes in, where you blame the other person for your suffering. Fingers are pointed, because it is much more convenient to blame something that is outside rather than inside.
He/she is not even responsible for your happiness, how could he/she be responsible for your suffering?
How many times have we ended a relationship for this reason, claiming that “the enchantment is over”? We are faced with our emptiness and we don’t know what to do with it.
The partner no longer seems to be the solution to fill this internal space, and so, often, instead of looking inside ourselves and searching within ourselves, we go looking for another person or something with which to replace that “broken stick”.
We often continue like this, looking outside for what can only be found inside. Holding others responsible for your success or failure is much easier and more comfortable than looking inside yourself and asking yourself: what in me is causing my suffering?
A loving relationship is a mirror of ourselves and becomes a tremendous opportunity for learning and self-knowledge when we are willing to take responsibility for our lives. Take care of yourself and take care of yourself. Take control of your happiness.
The mail Does your happiness depend on love relationships? appeared first Personalize.
Luisa Restelli (luisarestelli.psi@gmail.com)
– Psychologist, Body Psychotherapist and Systemic Family Constellator. He provides individual and couples counseling in RJ and online and teaches therapeutic groups and conferences.
Source: Terra
Ben Stock is a lifestyle journalist and author at Gossipify. He writes about topics such as health, wellness, travel, food and home decor. He provides practical advice and inspiration to improve well-being, keeps readers up to date with latest lifestyle news and trends, known for his engaging writing style, in-depth analysis and unique perspectives.
