Researchers show that people forget a very important detail
When introducing themselves on a dating app, most people describe all the qualities and interests that make them seem special, such as values, beliefs, hobbies, favorite movies and music. But a study shows that almost everyone leaves out the most important thing of all.
According to the work, what people want most in a relationship is to feel known and supported. And, according to the author of the work, researcher Juliana Schroeder, from the University of California, in the United States, this applies not only to romantic relationships, but also to bonds with friends, neighbors, family and work colleagues.
“Of course, people say they want to know and support their partner,” Schroeder says. “But that’s not really what makes them happier in their relationships. People feel happier when they feel supported – and to do that they need to be known.”
Relationship satisfaction
The research project began ten years ago, when Schroeder and colleague Ayelet Fishbach of the University of Chicago found that patients want their doctors to be emotionless so they can better serve them and feel their pain. Having reached this conclusion, the two decided to investigate whether it was a more widespread phenomenon.
In a first series of experiments, published in Journal of Experimental Social Psychologythe researchers asked participants to rate how much they believed they knew a family member, partner, or friend, compared to how well those people knew them.
“People think they are unique, special and have a lot of complexity, so [elas acham] that other people just don’t know the real you,” explains Schroeder. On the other hand, when people know one thing or another about someone, they quickly conclude that they know the other person well.
Research shows that when evaluating a relationship, what matters most is how well the other person knows us, not how well we know the other person. In other words, it’s so rare to feel like someone really knows us, that people really value that in their emotional relationships.
In another study, participants had to imagine two scenarios in which they met an acquaintance at a party. In the first scenario, the participant forgot the other person’s name. In the second, the person forgot the participant’s name. Of course, the second situation was much worse: the participants felt as if that relationship was over!
What’s Missing in Online Dating Profiles
Applying these concepts to dating app profiles, Schroeder and Fishbach recruited a team of research assistants to examine profiles from Match.com and Coffee Meets Bagel, two North American online dating sites.
Based on statements in profiles, they realized that more than 50% of users wanted to meet a potential partner, while only about 20% expressed a desire to meet their potential partner.
They then asked dozens of participants to write their own profiles, highlighting whether they wanted to introduce themselves or get to know the other person. They then asked more than 250 other people to rate these profiles on a scale of 1 to 7, depending on how attractive they found them and how much they would like to connect with those people.
Result? You can already imagine…. The evaluators preferred those who underlined the desire to get to know the other.
What everyone wants, after all
These results could be useful for someone who wants to increase their chances of attracting attention on a dating site or app. According to research, what everyone, deep down, wants to read is something like: “I really care about you, I want to get to know you, listen to you and support you.”
In all the studies, there was only one type of relationship in which people didn’t care to be known: the father-son relationship. “What predicts relationship satisfaction is not how well they think their child knows them, but how well they know their child,” Schroeder reports.
In the future, the duo intends to better study how people can change their focus to feel truly known. In the professional context, for example, this could not only improve relationships with colleagues, but overall job satisfaction.
Source: Terra
Ben Stock is a lifestyle journalist and author at Gossipify. He writes about topics such as health, wellness, travel, food and home decor. He provides practical advice and inspiration to improve well-being, keeps readers up to date with latest lifestyle news and trends, known for his engaging writing style, in-depth analysis and unique perspectives.
