We dissect and analyze three categories of men who are no more useful on Valentine’s Day than an inflatable banana.
Men approach Valentine’s Day differently. Individuals most adapted for survival and reproduction have long accepted this bright celebration of the unity of love and marketing. Every year, on February 14, they obediently queue up with the same flowers, suitable for prices multiplied by three, to bring them to the feet of the One and Only. With candy. And with a new bag. And not just any bag, but a bag, the link to which was sent to the suitable one a month before the vacation.
But there are still representatives of the male gender who continue to resist the holiday with all their might. They view the fight against Valentine’s Day as their personal crusade. They are even ready to suffer on this campaign: losing their favorite place at the family table and, let’s not be afraid of these words, marital intimacy.
We’ve divided Valentine’s Day opponents into three categories, based on the reasons they reject the holiday. We’re happy to share this list with you – and we hope your personal Valentine doesn’t fall into either of these types.
Traditionalist
“Why celebrate Valentine’s Day when there is a wonderful Russian holiday – the Feast of Peter and Fevronia?” – the traditionalist asks every year when you let him know that the day of collection of the love tax is approaching. A possible answer to this question is:
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“Because, my dear, the day of Peter and Fevronia will only take place in six months. And I want a new bag now. NOW, I said, honey.
Because if you show weakness and refuse Valentine in favor of Peter and Fevronia, you will end up, with an unfortunately high probability, not receiving flowers, sweets or even a kokoshnik.
Because the traditionalist, having postponed the celebration on February 14, manages to warm up in the sun on June 25 – the day, in fact, of Peter and Fevronia – and completely forget about his promises.
Ironic
A man who considers himself witty is every woman’s purgatory, but what can you do if you don’t order estrogen. On Valentine’s Day, such a man shows himself in all his glory. After all, he does not congratulate you randomly, but ironically. That is, it gives: the ugliest rose, sprinkled with acidic glitter; the largest plush toy in the warehouse of the plushchudo.rf store; sweets used to give bribes in the USSR in 1987.
Moreover, he presents all this with a broad satisfied smile, even a wink: look, how witty I am, congratulations ironically – not like everyone else. You, equally witty, are expected to start laughing loudly or at least blinking in response. And maybe if you’re 20, that’s exactly what you’ll do. But the older a woman gets, the less she wants to pretend that irony is a miracle and a pleasure. But you want more and more beautiful flowers, delicious treats and cool gifts.
And even if someone calls this approach simple, even mercantile, we would watch that person try to find a place in the house for a huge stuffed pink bison.
