A study of 900 couples analyzed how beliefs interfere with relationship success
Most people want to find their “orange half”, or at least have a successful partnership in life. But is this success determined by fate or is it the result of a lot of effort and investment in the relationship?
To try to reach this conclusion, researchers from the University of Basel, Switzerland, investigated the role of people’s internal beliefs regarding life as a couple is linked to the satisfaction expected and achieved in relationships.
The butterflies in the stomach soon end
The famous “butterflies” in the stomach, a smile on the face and a feeling of immense happiness are indisputable symptoms of falling in love. But everyone knows that this phase of the relationship unfortunately does not last forever.
Some research shows that this “honeymoon” lasts about a year and the trend is that relationship satisfaction also decreases over time.
With this data in hand, researchers from the University’s Faculty of Psychology studied how much a person’s attitude towards the couple is linked to expected and actual satisfaction in the relationship.
They interviewed more than 900 couples in German-speaking countries who had been together for about five years on average and published their findings in European Journal of Personality. Two years passed between the first and last interview.
Destined to be together?
Overall, according to the authors, relationship satisfaction decreased for the majority of couples over the course of the study, regardless of their underlying attitude.
But according to research, two attitudes can be distinguished: there are people who believe that a relationship is destined to come true or not (destiny beliefs), while others believe that relationships develop and can grow over time if they work on them (growth beliefs).
Invest or exit?
Study indicates that while “destiny believers” start out with a higher level of satisfaction, the level of satisfaction declines more slowly in people with growth beliefs. According to the authors, these people appear to be more resistant to the typical gradual decline in dissatisfaction.
The advantage of believing in destiny is that people perceive the relationship as less subject to external influences because, after all, the couple is destined to be together.
In the event of a relationship crisis, however, the question is: do I invest in the relationship so that it can improve again? Or do I break up with my partner because he’s clearly not the right person for me? The study data, however, did not allow us to conclude whether some couples are more likely to separate than others.
Mentality can be changed
“The belief in destiny is quite widespread,” says Maximiliane Uhlich, co-author of the study, who suspects that the film industry harbors this idea. After all, many films end with two people meeting and becoming happy, against all odds. In fairy tales, the prince and princess also “lived happily ever after.”
Interestingly, the researchers found no differences in beliefs between the sexes. Both partners tended to be like-minded.
Effort is the key to success
“In the long run, though, a relationship is worth working on,” says Uhlich, who has also worked with many couples in therapy. Decreased relationship satisfaction can be alleviated by new shared experiences.
Many people are unaware that a relationship is hard work, and not everyone is willing to work on the relationship.”
Uhlich draws a comparison to the concept of talent: “The idea that success is primarily driven by talent is outdated. Instead, we assume that intensive practice is the key to success. If you dedicate hours to learning a skill, you will end up mastering it better than someone who believes he is talented and perhaps rests on his laurels.”
This growth mindset, ultimately, is something that can be learned and can have practical applications not only in your career, but also in your love life.
Source: Terra
Ben Stock is a lifestyle journalist and author at Gossipify. He writes about topics such as health, wellness, travel, food and home decor. He provides practical advice and inspiration to improve well-being, keeps readers up to date with latest lifestyle news and trends, known for his engaging writing style, in-depth analysis and unique perspectives.
