How Fast You Should Respond to Social Media and Instant Messenger Messages and 8 Other Rules of Modern Etiquette

There are many different contexts: for example, you can wear a white dress to a friend’s birthday, but not to her wedding. But today we will not discuss the rules that apply in certain situations, but universal rules – those are the ones that should be used daily.

Snapped a great photo at a family dinner and can’t wait to post it on social media? Take your time! “Don’t post photos of other people without their permission. You may think everything went well, but your friends and family may not share your perspective or simply don’t want to share the details of their lives,” says etiquette expert Lisa Grotts.

“Some people forget that they are communicating with other people when they pick up a smartphone. But the reality is that social networks are not an imitation of life, but a part of it. Act accordingly: when you want to write something, ask yourself if you could say it in person, in front of another person? Believe me, this can protect you from many awkward misunderstandings – it is not so rare that we later meet offline those with whom we corresponded in the comments,” says etiquette expert Diana Gottsman.

Have you ever seen memes about people who would rather text a hundred times than call once? Text messages are actually really handy—you can check them whenever you have a chance and then think about how to respond. “Etiquette doesn’t require you to respond to a text message right away, but politeness means doing it within 24 hours, or eight if it’s from someone close to you,” says etiquette coach Marianne Parker.

Talking on speakerphone is convenient and using it seems like a good idea, but only until you find out that half an hour of your complaints about your boss did not stay between you and your friend – her husband heard it all. So, if a call comes to you, for example while driving, start the conversation with the words: “Hello! I am glad to hear from you, but I want to warn you that I am in the car, so you are talking on speakerphone with me and my friends.

Yes, earbuds are usually very small and easy to lose – no wonder people prefer to keep them in their ears all the time. “You shouldn’t do that: they prevent you from hearing what the other person is saying, even when it’s off. And, more importantly, you’re leaving the other person guessing whether it’s active or not. The polite thing to do is to remove both earbuds for the duration of the conversation, or just one if the conversation is short,” Grotts says.

Of course, there are cases when this is not necessary: ​​for example, if you unwrapped a gift right in front of a friend and admired it. But if the gift arrived by mail or was unwrapped after the guests had already left, the message would be appropriate: “This is the cookbook I’ve been dreaming of – I can’t wait to try the recipes from it. Thank you so much for your concern!”

“Honey,” “sweetheart,” “sunshine,” “beauty”—leave all those addresses to close friends and family members. “Calling a waitress or customer is a glaring faux pas. You may think you’re being polite, but in reality it comes across as condescending to someone you barely know,” says etiquette expert and author of Do It Right! Valerie Sokoloski.

We all know what to say to the hostess: “What a disgusting thing that fish jelly you have!” – bad taste. But many people wrap this message in a shell of constructive criticism: “Next time, try adding lemon slices, it will be much tastier!” – and they think everything is fine. “If you want to appear polite, keep your suggestions to yourself: trying to “give advice” is often considered just plain rude,” says event organizer Keith Willard.

Many of us have been taught since childhood that when we come to visit, we must help the owners. It is really embarrassing to watch someone else do a lot of work while you relax and have fun. But remember: your job is to offer help. If a task is actually entrusted to you, do it. If in response you hear: “Thanks for the offer, but please, just enjoy the evening!” – then do it. Most likely, it is easier for a person to do something himself than to explain to strangers how to act and then control the process.

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