Why are we so afraid of loneliness? Know how to deal with it

More than half of Brazilians feel lonely, according to an Ipsos poll

The word solitude is full of stereotypes. Feeling alone is uncomfortable, not only because we are human beings on the other hand, but also from a social point of view. If you’ve been single for a long time, for example, friends and family will start questioning you. The judgment of others is impetuous.

“Destructive loneliness, which promotes unhappiness, sometimes in its maximum intensity, reaching a depressive state, appears for lack of learning from the many moments that have happened in the course of each one’s life. Wonderful thing that has happened in one’s life, including relationships , even the worst, because the feeling of what you don’t have, of what has gone away “, analyzes the psychiatrist Luiz Cuschnirone of the most renowned psychotherapists in the country.

Feeling lonely, according to the specialist, can be accompanied by fault, anger, shame, failure, incompetence. “They are ‘toppings’ when they are added to others and dangerously constitute the victim’s place and the lack of options to continue looking for the best gift that is to be alive,” she muses.

According to the survey Perceptions of the impact of Covid-19, made by Ipsos in 2021 with people from 28 countries, 50% of Brazilians say they feel lonely. Of all the nations, this is the highest index. In the Netherlands (15%), Japan (16%) and Poland (23%), people are the least lonely.

But anyone who thinks that loneliness belongs to someone who has no one to live with is wrong. It is possible, even surrounded by other people, Feel lonely. And this happens especially when there is no quality interaction, either because they are not heard or accepted in their opinions, dilemmas and the like.

Many couples complain about their partner’s lack of interest or time. Their moments of coexistence are limited to watching a movie in streaming or having dinner at a restaurant and, in any case, everyone checks their mobile phone.

THE solitude, no doubt, it will still be a subject of study by mental health professionals for years to come. This is because, following the covid-19 pandemic and the imposition of social isolation, many are struggling to establish new relationships. And the old ones often wore out at that time.

At the same time, the often widespread interests make people increasingly distant from each other. Mobile devices also contribute to this, and technology has expanded the connection possibilities that were previously unthinkable.

Occasionally, the word solitude gain strength. In Latin it means ‘the glory of being alone’. Does being alone also make room for something positive? It is also important to enjoy your company, enjoy a moment with yourself. Thus, through the knowledge of ourselves, we can understand ourselves to make room for another person in our life.

To further analyze loneliness, the relationship of Estadio spoke with the psychotherapist Luiz Cuschnir, who has published 17 books on the subject of men / women. Watch:

What is loneliness? From what moment does the individual feel alone?

The destructive loneliness, which favors unhappiness, sometimes in its maximum intensity, even reaching a depressive condition, appears due to lack of learning from the many moments that have occurred in the course of each one’s life. There was no incorporation of all that was wonderful, including relationships, even the worst, because the feeling of what you don’t have, what went away, or what couldn’t have happened. Often comes the feeling of being alone, impoverished, without people with whom to share one’s life. Loneliness can be accompanied by guilt, anger, shame, failure, incompetence, which are “condiments” when added to others and dangerously constitute the victim’s place and the lack of options to continue looking for the best gift that is to be. alive.

What drives a person to loneliness?

Loneliness appears when we do not extend knowledge to our maximum potential and cling to what we have lost. It is when everything goes dark and you can see nothing but what is missing. We need to celebrate and value the life to be lived as something wonderful, not full of losses and regrets, but of fruits and achievements. Especially in these difficult times we are experiencing.

We need to celebrate life much more under an integrated premise, without selfishness, in which we recognize ourselves as part of a whole. Of a universe that vibrates from the most elementary levels, smaller than the particles that constitute us, the largest structures known and unknown to the human being in the confines of the cosmos.

The World Psychiatry Association has recommended that psychiatrists also embrace aspects of spirituality in clinical understanding and treatment. This coincides with my work as a psychotherapist and with the “Awakening of Being” methodology that I practice and which is based on spirituality and association with quantum physics. I believe that this “falling asleep” that occurs in various ways, in the way people lead their lives, prevents their full realization and may even provide this loneliness.

My work, even without being evident in the psychotherapy sessions, focuses on the being who lives asleep in each one until it can gently wake him up through love as a superior substance, the possibility of being more present and true in one’s life. Whoever develops this awareness of ‘being love’ will not be alone, but will always have himself.

Is there a difference between loneliness and loneliness? Could you explain to us, if so?

In Latin, loneliness is the “glory of being alone”. We come across and constitute a morphic field, which quantum physics shows as the energies that compose it, of what we have, of what is ours, of our power. It is an opportunity to reflect, as if we were silencing to connect with a state that will allow us to get closer to the meaning of our life. It is the best condensed energy field that protects us from the feeling of emptiness, lack of company, abandonment.

With loneliness we get more learning to expand the “loving someone”, the relational, and start “being love”, as well as just loving another person. This is a very difficult process for those who do not work deeply with themselves to scale the way they live, and it is what I would most like to expand my distribution of my development as a human and professional being. Recognizing oneself alone and, at the same time, as being capable not only of loving, but of being love itself, serves as an enlightenment to follow life with more truth and completeness.

In solitude, find fertile ground to install sadness, discouragement, despair with the emotional pain that devastates any possibility of seeing a way out that brings joy. There is a constant return cycle, in eternally living a biography that regrets those who have left, for the past, for what has not worked. The attack on self-esteem comes powerful. Interference with gifts and abilities is detrimental to your personal development. The risks of letting her take control of your entire life are great.

Are there positive and negative aspects for the lonely individual?

This has been my job as a psychotherapist since my training as a psychiatrist. Discerning the positive and negative of everything in life takes us out of the confusion of who we are, what we want to be, what we have an obligation to be, our beliefs about fulfillment, happiness or security. Only by going in depth to find out more and unmasking what is created to satisfy all of this will be the platform to evaluate it.

The mask hides what you are. It’s like painting a canvas: knowing how we handle the brushes, in the paints we choose, instantly reveals us. Realizing that the canvas has become free to expose so many elements, recognizing the layers of paint we use in painting, gives us the possibility to discover more and more about ourselves.

I would also like you to talk about a very common situation among couples, which is ‘feeling’ alone. Is accompanied feeling fundamentally a quality interaction between people?

Affective relationships must provide for the recognition of vital aspects so that the best of each one nourishes the paths necessary for exchanging healthy and lasting relationships. The level of self-awareness necessary to relate – with ourselves and with others – is reached only if we correct the way we see ourselves in solitude in front of the mirror.

Not destroying what we have already achieved, nor breaking the deepest and most legitimate entanglements is the most recommended in the beginning. Remembering the farthest corners of your memories and treasuring them can help you review how we got to this state of solitude as a couple.

Magic is how we stay alive in this relationship without destroying ourselves. On the contrary, there is a huge possibility that this relationship is much more than what we actually see. Therefore, it is necessary to know how to deal with our loneliness, creating mechanisms to make it constructive. Sometimes we imagine that the other will save us from something we don’t even know.

What initiatives could the reader take on loneliness? Could you give some advice?

First, it is opening the channel of pacification, self-affirmation and, above all, confirming the potential of infinite conditions for living a better life. We know that prayer, meditation, or the cultivation of uplifting values ​​positively changes the brain and the whole body.

Meditation with the intention of developing a positive and loving personal vibrational state, as well as what we do by connecting with people, groups, environments or the universe, creates this willingness to reciprocate what we receive.

All these paths lead to self-knowledge which, in turn, is the greatest protection against the self-destructiveness of loneliness. As suggestions, I offer some exercises that can help:

– During a meditation or relaxation for a few minutes, visualize: “The greatest love lives within you and you disperse your child’s visualization and see yourself melt love in him while you sleep.”

– Reflect: “We are part of a larger whole; we are particles, always linked to other particles. Enjoy some tranquility.”

– See yourself as a light with the potential to always illuminate other lights. Spend time with this, also as a relaxation exercise.

– Look for a path, if possible with a competent professional who will guide you in the deep knowledge of yourself that leads to the true awakening of consciousness.

– You understand well that the pending things of the past bother us until we trim or tie them, weaving a beautiful blanket that wraps us.

Source: Terra

Benjamin

Benjamin Smith is a fashion journalist and author at Gossipify, known for his coverage of the latest fashion trends and industry insights. He writes about clothing, shoes, accessories, and runway shows, providing in-depth analysis and unique perspectives. He’s respected for his ability to spot emerging designers and trends, and for providing practical fashion advice to readers.