‘I thought I killed my baby.

‘I thought I killed my baby.


Postpartum psychosis is a serious, rare and misunderstood illness that can affect women in the birth hours of their children.




IMPORTANT: This relationship contains details that could be disturbing for some readers.

Ellie says that at the beginning he felt totally exultant.

He had his home delivery, without analgesia, and was radiant to be a mother. And even with a few hours of sleep in the last three days, he has decided that he was not supposed to sleep.

“The best description I can do is that it seemed that I had woke up from a nightmare, not knowing what a dream was and what reality was,” he says. “But [esta sensação] It never disappeared. “

“Then I thought I killed my son in bed. I remember that my partner appeared and I just asked” is it so real? “”

Ellie suffered from postpartum psychosis (PPP), a debilitating disease that can temporarily transform a lifestyle on the reverse of the new parents.



The diagnosis of PPP represents a medical emergency that usually requires the hospital for specialized assistance

What is postpartum psychosis?

One of the first signs of PPP notice occurs when the mother simply does not seem to be herself or loses the notion of reality.

The lack of sleep is common among parents immediately after childbirth. But the woman with PPP can stop sleeping completely.

The United Kingdom National Health Service (NHS) indicates that PPP symptoms include:

  • Fast mood swings
  • Hallucinations
  • Irrational fault
  • Listen to voices
  • Agitation
  • Confusion

PPP is a medical emergency and, in most cases, requires hospitalization for specialized assistance and treatment.

But experts say that it is essential to remember that, however serious it seems an episode of psychosis, most women can recover within a few months, with adequate treatment.



The causes of postpartum psychosis are not yet fully known

What are the causes of postpartum psychosis?

Even after years of research, we are not yet sure what causes ppp.

Doctors suggest that abrupt changes in hormones, verified during childbirth, can be related to the disease. These changes can cause extreme confusion and paranoia.

But there are no reliable ways to predict who will be hit, like blood tests, for example.

At least half of the new mothers diagnosed by PPP had never suffered from psychosis before. Therefore, they suffer from totally unknown and frightening hallucinations.

For Ellie, the beginning of the PPP was fast.

“Now I wonder if he hasn’t started when I was active in labor at night for hours at home,” he says. “For some reason, I just decided to wake up my husband at six in the morning.”

The PPP affects between and two every 1,000 women after childbirth. It is much less common than postnatal depression, which reaches about one in 10 new mothers.

Experts believe that multiple women suffer from PPP than previously calculated.

The serious postnatal depression itself has spent years minimized as if it were “sadness of childbirth”. But doctors warn that this attitude towards mental health can make parents access a lot to adequate treatment.

The empirical research of the action of the British organization on Postpartum psychosis (app) indicates that it is still common for women to receive incorrect diagnoses, perhaps from doctors or obstetrics of the community, which can suggest the use of sleeping tablets.

Organizations such as App, Australian Cope (Center for Perinatal Excellence in English) and the anxiety of New Zealand and the perinatal depression Aotearoa (Pada) work to make the public aware of the public and health professionals on the ppp.

Ellie now works for an entity that supports mothers with ppp. For her, some factors led to the crisis, such as lack of sleep and immense pressure to be a perfect mother. But he already knows he was in a much higher risk group because he suffered from type 1 bipolar disorder.

About 25% of women with this disorder will have a sufficient episode of gravity for needing hospital care after their first child, according to a university survey of the United Kingdom, published in the Lancet magazine.

In the United Kingdom, Australia and New Zealand, the women of this group are now recommended to keep the drug. A few years ago, family doctors have indicated their suspension, which is still often recommended in other countries.

Women in this situation must consult a specialized perinatal psychiatrist, according to the app and several other organizations.

The search for Perinatal Psychiatry of Cardiff, Ian Jones, indicates that apparently there is no greater risk of postpartum psychosis among people with a story of childhood trauma.

He underlines that this strengthens his idea that there is a biological element involved in PPP and hormonal peaks seems to be one of the main factors that lead to this condition.



Catherine, princess of Wales, is a patron of the alliance for maternal mental health. He visited the mothers and children unit at the Bethlem Real Hospital in London

What can help?

There is the risk that without treatment, mothers with PPP can try to hurt themselves, according to different polls.

Clinical studies conducted in the United Kingdom, Australia and New Zealand have concluded that the best treatment of PPP is to keep mothers with their children in psychiatric units for mothers and children, in rigorous observation.

This technique has a high success rate, but getting a vacant place can be a lottery, since there are very few units and beds available.

There are also units specialized in France and Belgium.

“For me, it seemed more than” a key “had been turned off in my brain and was very obvious,” says Ellie.

He has memory defects, but remember to stand on the stairs of the house, listening to his husband who calls the local maternity department.

“I was very frightened,” he recalls. “I needed help and, as they felt I scream, the main midwife fought me to go to a mbu [unidade psiquiátrica de mãe e bebê, na sigla em inglês]. The most important thing is that it keeps you well, this is the main objective. “

The spokesman for the non -profit Australian organization center for perinatal excellence, Ariane Beeston, suffered ppp. He underlines that these beds are a fundamental need.

Beeston previously had worked on the protection of children. For her, PPP has absolutely emerged from nothing.

In your book Because they are not myself, see (“Because it is not myself, you understand,” describes hallucinations with the dragons next to her son and government drones that fly over her head.

After finally being admitted to a psychiatric unit for mothers and children, he received the necessary support to be able to sleep enough, to form bonds with his new son, participate in the preparation lessons for his parents and recover.

Beeston says that the experience has profoundly transformed it.

One of the most difficult moments for women to be able to leave the Mbus is to decide, with their assistance team, what is the right time to go home.

The decision to breastfeed or not is also important for women at higher risk. You must understand how it will work with continuous use drugs, according to the King’s College King’s College Clare Dolman researcher.

Access to this type of assistance can be extremely limited in other countries. There are profound socio -cultural differences all over the world in relation to women who are the first mothers.

Some cultures still impose 40 days of confinement after childbirth for new mothers. And in some parts of India, PPP is still explained as a religious destination – Devva Hidididebe owned by a ghost.

In other cultures, postpartum mental health disorders can be considered personal or failures as a mother.

In Hong Kong, the researchers found mothers under pressure to play a traditional maternal role. Any failure can be considered a shameful loss of prestige.



Perinatal researchers believe that peaks of childbirth related hormones can cause PPP in some women

What happens if you want another child?

One of two mothers who suffer from PPP, unfortunately, crosses the same experience in the following births, according to the research of the University of Manchester and Cardiff, in the United Kingdom.

For the mothers who have more children, the research describes that a detailed previous planning can guarantee that there is more support at their disposal, both to have friends and family ready to help, give priority to sleep and basically try to “put yourself in first place, to be a good mother”, according to Ellie.

Source: Terra

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