Geriara reflects on the dilemmas between autonomy, dependence and care of the elderly and gives advice to soften the family conflicts
There were few families that I accompanied in my office who were facing a great stress linked to the care of elderly – My patients. Some did not accept “special” attention, and others refused the presence of a caregiver in his home. All children and daughters have heard an ambivalence dressed in anguish with doubts about respecting their parents’ decision or guaranteeing better assistance to the loved one.
The truth is that sometimes simple attitudes can improve the situation and for both sides. First of all, when we communicate, we must remember to truly listen to ourselves – after all, when we express ourselves, there are a layer of fears and other feelings behind words. I will give you an example: by refusing the attention of a child, an elderly person can simply be afraid of becoming an obstacle, giving work, losing their autonomy or even recognizing one’s finish.
Therefore, a fundamental word is the empathyUsually interpreted as the ability to put the other instead, but it is not exactly about it. In fact, it is perceiving another perspective through ours, with listening and attention, expanding the imagination and connection.
In the wake of this, another important suggestion refers to the speed with which we want changes – in case of offer of care, we should easily take it so that the transformations are not traumatic. If the idea is to have the support of a caregiver, for example, what do you say to suggest the presence of that person for a few hours a day? Gradually, this period can increase.
Listening to what our parents and grandparents have to say is also very important to show that we recognize them as people with desires, affections, anguish, finally, with a gigantic complexity – like anyone of us.
Active listening also provides for the understanding of the presence of some conditions that can affect the judgment of this family, especially if related to mental healthAs depression and dementia. And the multi -professional assistance team for the elderly has functions in this task, from assistance in the diagnosis and treatment of these conditions to give a guide to the best adaptation to the patient’s needs.
If you think well, the understanding that “depending on the others is very bad” is constantly reproduced throughout life. Who has never thought or said? And, in effective communication with the elderly, instead of facing a truth that the person is experiencing, the best approach is empathic and welcomed. So, instead of wanting to be naively kind to saying things like “you have never disturbed me, and I love you”, it is much more honest and profitable to start as “I’m sorry to cross it, do you want to tell me more about what makes sense?”
Also welcomes
Another feeling that usually appears in these situations is that of bankruptcy. There is the feeling that we are “failing” with these dear people who took care of us so much when we were younger. But in the face of this, nothing better than remembering that we are not perfect or infallible and that the “possible” is often better than the “big”.
Unfortunately, many people suffer and get sick when they take care of someone – this is what we call “caregiver stress”. My suggestion goes on the line of what the commissioners of an airplane say well: “We have to put the oxygen mask first in us and then the person by our side”. Therefore, the discussions on the car -cure and for the implementation of a national assistance policy that also sees the inequalities and social markers of our society are so important.
Finally, there are numerous possible ways beyond “right or wrong” and there is no recipe that will apply to all the elderly. But the tonic of all this trip is listening. It can open a door to the biggest meetings of the misalignments. And if there has remained something of this message, let the hope of affection, solidarity between them and the inevitable understanding of the finish of all of us.
Source: Terra
Ben Stock is a lifestyle journalist and author at Gossipify. He writes about topics such as health, wellness, travel, food and home decor. He provides practical advice and inspiration to improve well-being, keeps readers up to date with latest lifestyle news and trends, known for his engaging writing style, in-depth analysis and unique perspectives.
