Suitcase syndrome without a handle: 4 stupid reasons to stay in a relationship

Let’s face it, getting into a relationship isn’t easy. Sometimes you sit on Tinder, dodging the dip-pics flying at you, and you think, “Is there at least one normal guy here?” And when there is one, we cling to it, even when it becomes clear: it is high time to let go of this Bolivar.

Sometimes the reasons for the breakup are obvious. For example, you have different values: you do not want children, but he dreams of five and demands to immediately give birth to the first right in borscht. There’s no doubt that it’s time to go if your devotee believes in Viti AK’s recommendations to raise the dough and loses all the money in an online casino.

But it also happens that everything seems to be going well, but you understand: you are not in a relationship. And yet you continue to cling to your union, which is no more reliable than the password “abc123”. Why are we doing this? Here are four of the dumbest reasons to stay in a relationship when it’s too late to break up.

Behavioral economics even has a term for this: the ownership effect. People value what they have much more than what they can buy. For example, your boyfriend bought a ticket to a concert of his favorite band “AK-47” for a thousand rubles, but if you give him three, he won’t give it back! And if the object has a sentimental value, then the person will not part with it all the more.

Economists shrug their shoulders: we don’t know where this effect comes from! Psychologists suggest that people are afraid of pain caused by loss of possessions. Of course, for three thousand rubles you can buy several tickets at once. But even the joy of being able to attend a concert with friends does not compensate for the moral damage caused by parting with something precious. Well, your favorite T-shirt with a portrait of Viti, bought at the last performance, will certainly not be replaced by a new one, because so many memories are associated with it!

The ownership effect also works in relationships. As Roosevelt said of Nicaraguan dictator Anastasio Somoza, “He’s a son of a bitch, but he’s our son of a bitch.” After all, you picked a boyfriend yourself, flipping through hundreds of profiles in a dating app. Decided he’s for you, even though he listens to terrible music. She let him into her home and into her soul. And how to part with it? It’s like giving up a part of yourself – even if it’s not the best, but definitely yours.

But here’s the thing: even when it comes to things, the possession effect can play a cruel trick. Sometimes people invest so much money in fixing an old car that they could already buy two new ones. And in relationships it’s even more serious: not wanting to part with “yours”, you deprive yourself of the chance to meet a person who suits you much more. He also likes jazz.

In every relationship there are many memories that warm the soul. Once my friend and I were looking for a third participant in a sea trip with tents, and for some reason, instead of immediately laying out the essence of the question, we started with the question: “Do you an ax and a kettle?” And only one of the guys who got the message didn’t specify what kind of weird interest we had in his property, but said both were available. And then immediately agreed to A month later we started dating, six months later we rented an apartment.

We both had familiar nicknames: Batdog and Zombie Pigeon, and it’s unlikely anyone will understand where they came from. Once, one of the decorative rats fell from my window, and at night it climbed onto the glass roof of the store on the first floor, where it supposedly landed. I’ve been running downstairs the whole time, trying to figure out how to explain myself to the police if someone calls them. Fortunately, there was no patrol car. The rat was found and lived a long and happy life by rat standards. We were both a little weird and I liked that.

Even the wife of the most brutal dictator will have wonderful memories of her husband. When a relationship is terrible, the bad deeds overshadow it and it’s much easier to leave. But when everything is fine between you, and the only thing is that there is no more love and deep friendship, it is not so easy to part with a person whose common past is filled with warm moments. But here’s the thing: you have to live in the present. You have to constantly contribute to the bank of good stories, otherwise the union is useless.

The boyfriend is so cool that all your friends envy you. He is the soul of the company, which can cheer up anyone. Handsome – at least now shoot half-naked for an advertising deodorant. Clever and erudite, as if hiding three crystal owls in a cupboard, generous, like George Soros, and earning a lot of money. Every morning he brings you coffee and never forgets to buy a bouquet of peonies for your birthday, which you adore. No double bottom – it is truly wonderful. But you still rejoice when he goes on a business trip.

When you imagine talking about the breakup, you break out in a sticky sweat of horror. You know for sure that no one will understand and support your decision. Endless questions will begin: “What happened? Was he a maniac? Maybe he has a van in the desert and cooks meth there? Does he hit you? Does he have a mistress? Does he listen to Vitya AK? No? Honey, you don’t know what you’re doing! You yourself already doubt your suitability: how can you separate yourself from an ideal man?

It is said that a Roman, whom everyone condemned for having divorced a beautiful, chaste and thrifty woman, put his foot forward and said: “Isn’t a shoe good? Or stop? But how many of you know where he shakes my leg? It is not at all necessary to rub your heel to refuse a pair of boats. It’s enough that you don’t like them. If a hairpin is not yours, no matter how perfect the shoes, you should not wear them. And even more, there is no need to maintain a relationship because the partner seems wonderful to everyone. You don’t need a standard, but your person.

“Girl-girl, the biological clock is already in your town! Girl-girl, they found your street! Be careful, they know your apartment number and are already pressing the elevator button!” We are all under tremendous pressure when it comes to relationships. Seven out of 10 Russians believe that a woman’s destiny is to be a mother and a good housewife – at home, of course, and not the one with a whip and in black latex who commands men.

Loners are considered losers. Of those in a relationship, they demand a wedding with a doll on the hood and a quick trip to the hospital for their first child. All achievements depreciate if you do not become a wife and parent. Even a bad and worthless husband gives you more points in the eyes of others than the position of general manager, the conquest of Everest or the award of the wife of the year. Is it any wonder that we are afraid to leave the good guys, whose only problem is incompatibility with us?

It is difficult to decide on a break when the mother has already knitted slippers for her grandson and at work colleagues ask you where you will spend your honeymoon – if you have been together for a long time, that’s all what is expected of you. But it is necessary to change your life only by following the inner impulses. Don’t let the opinions of others mislead you. Let the baby doll hang on your chest and you decide who you meet or part with.

Women are often accused of being picky. But that’s how it should be sometimes. If you consider relationships important, the person you create them with also matters. And when you leave one person, you give another person a chance with whom you will be truly happy.