Gareth Jones suffered all kinds of abuse from his ex-girlfriend, who he met on a dating app.
Warning: This report contains details of abuse that some readers may find disturbing.
A man who was kicked and punched, forced to sleep on the floor and prevented from using the toilet by his abusive ex-girlfriend, says he wants to tell his story to help other victims.
Gareth Jones, 41, reveals he needed more than a year of therapy to begin recovering from months of emotional and physical abuse he suffered from a woman he met online in July 2021.
The Mankind Initiative, the charity which helped Jones, says male domestic abuse is not as rare as some might think – and one in six or seven men will be a victim of it in their lifetime.
Earlier this year, Sarah Rigby, 41, was sentenced to 20 months in prison, suspended for two years, after pleading guilty to coercive and controlling behaviour.
Detective Sophie Ward, of Cheshire Police in England, said Rigby had “absolute dominance” over the victim.
“Many people think that only women can be victims of controlling and coercive behavior, but as this case shows, this is not always the case,” she added.
Jones, who is a manager in the NHS (British public health system), said he was isolated from friends and family during the nine-month relationship, losing control of his finances and around £40,000 (around R$295,000).
He was subjected to daily verbal abuse and humiliation and was not allowed to use the home bathroom or shower without Rigby’s permission.
Strict controls on his diet saw him lose 28kg in two months, while Rigby repeatedly threatened to tell police he had been attacked if he told anyone about the abuse.
Five months after the court ruling, he told the BBC that, at first, the relationship seemed “normal” – although, looking back, he could see that she was “overly affectionate”.
“I think they call it love bombing (something like ‘love bombing’),” he said.
“I thought: How can this person be so loving?”
“It surprises you… you think that you might actually be the right person, and that it could work.”
“It was very powerful.”
She abandoned her apartment and moved into Rigby’s house just four months after they met. That’s when the abuse escalated.
Rigby made him pay for all the time he had spent in the house previously.
He also paid 700 pounds (about R$5,000) a month in rent, plus all bills, but was not entitled to a key and could only enter the property when she was home.
He also placed restrictions on using the bathroom and what he could and could not eat.
“He would make me sleep on the floor without a blanket if things didn’t go his way,” she said.
“I wasn’t allowed to shower, shave or use the toilet. I had to restrain myself and try to get to the local supermarket, pub or restaurant.”
“If he wanted to leave, I had to leave too, even though I was trying to work.”
Rigby checked his phone and told him not to interact with his family and friends, stating, “You’re with me now.”
Every text message he sent to his mother, he immediately deleted to avoid any repercussions.
There was physical abuse, including biting, kicking, scratching and clawing.
He described an occasion in London, during a long weekend, when Rigby asked him to buy her a designer bag.
“We were in Harrods (luxury department store) and she said, ‘We’re not leaving until you buy me something expensive,’” he recalls.
“She clawed at my sweater, my arm was bleeding, until she forced me to buy her something expensive.”
Five months after moving in with Rigby, things came to a head when he secretly met his mother for coffee.
“She collapsed in front of me,” he said.
“I thought, ‘I can’t put my family through this anymore’… they were begging me to leave.”
Around this time, Jones called the Mankind Initiative.
They confirmed that he was experiencing domestic violence and hearing this from someone neutral helped him understand that he needed to get out of the relationship.
‘Get away from it’
Jones’ mother, Diane Debens, said the family was “proud” of him for taking this step in sharing what happened.
“You go through a range of emotions.”
“There’s frustration. You want to shake the person and say, ‘Get out of it.’
“You know he’s hurting. He’s your son, no matter how old he is. And you feel really helpless.”
Debens said he saw Jones with bruises, which he hid — and, on one occasion, a cut on his nose.
“I couldn’t believe that a human being could treat another human being this way,” he added.
Mankind Initiative President Mark Brooks praised Jones’ courage in sharing his story and noted that we don’t often hear about the experiences of men like him.
“There’s not a lot of information about men who are victims of domestic violence,” she said.
“It’s not talked about much.”
“Therefore, there isn’t always this awareness, even among men, that domestic abuse actually happens and can happen to them.”
Both Jones and his mother hope he feels ready to find love again in the future, but he said that time hasn’t come yet.
When Jones left his abuser, he was left with “only the clothes on his back” and had to start from scratch financially, build a new home and restore friendships, not to mention the work he had to do to get back on his feet. his feet.
“It shook my confidence for a long time… I had low self-esteem because of the constant abuse,” she said.
“I had to go to therapy.”
He added that there was a stigma around men speaking out about abuse – and he wanted to tell his story to try to change that.
Source: Terra
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