Why I don’t have an orgasm: we look for the cause and we eliminate it

Imagine driving a car that hasn’t been serviced for five years. On the dashboard, several icons are lit up, signaling a fault, and something rattles alarmingly in the back. What are the chances of getting somewhere? You can still get from point A to point B, but you can barely enjoy the road. The problem is that, to the point of insult, we often perceive our sexuality and our own body as such a “shabby” car. We see a bunch of flaws in it: both factory and acquired during operation. Some women have the impression that they are masturbating incorrectly and think that because of this they cannot take advantage of their partner. Others have heard many stories about multi-orgasmic women and lament: nature has not given everyone such talents – an orgasm seems to happen, but some kind of weakness (“Like a vagina sneezed” – one of the clients described her feelings tome). Someone cannot look at her vulva without disgust: how disgusting her appearance seems, for example, because of bulky labia, because in porn girls usually have everything compact, smooth and white. The more often you label yourself as “not like that” and “fake,” the less joy you get from sex. You cannot appreciate what causes shame, anxiety and hostility. But there is also good news.

After letting go of ideas such as “should”, “good” and “good”, you will begin to pave the way for your “should”, “good” and “good”.

There is not and cannot be a universal algorithm for achieving orgasm. We only look alike in the photo of the anatomical atlas. In life, the sensitivity, location and formation of erogenous zones (by the way, they sometimes migrate) are individual things. “We are not all like everyone else” – I repeat this phrase more often than I say hello. It is important to understand how your body works.

There are a million practices aimed at revealing and developing sexual sensitivity: intimate self-massage, the Bridge technique, the search for non-genital erogenous zones…

Our bodies are sensitive to touch, but everyone is different and in different places. It is possible and important to know exactly where your areas of maximum accumulation of nerve endings are located, and to work on them.

If there is no universal route to orgasm, then the universal enemy of pleasure is still there. And that’s a lack of security (not to be confused with the adrenaline rush, for example, of the thought that you might be caught).

I am talking about security in a broad and vital sense. It’s good when, when making contact, you are completely sure that you do not risk anything. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve figured out with girls why intimacy doesn’t bring them pleasure, literally after the third question I heard: “I’m afraid of getting pregnant,” “What if he infects me”, “It’s worth going beyond the kisses, I seem to be going numb.” ..

And me, believe me, numb in situations where my health and my future are at risk. The danger seems to block the work of the receptors. The body simply refuses to sing, as if sealed in a cement spacesuit. If it seems to you that I lean towards the subject of adequate contraception (adapted to your needs), then it does not seem to you. I lean towards her.

The vast majority of girls, saying that they do not have an orgasm, means that during solo games it is achievable, but with a man it is problematic. The tragedy is that we know how to do it, but we are sure that everything should happen differently with a partner.

According to the scenario he proposes, and not according to the one that actually leads us to orgasm. According to statistics, at most 20% of women during masturbation introduce something into themselves. For what? Yes, because only these 20% give pleasure to the movement of a foreign object (dick, fingers, toys) inside. Namely, around reciprocating movements, sex with a man is usually concentrated. This scenario ignores an important point: the additional stimulation of the clitoral head, which is requested by the vast majority of women – and which we ourselves also refuse.

No matter how many clever and useful articles you write about the fact that orgasm is not divided into vaginal and clitoral, in the presence of a partner, all these antediluvian “What if he takes offense and decides that it does not satisfy me? It turns out that it’s easier to leave yourself without pleasure than to organize an educational program for your partner on the type of combination of movements inside
and the outside brings you real joy.

How many times have I come across situations where a girl complains, “Arina, I don’t feel anything inside! Are there no emotions at all? I insert my finger – and nothing! I specify in what circumstances it was, he answers me: “Ordinarily!
I bathed and decided to touch myself for research purposes. Well, of course, nothing!

Without arousal, the body is deaf and touching areas considered sexually sensitive does not bring sensational sensations. Arousal is, in dry medical parlance, the rush of blood to the genitals. And in order for the blood to flow where it is needed, it takes enough time. What do we often focus on in sex? No, not at all about yourself and your feelings. And about how convincing the partner’s erection is, how ready he is. And also on the time devoted to preparatory activities. It always seems that there are too many hugs and kisses, and the second participant of the regatta is already frankly bored and would be happy to switch from appetizer to main course. In most cases, penetration happens very early, when our body is not quite ready yet.

“Yes of course!” I hear ten times out of ten. People who come to me for advice answer like that without hesitation! Admitting in the 21st century that you don’t like sex is a revelation: “I don’t use the Internet”.

Everybody Loves. And how not to love it? It’s sex! In the modern world, it has two functions: social and hedonistic. Now it is often a means of communication. With the help of sex we express love, tenderness and affection, we support sex – that is, we communicate. And it is also a source of pleasure. Not emotional, but quite concrete, bodily. Now think about it: girls who miss an orgasm with a partner enjoy sex like what? That’s right – like a social ritual.

They only like their heads. Yes, it is wrong to assign orgasm as the main and only sense of sex. But also treat it as something useless, don’t even try to teach your body to feel its best and ignore it: “But I feel so good!” – not the most advantageous position either. GOOD. But it could be better. Honest rifle, maybe!