Who are the “weight loss professionals” and why it is more difficult for them to lose weight than others: the opinion of a psychologist

“Professionals” are a very special kind of people who lose weight. It’s not a very big group, but a very brilliant one. They know everything about losing weight, they have tried everything, read everything, but … in moments of mental pain they break down again and again – and they can never keep the result of the diet for long.

Food is both the best friend and the main enemy, which seduces with its warmth and tenderness, then leaves you with a feeling of disgust, sticky hatred for yourself, your body, your feelings and your life in general.

At the same time, the rational component works only until there is a treacherous desire to eat “a little candy”. And if it appears, the mind and knowledge quickly capitulate and we give in to food debauchery: after all, food provides relaxation, a break from inner anxiety, tension and constant disappointment. And the fact that they get fat while eating passes by the wayside. On the first – what causes this overeating. When we want to eat a brioche, sweets, chocolate, we only remember how good it is to eat deliciously: for us it is a kind of anesthesia. We don’t remember being overweight until later, after we’ve eaten too much to the point of feeling stomach pains.

During the period of intensive weight loss, no one is happier. It seems like just a little more, and we’ll lose weight, the world will open its arms to us, and we’ll be fine. We are euphoric.

But, unfortunately, these periods do not last long. Sometimes a “professional”, having passed through nine circles of dietary hell, really loses 20-30 kilograms. For a while we find it difficult to maintain the new weight. We throw away our old clothes, convinced that we will never be “taki-ii-mi” again. And then, after six months or a year, you already regret having hastened to part with the old cabinet. We no longer fit into new dresses or pants, and the weight is increasing rapidly. Because life goes on anyway: in addition to losing weight, there are many different events. A depleted body and a depleted psyche sooner or later begin to demand food and emotional release.

Emotional stress due to separation from the only “comforter” that occurs during the period of the diet, should at some point find a discharge. The discharge obliges the body: it wants to eat. The psyche also wants to free itself: the tension intensifies, even if it is not felt or expressed in any way outwardly.

An eating disorder is a natural extension of a diet. For everyone. (Exceptions are extremely rare – at least in my practice there were none.) The only question is its degree – will it be sharper or smoother. Anyone after long-term dietary restrictions will definitely want to eat. And if food is also the main support, the breakdown is likely to happen overnight.

<...> An important point should be noted. The self-esteem of the “professional” is quite low, and losing weight becomes a fundamentally important goal for him: he feels that this is what will make him feel really “good”, “correct”, “desired “, etc. .

I have a client, Liza, who is doing well in life, but has a food addiction. When I ask how you’re doing, I always hear the answer: “Everything is bad, eat too much on the weekends again.” And she really believes that “everything is wrong”; that’s how it feels; perceives so. And if Lisa recovered, then she “everything is just terrible.”

In terms of emotions, waist and hip issues overshadow a lot of other things. If you immediately ask Lisa how you are at home or at work, it turns out that everything is fine. She doesn’t even notice that this thought – “I ate too much and got better again” – is wiping out all the good things in life for her.

This imbalance is largely due to the fact that the main problem of “professionals” is the relationship with people. They often have childhood experiences of rejection, being ignored by others, high expectations and worthlessness, experiences of helplessness and emotional drama. Due to the fact that relationships with people are extremely important, but difficult and unpredictable, the emphasis is on thoughts about being overweight. Here too, everything is far from being controllable, but there is at least the illusion of such control – or the hope of gaining it. So being overweight becomes a subject of substitution: “I don’t want to take care of my life! You have to deal with excess weight, then life will improve on its own. »

It is very important to understand that the change of balance towards harmony as a goal does not come from stupidity. The third type is, as a rule, intelligent, capable, successful people, excellent specialists, good parents and partners. This imbalance is the result of a lack of love which, in childhood, is perceived as a danger and transforms life into an eternal struggle for perfection.

Among the “professionals” lives a childlike faith: as soon as we become good (that is, thin), everything will be fine with us. What should become “good” is not even realized – it’s just a kind of expectation of a miracle.

Thus, food becomes both the best friend and the main enemy of “professionals”.

If you reported having a similar eating behavior, chances are you have gained and lost weight on several occasions. You know what a food shortage is, and the word “overeating” is not an empty word for you. You know this feeling very well: you wake up, you remember how much you ate yesterday, and the thought terrifies you. Your mood depends on the number on the scale. Therefore, either you constantly weigh yourself, or you simply get rid of the scale.

You try to do everything the best you can. You are a good professional (or, for example, a good mother, wife). You are most likely living brilliantly. Sometimes you feel like being overweight is the only thing you can’t handle. You believe that you will love yourself when you lose weight and it will solve a lot of your problems.

<...> You don’t trust people and expect them to like you no matter what. Inside you, a vile, evil voice constantly itches that evaluates your every step and shames you for every mistake. It seems that all one has to do is lose weight – and that voice will be silenced. But it’s not. The voice will find something else and torment you again, because you just have to whip yourself all the time. After all, it seems to you that if you relax, everything will fall apart …

What to do? First you need to realize that being overweight is not your main problem. The main problem is elsewhere. You have a very bad idea of ​​yourself, of what (what) you are, but you know what (what) you should be. You don’t pay attention to your feelings and think you need a good reason to rest: fatigue is for wimps, you think.

You can say that it has nothing to do with the problem of excess weight. No, this is directly related to the causes of overeating and, therefore, being overweight. Moreover, the key to harmony is self-knowledge, self-attention and self-care.