Hello, It’s a Laundromat: How to Have Phone Sex

Let’s start with a simple but relevant question: what is now considered phone sex? Previously, we all knew it was a “conversational genre”, but the era of smartphones and laptops has made its own adjustments.

So the first thing to do is agree with your partner what you mean by phone sex. It’ll be awkward if you just wanted to chat on Viber, and he dressed up for a video chat in his smartest underpants with the words “Always Ready.”

Phone sex starts…with a conversation! Who would have thought, huh? But that’s a different conversation. Sex therapist Laurie Miekels advises being honest and making sure you’re actually getting consent. And not just any, but active. A slow response, “Well, if that’s what you want, let’s try,” isn’t what you need at all.

If you’re shy or scared of your partner’s reaction, you can start with a hint: say you want to try something new and wait for a response. If he is full of enthusiasm, go first to the details, then to the point. But remember: each of you can refuse to continue at any time if you wish. Yes, you also don’t have to eat all the porridge you made if it didn’t work.

Be sure to define what consent means to each of you. Maybe the guy thinks now you can call each other anytime and masturbate via video link – you should explain to him that this is not the case. You should come to a common denominator: agree on when you’ll start and what you’re going to do, or, conversely, what your phone sex doesn’t exactly mean.

“You’re allowed to think about anything during sex or masturbation, but your partner doesn’t have to be open to fantasies that aren’t right for them,” says sex educator Gigi Angle. It is therefore worth preparing for any reactions, including negative ones, and not trying to defend your tastes. It’s best to just ask why your boyfriend perceives your desires this way, at the same time you learn something new about him.

If you’re both interested in a new experience, start by discussing your likes and dislikes. The conversation is likely to go from “this is what I’d like to try” to “let’s get started right away”. There is no one recipe: just do what you both love and stop if someone else feels uncomfortable or uncomfortable.

If you don’t know where to start a conversation, and phrases like “What are you wearing right now?” sounds too vulgar and hackneyed, Mikels advises discussing fantasies and using role play. Talk about what excites you, create a script and act it out.

Phone sex can be awkward at first, and even if you get addicted, staying “in the moment” can sometimes be tricky. Meekels advises putting a person in the spotlight: let the most talkative among you take the lead in easing the tension.

Remember, phone sex isn’t just about words. Touching yourself while you listen to your partner is another part of the equation. Nobody will judge for them: in most cases, the interlocutor wants you to do it. “And that’s a huge plus,” says Miekels. Well, she’s right: in traditional sex, “myself” can really stun a lover, but in a video chat, he’ll just be delighted with your impulse. And at the same time, he will know where your erogenous zones are and how to find the clitoris on the first try.

But first you have to accept the idea that someone will be around when you’re having fun. If your nerves give out, just close your eyes, immerse yourself in your feelings, be alone with them and your partner’s voice. Besides, it is not necessary to talk at such times: a little moaning and heavy breathing is enough.

Coming back to reality after an orgasm is a bit awkward, but you don’t have to jump straight into a normal conversation. However, you should end the conversation with the same care and attention towards each other that you started it with.

In BDSM communities, Mikels explains, people try to reconnect after sex. It’s called tracking, and it’s totally applicable in a phone sex situation.

You can create your own ritual to become two people talking again. Or, for example, discuss what you liked and what you didn’t like. The main thing is to keep in touch. “Thank you, but I have to go” is not the way to end a conversation right after an orgasm.

You do not know where to start ? Ask yourself what you like and what you don’t like. Mikels explains that it’s hard to communicate your desires if you don’t know what they are. Determine what excites you and what discourages you. For example, if you’re not talkative, ask your partner not to ask open-ended questions like, “How are you feeling?” and use direct – “Are you okay?”. If you wish, you can add details in the answer, but the feeling that you are obligated to do so will not occur.

A son is unlikely to come to court, who at ten o’clock in the evening decided to announce that tomorrow he should bring six pine cones and eight rolls of toilet paper to school. And a sister who wants to clarify whether it is possible to borrow your shoes will also be superfluous. Spontaneous phone sex is great, but only if you live alone. In other cases, it is worth planning everything in advance.

It’s terrible when the vibrator “dies” at the most interesting moment, and it will be equally insulting if the phone crashes at the wrong moment. Don’t forget to check your battery and make sure you’re somewhere with good connectivity.

Candles, nice linens, a glass of wine, anything that helps you relax and get excited is just as useful as a secluded spot and a charged phone.

Sexy clothes will help put you in a good mood, but you can also send a flirty photo or a seductive message to your lover, anticipating your conversation. Openness in desires is the key to good phone sex: it reminds your partner that you want them.

Phone sex in 2021 can be more than just voice: if you’re both comfortable, use video. The same rules apply here, you just need to decide what the lighting will look like. Choose the one you like: semi-darkness or a lamp that highlights the necessary details. But of course, you don’t have to have a zoom party: only use the video if you both want to.

It’s not so easy to make love on the phone if before that we only talked about politics and the success of our team at the Olympics on that. Michels advises gradually adding sensuality to conversations: for starters, you can read erotic literature to each other. But watch it first, because some novels can only lead to the result “Ri – and good luck.”

Another good place to start is to discuss your best sexual experiences together. There is another option: tell us what you would like to try. And don’t be afraid to go into detail: let your partner present your fantasies as vividly as possible.

It’s no secret that sex toys can increase pleasure, so don’t hesitate to use them. And don’t forget that some are controlled remotely!

This is not solo theater – you have sex for mutual pleasure. Do not try to speak in a seductive voice, do not look if you turned to the camera with a “work” profile. Listen to your body and your partner, because the main thing is pleasure, not performance.

It’s important to stay in touch with your partner, but it’s even more important to listen to you. If phone sex was unpleasant or just plain boring, be honest about it. It’s okay if you admit you didn’t like the new experience and don’t want to repeat it.

Consent is not a one-time yes, said before sex and obliging you to go through with it. If you change your mind, stop at any time and don’t be pressured. Do only what you think is right and quit the game if you feel uncomfortable.

And most importantly – don’t be shy to have phone sex. People laugh at him for nothing: erotic conversations help cultivate intimacy in a relationship, develop verbal communication skills and teach partners how to interact with each other. You’re not just “playing” but pumping the communication muscles that will help you in other areas of life. And that’s why it’s important to take phone sex as seriously as regular sex.