“Pussy”, “girl” and “my wife”: what men call their wives

My friend, who also writes, once conducted a survey of sexually active adult men for one of her books – she was interested in what they call women’s breasts and buttocks. In the text, she had a macho character, she wanted to find the most reliable vocabulary, so she turned not to young porn dreamers or lewd old theorists, but to sexually mature active men.

The answers surprised us both. They most often refer to these body parts as “boobs” and “ass.”

We tried to remember the last time we used the word “butt” other than in relation to babies and parrots. Maybe it was cucumbers? What do we call our own breasts? This is called the chest. Or even boobs.

Seems to me sane women don’t stutter when they talk about their bodies, it’s as bad as “I eat”. If you come across a text of a woman’s face, where the author writes “boobs”, you are most likely reading a porn story concocted by a man – close this tab as soon as possible and run the antivirus.

It’s also rare for women to give their vagina special names, probably because they don’t often talk to it at all. All these monstrous “pussies” and “girls” are the product of the male imagination. And I’m not even sure they offer drooling idiots, even though that’s exactly what it looks like. Just remember how you communicate with your cat, and a lot of things will become clear. So do they feel the same degree of tenderness at the sight of women? (But personally, I can’t imagine it).

There is another interesting aspect of gender naming. It is quite natural for loving people to give each other affectionate nicknames, which usually remain inside the couple – all these rabbits, birds, dolls and eggplants. But somehow you have to call your wife when talking about her to others?

I tried to categorize men by what they call their wives when they talk to other people about them. Here is what happened (need we remind you that this determinant is not universal?):

Daughter – young uncles often say this about their girlfriends. “My girlfriend” may be well over thirty, but the uncle is still noticeably older, so he diligently emphasizes his youth. “Women” for them have no status and are not sexual by definition.

Heifer and other slang words – both very young outcasts and, conversely, old, but wanting to be fashionable. The latter still use outdated expressions like “dude”, they don’t know anything about current slang. You can see their posts on social media where they are terrified trying to figure out what “chan” is, because they just learned the word “chika”, and here it is again.

Beloved – say the husbands, emphasizing their marriage in every possible way. Often they are incorrect. I don’t know why it happens like this, but it is with this word on their lips that they most often deceive.

Girlfriend – those who want to look free, hiding the relationship. It’s like they’re just “friends with sex” or even without. Foreign women easily fall into this trap – hearing about a girlfriend, it is difficult to assume that it is a girl with whom a man has been living for three years.

Half – gives a kind of everyday vulgarity. They might be good people, but for some reason I see some jerk in a T-shirt scratching his belly and telling stupid jokes. This is probably my personal linguistic snobbery.

Virgo, young woman – cautious guys who want to show a slight irony to their women and, just in case, hint that they are open to everything new. “There is a young girl, but …” – and in these ellipsis there is a place for another small connection. Which will always cancel neither the young girl nor the young lady.

A woman is a hyper-responsible man, sometimes quite young. “My wife” is a title, a position and a sentence. Sometimes being their wife is quite pleasant, but more often it is inconvenient, as if you are standing on a pedestal, moreover, on one leg.

Wife, spouse – it means they have it forever. He will certainly not divorce you, and even if you can seduce such a husband, he will teach you that “the family is sacred”. You are not. And new spouses like to emphasize their status in this way, but it quickly passes.

Ma, ma femme is a deliberately simplified version. Sometimes fairly honest people joke like that, so don’t rush to change your face. Maybe this couple is fine.

By name – the best case, in my opinion, the most sane and respectful. A man has a connection with a particular woman, he does not hide it and, perhaps, loves her.

And yet, do not rush to hand out diagnoses and hang tags when you hear an inconvenient word. Many people have a difficult relationship with the Russian language, sometimes so intimate and bizarre that it is impossible to understand it from the outside. In the end, men also forgive silences, beloveds and boyfriends in their address.