Shut up, inner voice! 5 ways to deal with self-criticism in sex

Here are some phrases from the inner voice:

“You look horrible when you’re naked.”

“Your breasts are too big (or too small).”

“You are too old.”

“He’ll see how awful you are.”

For many people, this inner voice keeps them from having sex. They start thinking about themselves, about their partner, how terrible everything is, they think they are doing everything wrong.

Of course, sex ceases to be fun, communication with a partner is broken. Is there a way to handle this? Yes! Here are some winning strategies.

Write down on a sheet of paper all the negative thoughts associated with your sexuality. Your body, your skills, your partner, the sex itself – it doesn’t matter. State in the third person: “She doesn’t move well in bed” – as if someone were saying it.

If disturbing thoughts arise frequently, you get used to them and take them as a critical opinion from the outside. For example, if in the previous step you came to the expression “good girls don’t like sex”, your own mother could very well have said it many years ago. Many opinions are formed in the past and have an impact on the present.

Try talking to yourself. To the words, “You’re weird,” respond, “I’m weird when I listen to this nonsense, but in general I’m a wonderful person.”

Try not to trust the opinion of the inner critic. Think about what you really like about sex. Remember all the good times and what it means to rejoice.

In a good relationship, there is a place for such stories. Complaining about how the inner voice interferes with your sexuality. By sharing your feelings, you help your partner get to know you better and understand how and why you behave the way you do. Going forward, try to pay attention to your feelings and not what the critic is whispering to you.