Regina Todorenko and Vlad Topalov: “There was a moment when we were on the verge of a divorce”

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Regina, I want to ask right away, now you are literally working for wear and tear, while you have two children, the youngest of whom is only seven months old. How are you doing?

Regina: Of course, we also have grandmothers and a nanny. But a husband involved in family responsibilities is personally my greatest reward. Vlad wakes up at 5 in the morning with the children, he washes them himself, feeds them, then, when I wake up, he makes me breakfast. How incredible this is, probably, only women who have experienced motherhood will understand. After all, you wake up every 2-3 hours to feed, you do not sleep because of the cutting teeth, you wake up to change the diaper. When a baby appears in the family, women go on maternity leave. So, I believe that every such woman needs a husband who will take care of her like a child.

Is there any difference between how mom and dad bring up?

Vlad: We used to have constant arguments about this. It is clear that dad and mom have different energies – this is normal. But only recently I began to understand: do not try to change each other. Regina has her own method of education, I have mine. Together we get a symbiosis – the child understands that it is possible this way and that.

Regina: Yes, it’s cool when a child has different role models. For example, Misha is always very gentle with me. He hugs all the time: “Mommy, I love you so much.” And recently he said that when he grows up, he will definitely marry me. I had to upset him with the fact that I already have a husband – his father. (Laughs) Misha, of course, is more restrained with his dad.

And who is the head of your family?

Regina: Now we are learning that the main thing in a family is love. It unites us, keeps us together, gives strength and motivation for the future.

Vlad: And now I’ll tell you how it really is. (Laughs) We definitely do not have patriarchy or matriarchy. But there are different positions in which each of us leads. For example, Regisha always makes sure that everyone eats right. My area of ​​responsibility is discipline. This is what I am good at, I understand how to convey this to the child. And it’s great that there is such a division. Misha is slowly getting used to the fact that there are some boys’ things and some women’s. Yes, it happens that we disagree with Regish and swear in front of the children. But we make peace with them.

There is such a thing as financial relations in the family. Is this a stumbling block in your couple?

Regina: I mostly do creative work, art and ballroom dancing. And Vlad is in charge of all finances, he even has his own consultant on these issues.

Vlad: Four years ago, when our first child was born, I caught myself thinking that I absolutely do not know what money is. Even though I was in my 30s. Where to invest, how much to spend, how much to save – all this was a mystery to me. And then I thought: what will I leave to my son as a legacy? I was seriously puzzled and realized that I wanted to deeply understand the financial issue. After all, we used to live without problems: today – doshirak, tomorrow – pizza. And when such a woman appears next to you, such children, you begin to think about it differently.

Regina: Vlad is now teaching Misha. When their son was still three years old, they took out a treasure chest – ruble coins. Misha says: “Dad, I want a monster truck.” And Vlad answered him: “Good. Then count. How much does it cost?”. He captivated his son so much that, although through tears, he learned all these numbers and calculated the required amount – 329 rubles.

Do you invest in any family traditions?

Regina: We invest in travel. It is always knowledge, always new experience, something interesting. These are the experiences we take with us. And besides, it is also content that can then be monetized.

Vlad: There is a tradition that I hate, but regularly perform for the sake of the family – these are trips to children’s performances. I’m generally a very introverted dude, with great reluctance go out into the public. But I can get high in the moment only from the fact that my loved ones feel good. In general, the family is an amazing journey, difficult, but interesting. I believe that if you have succeeded in the family, then everything else in your life is either good or ceases to have any meaning. Therefore, I am constantly learning, working on myself, on relationships with my wife and children. After all, I myself have a terribly disgusting relationship with my parents, they are divorced. And I will try my best to avoid their mistakes.

Regina: We had a moment when we were on the verge of a divorce, then I blurted out: “I will divorce you.” To which Vlad replied: “I won’t give a divorce, we will live with you forever.” Then it sounded like a threat. (Laughs)

In a couple, it is important not to forget about romance …

Vlad: Our family psychologist once gave us good advice: schedule dates with each other in your calendar. At first it seemed like something wild: why can’t we meet? But it turned out that it’s not so easy to remember yourself in the first months of acquaintance and talk to each other not only about children. But it is precisely such dates that return the strong foundation on which the relationship rests.

Regina: In all couples, the scenario is the same: we all often neglect our relationships for the sake of children. And the love connection inevitably begins to fade.

Vlad: I’ll tell you one case. Regina usually works late. And I, on the contrary, go to bed with the elder at 10 pm and wake up very early. During the week I took Misha to the kindergarten, Regisha was still sleeping, in the evening they went to bed – she was not at home yet. One of these days, my sister asks me: “Well, how is she after yesterday?”. It turns out that my wife was walking with the girls all night, and I didn’t even know about it. We existed in some parallel universes. So I came up with a super banal and downright idiotic thing – Regina and I just went to the cinema.

Regina: No, it was a real surprise! One fine day, Vlad says: “Free up time from one in the morning until 4 in the morning.” Okay, I think it’s convenient – the children are sleeping. Even dressed up for the occasion – it is not clear where we are going. And here we come to an almost empty cinema.

Vlad: It was very touching. We spent three hours together. I am in a tracksuit, she is in an outfit from Igor Chapurin. (smiling)

Do you like to give gifts to each other?

Regina: I love to give emotions, smiles.

Vlad: We stopped inventing and improvising – we give only the necessary things. Although last year we went to New York, where Regina, the main traveler of the country, has not yet been.

Regina: Where we are flying, I found out only at the airport. It was very romantic!

You have been together for five years. What have we learned from each other during this time?

Regina: To be honest, only recently I began to realize that I am married, that I actually have two children. (Laughs) But seriously, with Vlad I gained some kind of foundation under my feet, self-confidence. I am always a doubting person. And Vlad convinces me every day that I am beautiful, smart, fantastic, that everything works out for me. And it’s so important when there is someone who believes in you.

Vlad: And Regina taught me the main thing – to be a father. She taught me to love and delve into family processes, to work on myself. She absolutely transforms me, makes me want to be better – as a person, as a musician, as a dad, as a husband, as a friend, as a son. It is always very painful. Before meeting her, I was completely satisfied with myself, but it turned out that I was not so beautiful. (Laughs)

What is love for you?

Vlad: This is a big castle that you build in order to live in it until the end of your days. This is the most important thing in life. The rest only complements or does not matter at all.

Regina: I support every word.