Monday, October 3, 2022

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‘Unloved and lonely’: What’s wrong with men who dream of downgrading

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In September 2021, RBC Pro published an article by Alena Vladimirskaya, headhunter and co-founder of the Facancy service. It presents the results of a recent study, according to which Russian top managers dream of exotic professions, but do not leave their usual work, fearing the reaction of their spouses. So what’s wrong with women who don’t let men follow their hearts? Or maybe it’s not about wives at all?

dream job

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Facancy has found an interesting trend: “entertainment” professions have their own audience. It turned out that penguin flippers, sheikh butlers and experimenters dream of not being bored slackers in the office in front of screens. These places appeal to “high-ranking white-collar workers in big cities”: men over 35 who earn more than 350,000 rubles and work in banking, finance, telecommunications and the public sector.

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But senior executives, after viewing the long-awaited demotion vacancy several times a week, sigh and close the browser. Penguins remain an unattainable dream, and Facancy set out to find out why. Service employees interviewed 638 people who explained why they do not go out into the wilderness to become “village owner”.

The researchers assumed that it was about finances: it is one thing to receive half a million a month, another – 60,000 rubles. But it turned out that people are not afraid of “small pay” – senior managers, according to them, have savings that allow them to painlessly transform penguins from one to three years old. One in two respondents (52%) admitted that they dare not downgrade because they are afraid of an aggressive reaction from their family.

“It’s…in love, or rather, in the absence of it.” It turned out that these same men are even afraid to hint at such a career transition in their families: “they will not understand me”, “there will be a divorce”, “they will deprive me of children”. It turned out that these very high-status urban men are unloved, unsupported and lonely,” writes Alena Vladimirskaya on her social media page. Subscribers support her in the comments: “How awful, you can also agree with a loving woman”, “As an experienced backslider, I will say that this is a serious obstacle – the attitude of the family towards the way of life.”

After the poll and the comments, the image in my head is depressing. In front of us is an exhausted and exhausted top manager – the living hero of the demotivator “There are no impossible tasks, there are heart attacks at 30.” He was tired of chronic stress, irregular work schedules and constant decisions. This person wants to turn over penguins or take care of the lighthouse, but the evil and greedy wife, like the Raja of the Golden Antelope, shouts: “No more money!” Give more!”

But here’s the problem: no one spoke to these women. Maybe if the researchers had talked to them, we would have seen a completely different still life.

Partnership Crisis

In a survey by Otkritie Bank, 50% of men said women shouldn’t work. Some are successfully implementing this idea: in March 2021, a resident of Tomsk, Dmitry, told T-Zh that he persuaded his wife to quit because he did not like his wife, a dispatcher in an IT department , returns home in a bad mood due to dissatisfied customers. After that, the couple began to live on her husband’s salary – 35,000 rubles. The woman’s pregnancy did not shake Dmitry’s confidence that this amount was quite enough for the family’s existence.

How many men who persuaded their wives to leave their jobs, among those who earn 350,000, one can only guess. But if they are, then one can imagine the horror of the girls at the thought that their spouses will go to transform penguins or revive villages. What if a pine fell on her husband? Or will he get drunk with the rest of the “revivalists”? Or, having played and rested enough from his first position, will he not find the same place? How will she, who believed in the “You take care of the family, I feed us all” deal, be able to support the children with her diploma, which expired 10 years ago?

Yes, there are savings and they will support the family for a while. But after all, this money rarely lies “like that”. They usually have plans, such as paying for their children’s education or medical expenses in the event of serious illness. Or buy apartments for sons and daughters. And then it suddenly turns out that the emergency supply will go to food while the woman lives in the Amazon jungle among “big insects, curious monkeys and strange sounds”.

A woman who has not limited herself to the role of housewife will not be pleased either. After all, a family isn’t a toy you can throw away when you’re bored. Children are a lifetime commitment. A marital union assumes that both people have common goals and work to achieve them. When one of them suddenly decides to become a butler in the UK, then a divorce is really inevitable, because the woman understands: it seems that the partnership is over and the man just wants to live happily and for his own pleasure. . What is the point of maintaining such a relationship?

In the comments to Alena Vladimirskaya’s post, users complain that “there is not enough unconditional love in society.” But relationships are not only feelings, but also responsibilities. And judging by the fact that demotion jobs are seen by men, we women do it better. At 35, we continue to think about mortgages, the education of children, elderly parents. We even try to stay beautiful so that the husband doesn’t complain that his wife has “gone crazy”, even if, you know, we also want love, which does not depend on weight and wrinkles and stretch marks.

And everyone takes our efforts for granted. No one will support a woman who announces that she is going to the polar station to raise penguins for six months, and let her husband hire a nanny for the baby and a governess for the older children for the hideout. Why, even someone who refuses to go to the gym for six months in order to carve out a few hours of rest a week will become the object of condemnation. What kind of woman is she who does not want to please her husband with her appearance? Nobody will write hundreds of comments to defend such a girl about men who are not capable of “unconditional love”.

Burnout is a terrible and unpleasant thing. But men must understand: it is not women who are responsible for the fact that the problem cannot be solved by leaving for the South Pole. It’s not your bad wife that keeps you from throwing things in your backpack, but your own decision to start a family and make long-term commitments. And you have to manage the fatigue so that the people who depend on you don’t suffer or complain that marriage is not compatible with the return of the penguins.

Have you ever wanted to leave for a lower paying job?

Yes

Not

Source: The Voice Mag

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