In this week’s column, Adriana Mantana explains through the family constellation how the lack of stability in different aspects of life can afflict the affective area
Flávia has not been able to establish herself in the affective area. He has always been sidelined. Neither relationship lasted more than two weeks. I was tired. I had tried everything, but I felt like I was in quicksand.
He was 43 years old and considered himself a real failure in the field of love. She’s the only one in the family that she didn’t have children, even though she really wanted to. She was almost losing hope and she was already internally convinced that “I would stay for the aunt.”
But even as she tried to convince herself that she no longer wanted to have children or have a partner to share her life with, she was still agonized every night. She watched romantic movies on Netflix and deep down she idealized a happy life with someone who loved her. And she wondered: can I ever be happy in love?
Family constellation and the laws of love
German Bert Hellinger, inventor of the pseudoscience known as family constellation, bequeathed the three laws of love.
The first law of love is related to the question of belonging, i.e. all people in the family, or who have some kind of bond of fate or love, belong.
The second law of love has to do with order, i.e. whoever comes first is greater than whoever comes later. Here we have ancestors, great-grandparents, grandparents and parents.
And the third law of love is that of balance. In this case there is no order, more balance between equals. This is where relationships come into play.
The problem usually occurs, because a person who has difficulties in life together probably breaks other laws. When this happens, the exchange in the third law does not take place. So the man or woman takes a place that doesn’t belong to them.
Here’s an example: A woman who has some kind of difficulties with her parents can play the role of a child in a couple relationship. In this way she will see the other not as a partner but as a father. The same can happen with man, who can see woman as a mother.
Then many struggles, crises and conflicts arise, because there is no balance. However, it is not enough to give in the same proportion as the strength is received. This exchange movement is natural and healthy in light and meaningful relationships.
You will have to internally reconcile with your family system
Understand that the problem may not be in the relationship itself, but rather in the person’s attitude towards their family system. No matter how much the person denies, criticizes and does not accept it, there are several proofs through the books of Bert Hellinger regarding these movements.
I understand that childhood may have been complicated. Problems like abuse, mistreatment, etc. In this case, therapeutic intervention is necessary to heal wounds, blockages and traumas. Because unfortunately the nature is amoral, that is, even if the person has gone through many difficulties in childhood, he will still need to internally reconcile with his family system. If this is not done, he will continue to stagnate in different areas of life.
Bert Hellinger has a phrase that is very well known today, which is the following: “A mother has the face of success”. I have been going to the office for many years and see it very often. The more difficulties a person has with his mother, the more difficulties he has in life.
You don’t have to believe me, look around. Those people who find it easier in life are usually those who are internally well resolved with the mother. That’s why I said that if you have any kind of problem with your family system, I suggest you seek some kind of therapy to fix it.
I know it may seem challenging and unfair, but it’s not me saying it, life often proves it to us. I don’t mean that you have to call your mother, tell her you love her, go to her house. Only do what is true for you. For the affective area to flow, as well as the other areas of your life. Truly reconcile with your mother and your system internally.
You may ask yourself, how do I know I’m in the correct posture? I answer you: your achievements in life will prove it. The more aligned with your family system, the better your results will be.
I am a constellator and therapist. If you would like to schedule a constellation or therapy session, please contact me via WhatsApp (62) 98161-0529 or my direct on Instagram: @adrianamantanaoficial.
Big hug! Take care with love!
Adriana Mantana.
Source: Terra
Ben Stock is a lifestyle journalist and author at Gossipify. He writes about topics such as health, wellness, travel, food and home decor. He provides practical advice and inspiration to improve well-being, keeps readers up to date with latest lifestyle news and trends, known for his engaging writing style, in-depth analysis and unique perspectives.
