Parents raising successful children never use these 5 sentences

Check out renowned child psychologist and author Tovah Klein’s tips for avoiding bad situations

Language is important when talking to children, especially in the heat of a tense moment. When a child misbehaves or throws a tantrum, it’s easy to tell what you think will calm him down and act up. But some common phrases can “shame” a child and permanently damage their self-esteem, says Tovah Klein, a child psychologist and author of “How Toddlers Thrive.”

Any phrase that seems to blame the child for a behavior or emotion they’re experiencing is a problem, says Klein, who is also director of the Child Development Center at Barnard College. Barnard is an undergraduate women’s college of Columbia University.

“Shame can really be toxic to a child because it carries with it, ‘I shouldn’t be very good. I shouldn’t feel that,'” says Klein CNBC Do it. “It really becomes a feeling of insecurity. It’s like a weakness.”

5 phrases you should never say to your children

When children are shamed by their parents, the people whose love and opinions matter most to them, their confidence and motivation declines, research shows. This makes them less likely to try new things and take on new challenges, traits they need to be successful later in life.

More often than not, parents don’t want to embarrass their kids, says Klein. This can manifest as an exaggerated sigh or eye roll and a sarcastic comment such as:

• • “You’re in a bad mood again. You’re always in a bad mood.”
• • “Why do you always get angry when this happens?”
• • “You really needed to do this [comportamento negativo] Still?”
• • “This is ridiculous!”
• • “You’re exaggerating.”

“Usually, this is just a sign of frustration,” says Klein. Perhaps your child is arguing again with his sibling, suddenly pretending not to listen to his requests or refusing to do something he’s not normally interested in.

“You think you have a really sweet baby, which is true most of the time,” says Klein. “And then your kid just doesn’t want to do something—he doesn’t want to go out to dinner with his grandma and grandpa and they’re walking around the house, for example.”

Turning your child down for his bad mood and pouty face “makes the child feel terrible” and makes him wonder if something is permanently wrong with him, says Klein.

What can you say instead

First of all, you can always step back and take a deep breath before saying anything, says Klein. Ask yourself: “What is happening to me, that I am angry and disappointed in my child?”

Remember that children, like adults, are “made to have a variety of feelings, some positive and many negative,” says Klein. So choose responses that empathize with your child until his bad mood inevitably passes.

Here are four examples, according to Klein:

• • “You don’t want to do it now, and I understand that. But, yes, we have to go.”
• • “If it’s difficult, I will help you.”
• • “I wish we could do that.”
• • “Do you want to go out? I understand. Unfortunately, we can’t right now.”

Acknowledge their disappointment before moving forward and be firm about what needs to happen, letting them know you’re not abandoning plans just because they’re momentarily in a bad mood. You don’t have to “talk too much,” says Klein: “But a little empathy helps.”

Ignore yes, but with respect

In some situations, you can also practice “respectfully ignoring” a child who acts defiantly, Klein adds: Rather than rejecting or ignoring the behavior, calmly wait for it to pass. Say something like, “I’m going to pack our stuff. I’ll come back to get you later.”

If you lose your temper and say something you regret, you’ll need to admit your mistake in order to restore trust with your child. “You make them less fearful by saying, ‘This is tough. I yelled and you got angry, but it’s okay now,'” concludes Klein.

HOMEWORK inspires transformation in the world of work, in business, in society. It is creation ofCOMPASS

content and connection agency.

Source: Terra

Ben

Ben Stock is a lifestyle journalist and author at Gossipify. He writes about topics such as health, wellness, travel, food and home decor. He provides practical advice and inspiration to improve well-being, keeps readers up to date with latest lifestyle news and trends, known for his engaging writing style, in-depth analysis and unique perspectives.