In addition to the hormonal and emotional roller coaster, the body changes and must adapt to this phase. Understand where your libido goes and what can help revive it
One of the phrases that many women fear hearing during the return consultation with the midwife after giving birth is: “You are free”. This is because sex is the last thing on their minds. While it can’t be generalized, the scenario is more common than you might think – and understandably so! Not only has the mother’s body just gone through one of the greatest transformations possible, but life has probably changed a lot too, taking away her character, emotions, good sleep and… her breasts.
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Yes, if one day they were fundamental elements in intimate moments and functioned as erogenous zones, now, for those who are breastfeeding, they are swollen, painful and leak milk. Not to mention issues like fissures, mastitis, blocked ducts, and other common breastfeeding problems. Considering all this, in fact, it is difficult to expect sexual desire to be the same as before.
“The postpartum period is a moment in which a profound reorganization, both physical and psychological, of that woman occurs”, explains Erika Mendonça, gynecologist and obstetrician specializing in human sexuality, from Casinha AmarEla (SP). According to the professional, during this period the mother begins to function differently, becoming a duo, that is, she is seen in almost total integration with the child. Unlike what happened during pregnancy, the newborn requires assistance, nutrition and hygiene care. “Suddenly, this woman not only finds herself in a process of restructuring her own body, but she also needs to share this function with the pregnancy of that child’s life,” the doctor emphasizes.
“In addition to the discomfort of the body in transition, which adapts milk production to the volume of the newborn’s stomach, it also has bleeding, which lasts from 4 to 6 weeks, hair loss and may present swelling… All this is combined with the sleep deprivation, while the child learns the sleep-wake cycle,” she recalls. In other words: I want him in bed, only if he sleeps!
Focus on breastfeeding
What is libido? According to the expert, it is a vital energy that we move to satisfy a desire, not necessarily a sexual one.. After giving birth, hormones focus on breastfeeding. “The desire moves into the affection of breastfeeding, into the contact of the baby’s hand, with the mouth close to the nipple,” she describes. Yes, because, once the initial difficulties have passed, the idea is that breastfeeding, in itself, becomes a pleasant act.
And speaking of hormones, they play a central role in the revolution that occurs at this stage in the mother’s body, mind and emotions. Prolactin, responsible for the emission of milk, increases, while estrogens decrease, which favor, for example, the preparation of the female body for the fertile period. These changes combined result in minimizing sexual stimulation and lubrication of the vagina, leaving it dry and making penetrative sex painful and uncomfortable.
It is also necessary to remember the enormous mobilization of the pelvic floor muscles [ grupo de músculos que sustenta os órgãos abdominais, incluindo o útero]. “She needs rest and restructuring. The internal tissue of the vagina needs to be healed,” explains Érika. “For this reason, sex, at least penetrative sex, can vary depending on the woman and not be a priority factor, while a complete recovery of the body awaits us,” she emphasizes.
The breast, whose function is to provide food to the baby, day and night, becomes extremely sensitive. “Until the volume of milk produced and the baby’s needs are adequate, until the attachment is correct and the necessary adjustments are made, it will take time,” explains the doctor.
This time, the gynecologist reminds us, varies. Some women have more difficulty, more sensitivity to the nipple, cracks form due to the friction of breastfeeding, until they are unable to produce a skin resistance, a breastfeeding rhythm. “Breastfeeding is not expected to be smooth at first,” says Erika. “Breastfeeding, known as breastfeeding, can last up to three days and cause symptoms such as fever. Not to mention that breastfeeding instructions are extremely important so that the mother can reduce the occurrence of infections in the breasts,” he adds.
There are so many physical details, as well as all the emotional factors that come with motherhood. It is a phase of melancholy, of crying more frequently – and there are reasons for such feelings. “It is an unacknowledged mourning for the end of a pregnancy and, above all, the end of a reality in which that woman says goodbye to her independence”, says the specialist. This is an important point especially for those who have just given birth to their first child. “The time is gone when she needed to take care of herself on her own,” she says. “This is also part of the lack of availability for the sex-shifted libido. Maybe libido is about survival and the ability to handle the new reality,” she reflects.
What to do then?
Furthermore respect your time and your wisheswith frank conversations (and an equal division of labor!) with your partner, if there is one, and with a lot of patience, little by little, it is possible to rediscover your body and your pleasure.
According to Erika, it is essential to understand that the representations of sexuality and the way in which it is seen also change. “The way the woman lived, the permission she gave herself and how much energy and power she had available to inject her libido and move it towards sex also appear as factors determining this return to sexual experience “, she describes herself.
” It is also essential to place this sexual experience in a place that is not simply merely penetrative, which is not exactly the case. Do not completely trust that the stimulus is effective in producing lubrication, choose a lubricant to make this moment less painful, since the lack of lubrication can produce microcracks and increase infections, such as candidiasis and vaginosis”, he recommends. The doctor recalls that currently there are several types of vaginal lubricants, from water-based drugs to formulas with hormonal composition: talk to a specialist and find out which could be the best solution for your case.
A pelvic floor physiotherapy It can also be useful in the postpartum period, to deal with possible incontinence and recover muscles. Furthermore, having a support network and finding time for yourself, even a little, to go for a walk, go to the bakery or the supermarket alone, take the dog for a walk, without the child, may seem simple, but it has unimaginable effects on the emotional recovery.
Oh, and also remember that the sex is not just sex. “It is essential to have spaces for not only sexual but emotional encounters, moments to be together, exchange, improve communicative performance. This has a lot to do with the choice of partner. Returning to a non-demanding sexual life can be an interesting experience management for this recovery”, he adds.
Source: Terra
Ben Stock is a lifestyle journalist and author at Gossipify. He writes about topics such as health, wellness, travel, food and home decor. He provides practical advice and inspiration to improve well-being, keeps readers up to date with latest lifestyle news and trends, known for his engaging writing style, in-depth analysis and unique perspectives.
