Relationships: Understanding the Impact of Superficiality on Relationships

Relationships: Understanding the Impact of Superficiality on Relationships


The increase in the number of divorces highlights the difficulty of establishing solid and lasting emotional bonds

Most couples are currently facing a serious crisis in their relationships. According to the latest IBGE census, one in three marriages in Brazil ends in divorce. The numbers also show that, in the last 10 years, divorces have increased by 160%. According to the research, the average length of marriage has dropped from 17.5 to 13 years together.




Psychoanalyst and relationship expert Carol Tilkian says people are feeling increasingly lonely. “As we look at this finding, we have another study that reports that one in four people feel lonely, and this loneliness is due to the absence of meaningful emotional ties,” she points out.

According to the professional, the epidemic of loneliness also has other points that are evaluated from the point of view of psychoanalysis. “In love we accumulate disagreements and frustrations and we find ourselves exhausted, on the defensive and, at the same time, eager to find a possible love. We blame liquid times and look for new ways of relating without realizing that the primary discourse is not in the new models of relationship but rather in the beliefs, feelings and thoughts that we bring to any situation”, he emphasizes.

Superficial relationships

The emergence of new relational models such as open relationships must be addressed from the perspective of the impacts of the fear of abandonment and the harmful effects of the desire for control over the other and an ideal relationship. “When considering the time of love, it is important to remember that it does not follow a geometric progression, it is not always accelerated and constant. There are oscillations, but we are less and less willing to tolerate silences, disagreements and the fear of losing ties,” she reinforces.

For the psychoanalyst, another important factor to take into account is artificial intimacy, which generates a state of false connection and latent loneliness. “In an era in which we live a life of social networks, we create connections, but not bonds. In connections I have access to others, but it is limited. Bonds are something built in depth”, says Carol Tilkian.

In times when the Internet provides information quickly, according to the expert, for love to be possible it is necessary to have the courage to leave room for doubt and not knowing. “Love is a gamble, but it should not be a game,” says Carol. “As long as we want to understand everything that is happening and seek certainties, we will continue to play defensively or predict the worst-case scenarios.”

In the professional’s assessment, the invitation to change in love also passes through self-love, self-acceptance and independence. “No one needs to be the best version of themselves. We can be what we are today: chaotic, inconsistent, imperfect,” he concludes.

Source: Terra

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