A woman had taken sleeping pills when she woke up at dawn with her partner on. Even so, it took a while to see the violence
For several nights, psychologist Eduarda *, 35, woke up at dawn with her partner who was engaging in sexual acts with her body. Her refusal to consent, as she slept during intercourse, did not appear to be a deterrent to her partner. If she didn’t wake up, he would have her pleasure and then go back to sleep.
But, at that moment, Eduarda didn’t understand situations like sexual violence.
“There have been several situations where I woke up and something was already happening (…). We end up thinking the partner is a good guy, and it wasn’t violence, just a persistent attack,” he says.
Realization came gradually, along with other invasive human behaviors. The last straw of her, however, was a night when the psychologist woke up at dawn and realized that, once again, the man was on her, forcing his hand on the genital organ.
The difference here was that she had been on strong insomnia medications and was groggy, and he knew it.
“I realized in that moment that my consent didn’t matter to him. It wasn’t something he had started and he wanted me to participate. I felt like a hole that existed just to satisfy him,” she says.
The next morning, the psychologist came to doubt what had happened and, therefore, it took about a week and a half to act. “When I woke up, I didn’t know if it was a dream or a reality, I was so groggy,” she recalls. “It took me days to think about it, looking for memories to make sure it happened.”
Opposite, the man claimed he was also sleeping. “He said he was a sleepwalker and he apologized, but it wasn’t an excuse to stop him,” he says.
What happened to Eduarda and 641 million other women aged 15 to 24 around the world, according to a 2021 World Health Organization (WHO) report, has a name: marital rape. Violence occurs when a partner – boyfriend, boyfriend, husband – has sex without the partner’s consent.
Sexual violence in relationships
“Historically, there was the idea that within marriage a woman had an obligation to be sexually available, but rape is raperegardless of the relationship he is in “, underlines Marina Ruzzi, a lawyer specializing in gender and sexual diversity.
There is no specific legislation for marital rape, committed within a stable relationship. However, this type of crime can fall under the Maria da Penha law, which deals with cases related to domestic violence. «She is an aggravating circumstance, that is, considered more serious when it is committed by the partner, “he adds.
According to the lawyer, Eduarda’s case is also configured as a rape of a vulnerable person, since she was unable to consent to the sexual practice.
“It is very difficult for these victims to report. It usually takes a long time and the material evidence is lost (…). Even so, the victim’s testimony is considered the main evidence in these cases,” Ruzzi says.
“I’m afraid of future relationships”
Eduarda, who prefers to preserve her identity, has decided to report her partner to the police and to part with him permanently. In an interview with Landshe says she had to play the role of a psychologist for herself, as if she were mentoring a friend.
“I had to take that weight off my back and tell what happened. Recognizing myself as a victim is painful and also going through the whole process to prove what happened, but I had to do it,” says the victim.
After understanding herself as a victim, separating herself from the aggressor and denouncing him, Eduarda still feels the consequences of the sexual violence to which she has been repeatedly subjected. Today she has a psychological follow-up and is under treatment with antidepressants and drugs for insomnia.
There is also the fear of entering a new relationship. Difficulty seeing yourself in a relationship is a result of the fear of being a victim again.
“I’m afraid of future relationships, of having someone in my life and of trusting again,” says the psychologist.
Eduarda admits that while it’s a painful process, what helps her move forward is having reported her ex-partner.
“There I felt that the lump in my throat, the weight of the violence was lifted from me (…). I said that this has happened and that he must be held responsible. Who will judge whether or not, is a third party. Mine role, “he adds.
* The victim’s name was changed to protect his identity.
** With edition by Estela Marques.
Source: Terra
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