I was diagnosed with the tare (avoidant restrictive eating); understand the symptoms
Before being able to take the initiative to write this text, it took long years of solitude and attempts to escape from myself. I can’t remember when I started having food restrictions. In fact, my feeling is that I have always had a difficult palate during my 36 years. According to my mother, in the first four years of my existence I was not the case.
First of all, I would like to tell you that I don’t eat vegetables or fruit. When I don’t say anything, I don’t mean anything. If there is a little green on the plate, I take it off; If there was a tomato seed inside it would suck me and I will no longer want to eat that dish.
For example, I am always the one who orders the hamburger without salad. Unfortunately it often happens that the order will arrive wrong and I have to withdraw it. To me the simple fact of having to get in touch with these foods causes me a knot in the throat. It could be the most delicious burger in the world, but it will no longer be the same fun. If I suspect that a simple salted dish can contain tomato, forget it. I turn your stomach.
The first reaction of people – and perhaps also of those of you who read – is to think: “Wow, how fresh this girl is!” For a long time I also considered myself cool, I demanded a lot and suffered even more simply to not be able to feel pleasure in eating foods recognized all over the world as healthy.
Being a fatty woman, I followed countless diets during my life. I took several drugs, from Sibutramine to Ozempic. The latter has become one of the “favorite” for anyone who wants to lose weight. I was very bad, really bad. The doctor’s response: ‘Okay, a sign that he is making effect’. Serious? Is the price to spend the day to throw up? No, I can’t.
Professionally I am an expert woman. My work is recognized, I have already realized my greatest dreams in the profession and I continue to want more. However, not one or twice I was asked: “Have you ever thought about where you could be if you were thin?”. Could it be that if I lose weight I will become more intelligent and I didn’t know? Yes, a taboo still appears to be outside the standards acceptable by the majority to appear in the video.
Despite these comments, I went on. I presented live, made videos for social media and much more. I was ashamed? I must confess that I rarely see something broadcast after it is ready. I don’t even like listening to myself. I still do not accept my body as it is, but I don’t hate it as it once was.
Even if I love myself a little more, I still don’t love me enough to find easy to relate to me. I feel inferior and I struggle to accept that I can be desired by men. After all, how many times have you heard fatophobic comments during a conversation or did you have the feeling of not being up to it because you were not thin?
All these years of deprivations have caused more and more restrictions on my palate. I started having difficulty eating junk food. The solution? Respect my time and I will be able to face this problem after a long period of therapy.
For years I have had the phone number of a behavioral nutritionist recommended by my psychiatrist. It took me a bit to establish a contact. I thought: ‘Here you want to impose a lot of things, tell me what I have to eat when I just can’t. When will anyone understand me? ‘ I booked an online appointment during the pandemic, I fell in love with her work, but I was not yet ready to open such intimate issues. Every time it was possible, my therapist remembered her and asked me: “Why not return?”.
Some time later I participated in a meeting, promoted by her, for women and nutrition professionals, focused on eating disorders. In that environment I began to feel more welcomed. It wasn’t easy yet. I felt bad because at the same time I was still trying to lose weight using Ozempic. He made me feel a fake.
It took another three years (of a lot of therapy) to be able to accept that Aline really wanted that welcome, not the miraculous promises of weight loss. A new question has arrived. Many anxieties, fears and repressed tears. Timally I confessed that I preferred to be a case of bulimia or anorexia, because I thought it would be easier to find a cure. After all, I was already sure that my case was not a stroke of luck but rather a disease.
In the only moment of reproach, Marcela turned and said: ‘No, you didn’t want to be bulimic or anorexic. Do you need a name for what you have? I give you: you have the tare (avoidant restrictive eating) ‘. Perhaps still today he does not know, but he caused her enormous relief. Yes, I’m not fresh. I have a disturbance and I can cure it.
This process began in May last year. Do you know how many times I had to weigh up on the appointments? Zero. Do you know how many diets I had to follow? Zero. My clothes are wider, but this is not the most important thing. My biggest victory is to have wanted to try the cabbage with the feijoada, eat rice with broccoli, an omelette with spinach … all in small quantities, not always, but according to my rhythms.
Let’s go together, in my time, to understand if the repulsion is in the smell, in the consistency or in any other memory. They are practically a child when I introduce food.
Source: Terra

Ben Stock is a lifestyle journalist and author at Gossipify. He writes about topics such as health, wellness, travel, food and home decor. He provides practical advice and inspiration to improve well-being, keeps readers up to date with latest lifestyle news and trends, known for his engaging writing style, in-depth analysis and unique perspectives.