Find out why differentiating children is important for strengthening relationships

Loving your children equally can represent the invisibility of your emotions and ideas

Favorite child is a tricky subject. Nobody likes to talk, let alone admit. It’s ugly. A devoted mother works hard not to let anyone notice or hear her heartbeat. There is a belief that children should be loved equally, with the same intensity, and she follows this rule.

Without realizing it and with the best of intentions, fathers and mothers insist on the key to equal love, and so they stop seeing people and only see children. They don’t want to face the razor’s edge of having to assume the singularities, differences, and affinities that naturally develop with their children over time.

They don’t want to take care of childhood wounds and at some point they may have felt the difference in parental love. They vehemently deny it and sweep the topic under the emotional carpet. The rejected child from the past doesn’t want to pass on this hurt. But is this the best course of action?

The importance of admitting differences

When you don’t give space to what you feel and morality rules your thoughts The emotions, a transfer of that very ruler to the people around invariably happens. Admitting preferences and affinities seems worse than caring for them. This was learning, albeit silently, about what to do when faced with some bad emotion. That was the decision made in the face of a child’s broken heart.

But looking honestly at what touches us most as fathers and mothers doesn’t mean we stop loving those who don’t match that expectation. On the contrary. The less we deny and get close, the more we can look and identify, so we can take care of them. This possibility makes room both for the feeling of parents and for being children. sons. They are different and this is not a problem.

Dealing with differences is part of the process of self-acceptance

We have different children and treating or loving them in the same way means making the subjectivities that make us invisible. It is necessary to face these differences and welcome them, like those who take care of a garden, with the most varied flowers: large, tiny, delicate, robust, colourful, creeping, tall, leafy, deceptive. All flowers.

In front of that Burle Marx in front of you, be curious, be careful. What is it about each flower in this garden that moves me, draws my attention, makes me laugh? What does everyone need? It is these questions that allow us to appreciate the uncontrollable and adorable subtleties that our children bring.

Text originally published in the journal Vida Simples (Edition 231)

By Lua Barros

Parent educator and mother of four children. She is also the author of the book Eu Não Nasci Mãe.

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Source: Terra

Ben

Ben Stock is a lifestyle journalist and author at Gossipify. He writes about topics such as health, wellness, travel, food and home decor. He provides practical advice and inspiration to improve well-being, keeps readers up to date with latest lifestyle news and trends, known for his engaging writing style, in-depth analysis and unique perspectives.