It’s fine to comment on how the little one was as a child, but it’s worth being careful what you say so as not to generate developmental angst
“You were so cute”, “Wow, I miss you when you were a kid”, “Oh, look how cute when you still couldn’t do anything…”. It’s possible that you’ve not only heard phrases like these, but you’ve also said some without thinking about them. Indeed, remembering what children were like in the first months or years of life brings a feeling of warmth to the heart. – hard to resist those cheeks and the jokes they made! And the truth is that time passes too quickly. When we see them, they are already children full of tastes and opinions, leaving a little nostalgia for when they were still defenseless little mermaids. But be careful! Passing on this nostalgia to the little ones is not so nice, as they may feel that, growing up, they cannot like it.
“All the child subconsciously wants is validation and unconditional love from the parents, and that includes approval of who they were, but more importantly who they are now and who they will be in the future, and that kind of suggestion can generate a doubt about who you are today you may think: ‘ Was I cute? And now, why aren’t they anymore?’“, comments Ane Macedo, specialist in Neuroscience and child development at Pygmy Project🇧🇷
Also, between the ages of 3 and 5, it is worth paying special attention, as this is a stage where infantile regression can manifest itself. The specialist in Clinical Psychology of the Pontifical Catholic University of São Paulo (PUC-SP) Vanessa Gebrim explains that, during this period, it is possible that the changes that the little ones go through lead to infantile behaviors due to the fear of not being able to face the new situations. 🇧🇷 It is a time that can coincide with the beginning of the child’s preschool stage, when more demands occur that can trigger the fear of failure. It is important to encourage autonomy, and phrases like that can make children very childish”alert.
Pay attention to what has been said
None of this means that the family can’t, for example, look at old photos and videos or remember past events. Making memories and lovingly accessing them is part of life – the focus, in these situations, is on how the comment is made. You can say that your child was cute as a child, but there’s no need, for example, to imply that you think it’s a shame that time goes by so quickly. “Look how beautiful you were without teeth” or “You had the hottest cheeks in the world, but I still didn’t know a word…” are kinder ways to say it, emphasizing that each stage has its own characteristics.
In more specific and delicate situations, the regressive behavior may be more intense, which the psychologist underlines is related to the feeling of insecurity. “The child regresses when he feels insecure or abandoned – the causes can be different, such as the birth of a sibling, fear of failure, parental separation, some trauma, such as the loss of a family member or even violence”, he explains.
In these cases, in addition to being important to understand what reasons led the child to regress, it is essential to be patient. “Sometimes it just needs more time to evolve and mature, so it’s important to avoid negative statements that only make the situation worse,” says Vanessa. Lines like “You’re not too young to do that” or “You’re too old to cry,” then, are totally expendable.
Each stage with its own characteristics
Taking these factors into account, it is possible to stimulate the little ones to grow without forcing them to do anything. Show how the new levels offer fantastic opportunities – how to be able to accompany your parents to a concert, make a purchase “alone”, help look after your little brother, among other things that bring not only development of autonomybut the feeling that the child is already able to act on his own is very valuable.
“Every day more, children go through greater language development and access to different experiences. They are constructing more elaborate questions and observations, and it is up to us in this scenario to observe ourselves in this construction of dialogue and interaction with them,” he recalls Anne Macedo. Finally, the specialist in Neuroscience and child development underlines how much it is important that this process is light and playful, with the intense participation of the parentsbecause it is what “generates in the child a sense of purpose and meaning in learning”.
🇧🇷The best content in your email for free. Choose your favorite Terra newsletter. Click here!
Source: Terra
Ben Stock is a lifestyle journalist and author at Gossipify. He writes about topics such as health, wellness, travel, food and home decor. He provides practical advice and inspiration to improve well-being, keeps readers up to date with latest lifestyle news and trends, known for his engaging writing style, in-depth analysis and unique perspectives.
