Psychologists have identified why people suddenly reveal personal secrets to complete strangers, such as baristas, taxi drivers or the person sitting next to them on a plane, according to a report by Silicon Canals.
Researchers Nicholas Epley and Juliana Schroeder tested the phenomenon on commuters riding trains in Chicago. One group was asked to strike up a conversation with the stranger seated next to them, another was told to stay silent for the entire journey, and a third group commuted as usual. Those who talked reported enjoying the ride the most, while the silent passengers felt the worst of all.
When passengers were surveyed beforehand, most said they would rather stay silent, meaning people are consistently wrong about how enjoyable talking to a stranger can be. The researchers found a similar result among passengers on the London Underground.
The Starbucks Experiment
Researchers Gillian Sandstrom and Elizabeth Dunn observed a comparable effect outside a Starbucks coffee shop in Vancouver, Canada. Some customers were asked to make brief but genuine contact with the barista, smiling, making eye contact and exchanging a few words, while others were told to be as reserved and businesslike as possible. Those who engaged with the barista felt noticeably happier, which the researchers put down to a sense of belonging that can come from even a few seconds of warm contact.
Why Strangers, Not Friends
Another study, by Michael Kardas, Amit Kumar and Nicholas Epley, looked at why people are afraid of honest conversations with strangers in the first place. Participants were asked to talk either about the weather or about the last time they cried in front of someone else. Both types of conversation went better than participants expected, and the honest ones especially so. The researchers say the reason is simple: people assume in advance that the other person will not care about their story, when in reality the opposite is usually true.
A Reward System in the Brain
The reason openness tends to surface on a plane in particular, according to the scientists, is linked to how the brain works. Harvard University researchers Diana Tamir and Jason Mitchell found that talking about oneself activates the same reward system in the brain that responds to food or money. Participants in their experiment were even willing to give up a small amount of money for the chance to talk about themselves.
On a plane or in a taxi, that need gets met for free. A stranger has no shared history with the person, will not judge them later, and will never turn up at a family gathering. So when the usual channels for talking are blocked but the urge to talk is strong, it breaks through in exactly these chance encounters.
What Restaurant Staff Hear
The article's author, who previously managed restaurants, said staff at food and drink venues often know more about regular customers than the customers' closest friends do, from diagnoses to infidelities and job losses. According to the author, most such customers did not have psychological problems; they simply lacked someone who would listen calmly without turning the conversation back to themselves.
Advice From Psychologists
Psychologists suggest that anyone who catches themselves confiding personal details to a driver or a waiter should ask themselves which of their close friends or family has not yet heard the story, and what happened the last time they tried telling it. For people who suddenly find themselves picked as someone's confidant, the advice is not to rush into treating it as a burden, since researchers say most such conversations end well.
UNIAN previously reported on the habit of clearing the table at a restaurant and what it reveals about a person's character. According to psychologists, people who stack their own plates or clear away napkins after eating tend to have heightened social sensitivity and notice work others have done.
