How to Talk to a Man So He Hears and Understands You

If you’re in the mood for a serious conversation, choose a topic that worries you and only talk about it. It is clear that there is a great temptation to attach 25 more theses on issues related to the main topic, but with this you can only realize one thing: that he will completely stop listening and automatically answer: ” Yes, dear… As you say, dear.. Yeah,” and the next day he won’t remember that conversation at all. Quite simply because male thought is so arranged: it is linear. A man needs time to ponder one thought, and only then is he ready to move on to the next. We are able to think about 10 things at the same time, and while we are thinking, we are talking. And when we talk like that, the man hears our monologue as background noise. Simply because he has not yet had time to understand the first statement and you have already given 10 of them. It is easier for him to “extinguish” from the conversation than to try to understand several theses both, which, as it seems to him, are not related to each other at all.

You ask a man a question, but he is silent. How long are you waiting for a response? Probably no more than a minute. Then either repeat the question or get excited and at least ask him to say something. Or – even worse – you start asking questions like, “Do you understand me?” Do you even hear what I say?” He hears, he understands, he just considers the answer. Sometimes questions, the answers to which seem obvious to us, lead a man to a dead end. Simply because he does not ask himself usually not these questions to himself, which means that he does not have a ready-made answer. If at this moment you start to rush him, he will most likely answer with a kind of banality and forget about it in a minute Because you never gave him time to think about the answer, and why would he remember something he never even thought of?

The speech of women is much richer and more colorful than that of men, and this is also a characteristic of our type of thought: to think, we need to speak. Therefore, we have an endless inner monologue and therefore we are able to enter into a dialogue “for nothing” with another woman. But you have to talk to a man in detail if you want him to hear you. No need to give 10 proofs why you are right, no need to give 10 examples, no need to go far and use clues. Speak directly and briefly, and he won’t lose the main idea.

If the subject of conversation excites you, it will be difficult for you to hold back, that is understandable. In addition, we are very good at lighting up during a conversation: we are quite capable of starting a conversation in a calm tone and ending up breaking the dishes. It’s absolutely normal for a woman, but men don’t know how. They think or experience – one thing. And if you light up, you light it up, of course. Everything, the thought process is interrupted, the process of emotional reaction to external stimuli has begun. Try to avoid it. Just decide what’s most important to you: throw away everything that has boiled over or pass something else important to him.

And use it correctly. Usually we try to sit opposite the interlocutor and look him in the eye in order to see the reaction that our words evoke. The problem is that if you want to get something from a man, then this look is perceived as a threat: you demand, you expect an immediate reaction, you leave him no leeway. Therefore, he “will not hear you” – not because the truth will not hear you, but because he will simply expel the memory of an unpleasant conversation from his consciousness. But if he feels comfortable, he will surely remember what was said. And he’s comfortable in a side-by-side position: when you’re walking holding hands or sitting next to him on the couch.