You and the Elder: What’s Left After the Finals?

We don’t always realize that love is for a long time. And it’s not just about the length of the novel, but also about whether a person occupies a certain place in memory and is still there after disappearing from your bed. It somehow manages to grow in your life, and the longer and brighter the feelings, the deeper its roots.

It can be both joy and long-term punishment, depending on what’s left of your relationship.

Sometimes against the first, we acquire either an adversary or a controller. The man with whom you parted badly, with whom it obviously “didn’t work out”, becomes a kind of challenge. I want to prove to him that not only are you in order, but also much better than before. For some women, it’s a rather ingenious state, and I don’t see anything terrible about becoming better in spite of someone. This very scene from the “I’m getting out of the limo and it’s sweeping the street” dream, with all its naivety, can inspire positive life changes. But, of course, if you put too much passion into the rivalry, you can burn out in order.

And of course it drains hate, it absorbs more energy than it gives out, so it’s not worth cultivating. But I don’t like the statement “if you’re angry, it means you haven’t stopped loving”. Bruises hurt because they hurt, not because you have tender feelings for the person who hit you. It is impossible to portray an unconscious fish when one has been injured, and it is dangerous – the experience must be understood and appropriated, not forgotten. So remembering the bad things about the first one and keeping the maximum distance is normal, but the brightness of the experience should gradually disappear. If he stays, it’s worth understanding how and why you harbor your hatred.

In some cases, there is no irritation or anger left, but a kind of slow curiosity that for some reason cannot be contained. Unfortunately, we have the social networks to satisfy him. Do you want to verify that the first is unfortunate enough without you, or understand, does he remember? Therefore, you constantly monitor it without taking any action. I’m afraid it’s an indecent pleasure, like peeking through a keyhole. But you can take comfort in the fact that you’re watching a series with the first in the lead role out of the corner of your eye, and there’s no such thing.

But oh, there are also peaceful partings, when you maintain a warm attitude towards each other, and after a break (sometimes several years) you resume communication. Those we have loved, we appropriate a little – of course, without having the moral right to do so. They feel like close people who want all the best. And if this feeling is mutual, then ordinary friendship develops gradually, without any romantic mixture. The only rule not to break: do not try to influence your new relationship. Otherwise, you run the risk of finding yourself in the position of an evil stepmom, who knows exactly what kind of girl her boy needs. When it’s too tempting to get into your personal life, think again: doesn’t jealousy speak in you? If so, then you need to increase the distance again, apparently it’s too early for you to be friends.

But the slow smoldering of the fire in the smoldering coals doesn’t seem to be a problem for everyone. Some broken couples have existed for years under the motto “old love doesn’t rust.” No, the two already have new partners, but if the opportunity arises, then these two end up in bed together. Despite all the pleasure of such a connection, it is hardly worth considering it as a good option. It can make spicy flings with your ex mean nothing to you and “I can stop this shit whenever I want.” But while it lasts, the real relationship is undermined. Infidelity is already in the conditions of the task, and it is unlikely that you will be able to create and maintain anything new while the tail of the past is trailing behind you. Why do you drag him with you if there is no more great love? Perhaps you are afraid of a new intimacy, or there is another reason that is useful to understand.

And the best case scenario you can count on is calm indifference. You know, when you meet a friend after a long break, and in the second hour of conversation she says: “How is Pasha?”, And you ask again, “Which Pasha?” The neighbor’s grandfather, and why the question arose at all. And five years ago there was only one pasha in the world for you, this name invariably appeared in flamboyant letters in the middle of any conversation, and your friend remembers this period, but neither do you. This natural and involuntary oblivion signifies final freedom.