He Won’t Appreciate: Why You Shouldn’t Try to Be Perfect in a Relationship

The desire to be flawless is dictated by the inner need for love. A person himself does not like and respect himself, therefore he hopes that if he does “in the right way”, he will certainly find acceptance and support. But trying to please your partner by any means is a failed idea. Over time, diligence has the opposite effect – a man loses interest, ceases to respect, devalues ​​effort. Interestingly, everything works well during the first six months of the relationship: you are bathed in approval, and he has no soul in you, but his demands gradually increase, and it becomes unbearable to respect the set of “shoulds”.

At the same time, a man who wants to find everything in one woman is doomed to an endless series of relationships. In the language of psychologists, this problem is called “desire for an ideal mother”, which will give unconditional love.

Your choice of clothes, makeup (or lack thereof) is how you present yourself to the world. It is therefore important that the appearance reflects your tastes, and not the ideas of femininity imposed by the public. Otherwise, instead of boosting self-confidence, the reflection in the mirror will be frustrating. There are women who twist their curls and wear hairpins for themselves – and it’s wonderful. The problem arises when red lipstick and scarlet heels do not become a means of self-expression, but a tool that helps to please.

There are situations in relationships when it is necessary to show emotions – this is the healthiest reaction, and not a consequence of PMS, bad mood or hysteria – to what else men refer? Negligence, violations of your boundaries and manipulation should not go unaddressed. Attempts to “save face” chill the relationship and rob them of intimacy and trust. Yes, and anger or resentment does not go anywhere. Unexpressed emotions accumulate and find an outlet in other areas, or they remain and corrode from within, already causing physical pain. Learn to understand your feelings and let them out.

Traditionally, in a relationship, the role of a caring and caring partner is given to a woman. Trainings for “good wives” and “harmonious relationship” seekers teach how to properly stimulate, inspire and woo a man in every way possible. But if you are consumed by his wants and needs, who will think of what you want? The task is to remain a friend and support for him, not to lose his own identity and individuality. Being a nice girl doesn’t mean taking it all on yourself. You have the right to walk away when you can’t find the strength in yourself and let a man work out his problems on his own.

The most harmonious relationships are achieved as a couple, where he and she live in harmony with their deepest needs and desires. As soon as one of the couples begins to “work” for the other, leaving their loved ones at sea, expect trouble.

Staying in touch with your needs helps the question “What do I want?”. To simplify the task, take a piece of paper and write down everything that is necessary and important for you – just for you, and not for the “common good” and not “for everyone to be well”. Then compare what you get with what you have and think about how you can get closer to what you want. You may need to change your usual lifestyle for this, but only by accepting and respecting each other’s characteristics will you stand a chance of having a strong and harmonious relationship.