Marta Ketro on how men leave us

Men quite often find themselves in an awkward situation, when they first act as initiators of relationships, and then suddenly lose interest in the object. I looked closer, listened to political pronouncements, or met someone prettier, but suddenly realized that this fairy tale would have to end before it really began.

There are happy people who know how to say bluntly: I’m sorry, we won’t make it, I’ve changed my mind. But there are only a few such brave men, the others must come out. Men have several standard behavioral patterns that allow you to get out of the situation without losing face. More precisely, it seems to them that they do not lose it and arrange the matter as painlessly and kindly as possible.

At the forefront of popularity is the “I’m not worth you” model. That’s when they use the phrases “You’re too good for me”, “You need another person, I’m not suited”, “Sorry, I have too many problems that I have to deal with alone .” A woman in love tends to see this as self-doubt and usually rushes to argue: no, no, you are very suitable, you are the best, we will succeed! Refuses any pretensions, puts up with uncomfortable relationships and “accepts it as it is”. “I feel like you don’t love me”, “I’m not your soul mate” doesn’t work as well, as a woman rushes to prove that she loves, loves and is ready for anything. Even in the game “Let go of me yourself”, when a man becomes unbearable on purpose, there are those who want to swallow the insults and endure.

If, with such a strategy, one nevertheless manages to escape, the lady is left with the bitter feeling that she has not coped – she has not explained, has not convinced, she has not not been understood. There’s no telling how bitter it will be to hear an honest “I don’t love you” or to think that a tragic mistake has happened.

Afraid of saying too much, men often prefer to merge quietly – I call it the Cheshire way, when the object slowly dissolves while maintaining a friendly smile. The person gradually extinguishes his presence in your life. Less and less personal correspondence, text messages, fewer and fewer appointments. At the same time, the visible social activity remains the same: puts likes, draws emoticons in the comments. “Honey, I’m with you, I’m not hiding, just very, very busy.” After a date, the next date is not fixed: “let’s call”, “we will write to you next month”, “thank you for the meeting, good luck”.

If a woman refuses to understand what is happening and asks for details, she is promised an appointment, but canceled at the last moment. Suddenly urgent work, unforeseen circumstances or extreme fatigue. It’s all served with sincere regrets, apologies, and a warm smile, so it’s very important here not to be ready to admit it, but to look at the calendar and figure out when you last saw each other. Three weeks, a month? Alas, there is no such patient male passion, you are wasting your time.

Sometimes a man decides to keep you, but in a new capacity – to calm you down and move to the friend zone. At first, he noticeably withdraws, loses interest in your affairs and mood, congratulates you on your birthday after a few days, no longer involves himself in light-hearted conversation, and no longer flirts. But if you declare a serious problem, he will try to show up and help, purely humanely, and then walk away again. Over time, you’ll begin to communicate more often, but without a hint of playfulness.

It should be understood that a banner was hung in front of you “To be friends – yes, but then – no”, and it is up to you how to deal with this. You shouldn’t hope that you will make a few friends, then he will still appreciate your sexuality and fall in love. It can and does happen, but the risk is too great to lie in ambush for months, pretending to be a good friend and rejecting the other gentlemen. Accept only if you are really ready. After all, there are far fewer good friends in the world than there are good lovers.

When you notice that you are being leaked in some way, you may behave in different ways. Spit and go, try to play, talk about it honestly and openly. The main thing is not to get seriously involved, spending too much time, emotions and effort on the situation. You just did not succeed in the intended relationship, there is no need to try to fix and fix the cobweb, the sprawling silk stocking. It’s a shame, of course, but it’s easier to throw it away and look for a new pair.