Real funny stories about how we go on dates

The day before the appointment, I suddenly thought I was too pale and slathered myself in self-tanner for the night. In the morning I woke up beautiful. Like a leopard. I was sobbing, my mother was rubbing me with a pumice stone. Didn’t help.

Before the date, I suddenly decided to go blonde, but somehow I didn’t take into account that my hair was already dyed. Well, for an 18 year old, yes. The result was a copy of Lilu Dalas – orange hair with white roots. While repainting, turn off the hot water. I overexposed the paint while I was boiling the sink. Instead of a blonde, she became a hot brunette. There was Lilu, there was Morticia Adams. The young man did not recognize him during the meeting.

Before the date, she chose an outfit – tight pants and a white t-shirt. The perfect combination. And you had to pull the zipper sharply before leaving and break it! There was no time to change clothes, and there was nothing: I didn’t want to change the perfect outfit. In general, in a fit of panic, I sewed the zipper well with threads.
The date was a success, but after two cups of coffee and a glass of wine, I urgently had to retire, because the well-sewn pants did not suggest going to the women’s bathroom. I have never returned so quickly!

“Oh, and I scrubbed my pretty ass until it bled with a scrub and a washcloth. Everyone thought – some it’s not silky at all.

– So I screamed in horror, when in the mirror I later saw my ass, erased in blood. But she was known as a good girl, which immediately isn’t the same!

– And I gave myself a vacuum anti-cellulite massage. Vacuum. The sound of an airplane turbine, as if they put cans – all in a blue circle.

Once I was asked to model for an aspiring nail artist. She made me long acrylic nails, which I immediately painted red and black. The end of the 90s was, it was perfectly combined with a leather jacket, oh yes. And then a decent guy asked me out on a date, and I decided to dress up in a girl’s costume: a dress, heels, curls, everything. At the last moment, I remembered my fingernails, wiped off the polish and ran. The date, in general, was strange. Because nobody warned me that acrylic nails come off with acetone. And here I am sitting with the waiter in a café, eating, drinking, flirting, and the nails, meanwhile, are falling off one by one. One fell straight into the salad. After that, there was no point squeezing your fingers without nails, yes.

Just before the release, I decided to correct my eyebrows, to remove an imperfect hair. Of course, she pinched the skin with tweezers. Since I was already late, I didn’t apply anything. The appointment went well, only the gentleman looked at me strangely and asked me how I felt. After a date at home, I saw myself in the mirror and was amazed: a huge crimson bump all over my eyebrow, hanging above my eye, definitely added charm to me.

I was young and inexperienced, and it was early spring. Naturally, I looked very haggard – beriberi, lack of sun, pale green skin. A dark look, to be honest. In general, I decided to redden my face and body and went to the solarium – for the first time in my life. I decided that I might not get the desired result in just one session, so I smeared on the most effective cream and fried the body for 15 minutes at a time. And the effect was amazing. Literally hours later, the temperature jumped, shivering. Boiled crayfish could neither shave nor dress. Of course, there was no meeting.

I took a shower, washed my hair, did my makeup, ironed all my clothes, got a beautiful new bag, cleaned my boots – in short, I was getting ready for 4 hours. Four, Carl! Came out and fell face down in the first puddle. And not modestly with one knee, but straight flat, like in a movie. And the blouse, and the skirt, and the hair, and even the damn bag – absolutely everything was in the mud.

And I overslept. Dressed in advance, made up – everything is as it should be. And there’s plenty of time for goodbyes. Well, I think a decent girl should be a bit late (at 20 and no such nonsense popping into your head). She sat down in an armchair and fell asleep – from experience, probably. I woke up and realized I was late. It was a long time ago, there were no cell phones yet, we didn’t know what to do. In general, I jumped in the car, drove to the place, ran through the parking lot clutching my arms to my chest. He saw me (he was about to leave), approached me and asked me: “Is it normal that you are in slippers?”

In the 90s, black or burgundy thigh high boots were in fashion. They were brought from a southern country, apparently because their soles were thin and plastic. Winter. Ice. I pass the monument to Pushkin on Tverskaya, in a hurry and I understand that I cannot stop. He takes me on the road. The cars also have bald tires. “Volga” knocks me down. But I bravo jump and rush. I drank all night, danced, and in the morning I had to cut off these waders – they were bursting at the seams, the leg no longer fit in them. The meeting ended in the emergency room. But it happened!

Once, in preparation for an important romantic date, I decided to remove the hair above the upper lip: I smeared it with depilatory cream. It hurts a lot, but I endured. Accordingly, the mustache was bright red, in a stylish button. The date could not be canceled, the prince came, but he did not dare to kiss me on this “mustache”.

Tired of plucking my eyebrows. I found strips for leg waxing. I cut, glued, tore it and got a bald brow bone with ripped patches of skin. I had to remove the second one the same way, hide the swelling with foundation and draw new eyebrows with a pencil.

– And once, in my poor student years, I decided to do intimate hair removal myself at home. Wax. And * oops stuck together!

– Likewise! Only my panties did not stick, but my panties did stick. Thank goodness the gentleman turned out not to be very good, and I snatched them home.

Once I met a guy from Kaliningrad in Moscow, I corresponded, he invited me to fly for the weekend. I’m sitting on a pedicure and texting a friend on the phone: they say, Vasya invited me, there are already tickets, but I don’t understand whether I should go or not, because I will have to give if I come, but I still haven’t decided. I send – and something girlfriend does not respond. So I look – damn! I accidentally sent it directly to him, there were windows nearby. The answer comes: “You go anyway, maybe you don’t have to give something, suddenly he doesn’t want to, and that can happen.”