Paternity: the antidote against machismo

What is the secret to being a present, responsible and at the same time not overloading my wife with household chores?

In one of these difficult couple conversations I was influenced by the phrase “You are overloading me, friend!” My inner world has collapsed. Each fortress that I built around paternity was ruining right before my eyes and I rolled along the face I chose to live by my side for the rest of my life.

I kept tears firmly, not because I think the man cannot cry, but because I understood that the moment was to welcome the pain of the other, and all I could say was “I promise to improve, love!”

My wife’s overload is not a simple possibility, since women dedicate, on average, almost double compared to men in household chores, according to the report of the “women’s social indicators” of Ibge, issued in 2024. Having touched this almost inviobile reality led me to reflect on the entire paternity period that has completed 3 years and I said the phrase as much as I said. “I am a current father, my wife overwhelms”.

But this speech loaded with Machism has always concerned more an analysis of the place of a good father, than one reflection that the other is overwhelmed. I must admit that it has always been another “pat” on my back and a provocation for parents who abandon their families who for the effort of a mother to be overwhelmed by home homework. I also agree that it wanted me, but now I understand everything!

The internal discussion caused by the fault of overwhelming my wife, led me to problematize a paternity, apparently resolved and has controlled my masculinity. Yes, I am relativizing paternity and I am using my masculinity as a topic to expand the debate between my wounded ego and the recently aware conscience on a standard father (in deconstruction) I have become.

See: I don’t want to be the owner of the truth, but after this internal conflict, I thought of thinking that for all this time my photo “Father of the month”, set on the wall of my imagination, was a reward alone. In the meantime, for my wife, I was just a father, who can swim, food, take or look for asylum – never both on the same day – and comb his daughter’s curly hair. Do you understand complexity?

Somewhere, which can be called automatic conspiracy, self -indulgence or comfort supported by truths and social conventions, I lost myself. And I lost myself trying to be a great father, I confess. But I stopped being the husband who washes the dishes after dinner, who takes care of the garbage of the accumulated bathroom or the clothes that dry the stenndibianchery for two days. The great dad of the month full of love and care of his daughter won by his partner who worried not to overload his wife.

At this point in the championship you might think: “Friend, you are doing many things. Working, studying and taking care of your daughter. Calm down. If you take less, my friend!” But believing in this truth, he transformed me into an Alfa male, who works to pay the bills and the remaining time must be a father, that is, the remaining time is for himself. Because, for me, paternity is a lonely journey and stumbled with machismo that awaits me to deliver a medal of honor to the end of the day. But the good news is that you can invert it!

In my opinion, the problematization of paternity lies in the distance that this responsibility requires me. My experience shows that the abandonment of her husband’s partner of the skin interested in household chores and becoming paternity, it was an almost natural process. Perhaps this is an excellent example that man cannot do two things at the same time, right? Wrong!

Believing, he also left me in a comfortable place that almost always puts the other unable to choose. For example, my wife has no choice: either it collects the laundry rope of the laundry rope and takes care of our daughter (all at the same time), or nobody will do it for her. Me niether! This is because Machism made me and makes you believe that I am a quite good father and this is enough.

The important thing here is not to justify my abandonment or sign a culprit receipt. It is able to rethink paternity as an opportunity to combat machismo and, in short, reflect on how to be a father without abandoning the husband of the person. My desire is that paternity will be seen as part of a process of transformation, not at the end of the relationship of two people who promised to be together in the disease, in poverty or until death separates them. Good start for you too!

Source: Terra

Ben

Ben Stock is a lifestyle journalist and author at Gossipify. He writes about topics such as health, wellness, travel, food and home decor. He provides practical advice and inspiration to improve well-being, keeps readers up to date with latest lifestyle news and trends, known for his engaging writing style, in-depth analysis and unique perspectives.